A Life to Live

I'm approaching 40. It's not an age that's particularly enhanced a viewpoint of dread... I'm not having a "midlife crisis," as they say. But, it is an age for which I hold great reverence. It's a midpoint: a place at which you should begin to witness the fruits of your labour, have a direction, and see your goals materialising to fruition. And, therein lies the ultimate evaluation... Can you see yourself living the way you considered you would, back in your early life, or in your mid 20s? If the answer is yes, congratulations. You've certainly fared well by comparison... But if your answer is no, then perhaps a change is required—a tweak, maybe, or a complete overhaul! The latter is perhaps a bit extreme, but given the startling rate at which men in their 40s commit suicide, I wholeheartedly support any method we take to find a way to combat the inevitable stage of questioning our happiness—not solely as men either, but with each and every one of us.

A quick look at some facts: Suicide across all genders and ages in the UK has seen a rise in recent times, reaching its highest point in over 15 years, with three quarters of those being men. Furthermore, men aged 45-59 are most at risk by almost double that, of the nearest demographic.

So with that, I want to share my own experience with finding that little square of happiness on the giant board game of life... I'm not perfect. My plan is far from perfect, I'm not always happy with it, but it's given me a desire and drive that, before now, I didn't have. In turn, that has added excitement—an emotion I have not had for years, and one which has kept me moving forward with a positive flow, as opposed to the devilish pessimism that plagued me for a decade or more.

It's not always easy to find your path. I don't mean physically; I mean mentally. I mean finding that one thing that we know we want, when often, we don't KNOW what we want... And sometimes, as was the case with me, we want too many things to simply narrow it all down to one goal. I used to have this ideology that work was to blame—and so, I started numerous businesses until I got bored of each one, and left them to melt away into obscurity. Not all were unsuccessful, either. I've tried to be creative and build things, draw things, photograph things... But, just like a true artist, I was never happy with the final pieces and, again, I left them to rot. I've even changed my career towards a conventional direction, searching for that inner passion that I could turn into dollar signs... I started in office-based jobs, paving out an actual career, before ditching it all for a shot in the catering world. The idea was that I love food so much, that I must be able to love the industry, right? Wrong!! Suddenly, I moved from a nine-to-five, to a nine-to-what-the-hell-time-is-this?!!?! Nothing prepared me for how tough that industry is. Fast forward 10 years, and this trail of uncertainty and confusion had left a slimy trail, so thick that there's no chance I could step backwards for another shot. For all intents and purposes, I have grown to hate where my life has taken me, and there's no one else to blame but myself. And that's what has led me here... to a place of reflection.

I don't claim to have all the answers. I certainly couldn't begin to know what it's like to be a young person in today's social media world. But, I do know that if you feel like something isn't right, not only are you not alone, but there's a chance that there's a fix... or at least an alleviation to your inner turmoil. I would ask every one of you to have patience, and to not be afraid of change.

In my next blog, I want to tell you about my goal for the next year. It came from nowhere, but as the words floated through my mouth, I couldn't forget the poignancy. My dad said to me, a few years before his death, to give up everything and see the world. To me, at the time, it was too late for me. I had a career, and had rent to pay. The truth is, although I've earned decent money, I have never earned THAT much that I could afford to do anything other than the odd holiday here and there. So, traveling was something that I'd never considered—until now, arguably, when I'm at my poorest. But I have a plan... a plan that's in motion, and there's no going back.

Until next time. Stay safe, and find your happy place.

P x