An Account on Procrastination

There is something in my brain that doesn’t allow me to work as hard as I would like to. This is very clearly an excuse but just roll with me on this one. Have you ever had it where you wake up one morning and you list the things you need to do during the day for it to be a productive day? You can feel the happiness you will feel when you’ve completed everything and can finally relax and watch Netflix at the end of the day.

But then something happens—something switches—and suddenly you’re rolling over and going back to sleep thinking, “Fuck it, I can do it another day.” But then another day rolls over into another day and before you know it, it’s the end of the year and you have not achieved any of your goals and now you’re bullshitting to your friends about how you’re just focusing on one thing and you’re definitely going to be working on the rest of your goals in the New Year.

Save me the excuses.

I am the biggest procrastinator that sometimes I find it hard to believe how procrastinatory I am. “How’s the book coming along?” Oh, the book that I started seven years ago and still haven’t finished and keep making excuses about how I have writer’s block and how writing a book is hard and there are plenty of authors that have taken a long time writing theirs?

Yeah, it’s going great! I’m currently working on a chapter right now—I say, as I click next episode on Netflix for the billionth episode of Arrested Development.

The honest truth is that I don’t like when things come to end and so I tend to prolong things as much as I can. This sounds like another excuse, but again hear me out. I have always written stories ever since I was younger but they have never come to completion because I would just move onto the next thing.

And this is the problem right now, in that I have 50,000 words written but I can’t stand the thought of finishing it. It may be the fact that I will have to actually look back on my work and criticise it or pass it over to an editor who will run my arse into the ground because my work is so shitty. It’s these possibilities that stop me from progressing.

So, how do we get over it? I wish I had an answer. If I had an answer then perhaps that would help but know me, I would still have the answer and not do anything with it. I feel like I have lost my shine. Remember when you were younger when you did things with no abandon. You genuinely, truly, as the kids would say “lived your best life.”

Everything you did was with fervor because you didn’t care what people thought. I remember writing so many things without a care in the world. I used to print out my stories, give them to my friends for them to read and eagerly awaited what they thought, basking in their positive comments and actually taking on board their constructive comments. Now? I am very selective about who sees all of my creative writing. I have my portfolio which showcases some of my work but I don’t broadcast that website as much as I do my blog.

Maybe that is where I should start? Maybe that is where I get my shine back. If I am more confident then maybe it will help with everything else. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I always talk about what may be but never what is a definite. We should think less about what could happen and just do it and see what does happen.

So, tell me? How do you deal with procrastination? Are you procrastinating right now by reading this? I don’t blame you. After this gets posted, I will probably be watching Netflix even though I know for a fact that I have too many things to do.

I’ll do better.