Age is just a Number

As a society we've all growing up being told that by a certian age we need to have a career, family, be married etc or it's just never going to happen. When we are in highschool the world seems within our reach, like anything could happen. As life goes on, things change, and in a lot of ways we become jaded. I remember for me I had so many dreams, and I was always told they were too big and that I needed to be more realistic. So because I didn't love myself enough to believe in myself I became more realistic and here I am 12 years into my career and I am so miserable and bored. But everytime I think of leaving and going after my passions I get scared and have a lot of self doubt. Plus i think well I am 34 now, and how realistic is it that I can start over, and also have my dreams come true.

But then I really look at life, and we are all on different timelines. But we are told by society and even our families that by the time your this age its your life now, and thats just the way life goes. I don't want to think like that anymore, I would rather try and fail than to sit here and feel miserable. We are never gaurenteed tomorrow, and we should enjoy or life more in whatever that way means to us. I wish that it was more normalized to start your life over no matter what age you are. That it's okay to not be married or have kids in your mid thirties if thats something you choose to do.

I think a big problem for me really commiting to going after my goals is that I compare myself to others. I have noticed that this has become an even bigger problem for me as social media began to grow. What was once a place that we played Farmtown and shared photos of our over filtered food, has now become all about who makes more money and who can get the most likes. The positive is that there are a lot of opportunites for people to make extra money, as well as many options to explore hobbies. But I think that sometimes with how things have grown it can feel overwhelming to find your place, and how to make something your own.

I understand that all things in life are competitive to some degree, but I feel now there is a whole new pressure that feels almost impossiable to compete with unless you get extremly lucky and go viral. I also will take some blame as I am not very consistent with any content I do, rather its because I don't think its good enough or I feel like I put a lot of effort into something and get frustrated when it fails. But like I said I need to try, and if i fail than that wasn't meant for me.

I just wanted to write this to let anyone know that if they are feeling this way they are not alone. I've been feeling lost now more than ever, and I am sure alot of it has to do with everythign going on in the world. But I think if one good thing could come from it, that would be to self refeclt and figure out what makes you happy. Heal from all that has broken you, and have compassion for yourself for all you've been through.

It's not an easy road, but noting worth it ever is.