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After 20 Years Of Trauma, I Took Back An Old Hobby.

Though Now...I Feel Like I've Gone Back To School!

By Carol TownendPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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After 20 Years Of Trauma, I Took Back An Old Hobby.
Photo by Jeremy Bezanger on Unsplash

It's shocking how so many years of trauma can erase a person's memory. Not only do we forget certain good memories, but we also forget hobbies that we used to love!

Not to worry though, we can continue this fight to get back on our feet!

By Chris Ainsworth on Unsplash

My Story

If you have been going through or have been through a lot of trauma, your probably wondering whether or not you'll ever remember who you were before it, or whether you'll remember all those things that you once loved to do. Don't worry, you are not alone with this ordeal!

I used to sew at school and I really enjoyed those lessons. For me, my sewing classes were the best part of my school life. School was difficult. I was bullied every day and although I loved learning, I really hated being there. For me, my sewing classes were a release from those difficult days. I could live in a different reality with a sewing machine and be in my happiest place ever, even on the most difficult days when I knew I had P.E. where I faced the worst bullying. M sewing lessons were often straight after P.E. so knowing that I had something to look forward to after that horrible lesson gave me something to look forward to.

After leaving school, I went on a very long and painful journey with mental illness, violence, d homelessness. This went on for many long years. After this journey, I recovered for a few years, though I relapsed for a while afterwards. During that relapse which lasted about five years, I lost quite a bit of my identity including the ability to remember what I enjoyed as well as who I really was.

All in all, I had been through twenty years of trauma altogether. So, I guess I was bound to be thrown into turmoil with my memory for some time afterwards.

The last few years have been somewhat difficult, even though I have made some amazing progress with recovery. I recovered from the major part of trauma which was working through the traumatic memories; however, I am now rediscovering things I once enjoyed as well as finding out about myself as a person. One who knows me well would probably say:

"But, you should already know who you are."

A large part of myself does know who I am, but trauma can be a complicated process and I have to work through the motions and refamiliarise myself with the things I once loved before I can feel 100% authentic to myself. Sure, I have lots of new things and I am really happy, but:

Have you ever seen someone do something that seems so familiar to you, to a point where you flashback over your past and remembered that you used to love doing that too before the trauma?

The above happened to me recently. A friend of mine sews. She uses a sewing machine and hand-sews. She creates clothing, curtains, teddies, blankets, cushion covers, handbags and more

Watching my friend sent me back to 1999 when I got two of my children returned after severe trauma. When my children returned, I started sewing again. I sew curtains, clothes, cushion covers and blankets. I then remembered that this was something I also did at school, where I created teddies, purses, handbags and more. I then remembered that I loved doing this.

This brings me to now...

I recently bought a sewing machine because I want to reawaken my old hobby and enjoy what I once loved doing best. The funny thing is:

It feels like being back at school!!

have to learn how to set up my new machine, and I have to learn how to use it again. Don't get me wrong, I am not short on sewing projects. I want to mend a few of my clothes, make new ones, create curtains, design baby clothes and there are thousands more.

Today I sat down with my new sewing machine and the tutorials that came with it. I actually had fun relearning how to set it up, though one funny thing!

It took me four hours to remember how to re-thread the needle because I couldn't find the needle-hole, even with a threader!!

By Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

I called my mum for help.

I took it into the kitchen where the light was brighter and eventually, I found it!

I have had a whole lot of fun today, just working that one small thing out. However, my real fun starts when I start teaching myself to sew again, and when I get clever at it:

I'm planning to start a business in sewing!

Conclusion

The point is, we all go through some form of trauma in our lives, and we all lose a lot through trauma. After trauma, some of us find that our minds have been erased.

We forget the things that we once loved and those good memories are often replaced by bad memories.

The trauma we going through can cause us to forget things we once enjoyed. I know that I was conditioned negatively by those negative perceptions that I was taught about myself, and I was conditioned into believing that:

People would only like me if I did everything that they wanted.

Those people lied to me. Sadly those lies destroyed the good that was once in my life.

Re-kindling old hobbies that made you happy before trauma can be a good thing, especially if you enjoyed them. Sewing brought me joy, though it took a lot of research to understand why I was so intrigued by it, and I raised questions with many people about my past which enabled me not only to understand why I was fascinated by it but pushed me to bring that enjoyment back into my life.

You should never be afraid to explore your past. Yes it can bring back sad memories, but it can also empower you because even though you might have forgotten the positives, there will be others who will remember them and in return, those people can enable you to remember what you were good at.

The point is going on a journey and bringing back the good in your life, is an important step because it creates a pathway: That pathway opens a gateway to a more positive mental wellbeing.

Go Ahead and Dive in. Let us all bring back the joy that we thought was never there!

healing
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About the Creator

Carol Townend

Fiction, Horror, Sex, Love, Mental Health, Children's fiction and more. You'll find many stories in my profile. I don't believe in sticking with one Niche! I write, but I also read a lot too.

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