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A fresh start, is it really?

by Deena Deveaux about a year ago in goals
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You bet it is!

I have been thinking about ways to make myself better. Ways to change the things I don't like about myself while searching within to pick up new things to love about me. To begin with, the goal was a clean slate, no weights, and no carrying baggage that should've been set down long ago. It was time to give my arms and shoulders a break from all the things that kept me from living in my truth and being my best self.

I have always loved to make others happy! Making sure they were safe while not thinking of myself and the unknown dangers I put myself in. I made sure loved ones were happy, although I was not! I was dying inside, living the life people wanted me to live! The resolution or promise to myself was to live on my own terms, no longer living and doing what others either wanted or talked me into doing.

I have three beautiful children who look at me and depend on my decision making, my creative mind, and my mothering. So, I could no longer let them down. I watched them one day as they sat on the bed looking at one another's phones, laughing, enjoying each other's company together. I began to see my children; I saw the love they really had for me as their mother. You may think it weird. However, if you saw the surroundings, you would completely understand. At that moment, what I always wanted to be clicked!

There was the opportunity to walk through the open door of a fresh start! Living on the terms, you set for yourself takes guts, drive, and a willingness to do what you want in the face of adversity and what others may think. I will begin to throw all caution to the wind and taking every opportunity to enhance my life! It is my turn, my time! It may sound like folly coming from a woman of my age, but it is quite exciting! I feel a newness within most days as I struggle to wear the new cape I am creating for myself.

I've always been an adventurous person! Although I don't live that part of my life, I have always wanted to go sky diving, speed racing on a racetrack, water skiing, etc. People have always said things like, "that is so dangerous, no don't do it, and the famous I don't want anything to happen to you!" While I am happy there is so much love for me, hindering me from being who I am is not helpful, but rather the opposite. It is stunting and kills the very core of who someone is to become. Love allows things to grow; even if they grow wild and adventurous, they still bring joy, wonder, and excitement!

When we are children, we were allowed to explore and venture to find what works and what doesn't. When we become adults, we are still exploring new terrain, venturing, and finding what works and what does not. Life is to be lived, not hidden away in the shadows because there is darkness around the corner! No, take a kickboxing class and walk fearlessly, knowing you know how to defend yourself! Of course, don't put yourself in danger on purpose, but allowing the danger to run your life is not living, but existing! I refuse to merely exist any longer!

So, I will begin to change the course of my life and move to a state I have never lived in before. I have prayed, and I am letting go of the places and things that no longer make me happy. The things that have stunted my growth. I plan to surround myself with positivity and growth. If no one in the group is growing, then who am I to glean from? I will not grow, and this is not the plan for who I want to be. I was always told, "If you don't like something about your life, change it!". So, change it will be!

Will this be a fresh start for me? Yes, it will be, and it will be the best move I have ever made because I will make it what it should be. I am the master of my destiny. I just hope that God would continue to guide me on this new journey. I also hope that my children will be excited and changed for the better by something I believe so much in. I believe that change is inevitable and necessary for growth.

A fresh start, is it really? You bet it is! Look out for what happens in my next story!

goals

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Deena Deveaux

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