A Former US Secret Service Agent's Mind on Personal Growth
Highlight your competence beyond the gender stereotype
Evy Poumpouras could pass for a fashion model considering her beauty and charm. Yet you would be wrong to assume only that of her. A gorgeous woman with some rough layers within. She is a bulletproof woman. Once an NYPD cop, her extraordinary acts during the September 11 attacks earned her the United States Secret Service Medal of Valor Award.
Poumpouras is a former US Secret Service agent who has protected US presidents, including Bill Clinton and George Bush. She also served in the Presidential Protection Unit of former President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama.
Recently, she sat down with Lisa Bilyeu, the host of the show Women of Impact, to have an insightful conversation on “How to Get Confident, Beat Your Insecurities, and Overcome Fear”.
This article reiterates 3 points among many valuable notes I made.
1. Clamp down the negative language
Evy speaks about the detriments of negative thoughts on our disposition. She notes how negative thoughts, when not addressed, dampen our personality. How we unconsciously take on the personality of the negative thoughts in our minds.
She recommends you take control of the negative dialogue in your head and actively refocus on positive thinking that empowers you.
Touching on recognizing negative languages, both internal and external, she mentioned drawing a line between negative thoughts and the actual possibilities they play out in real life. Evy point out, you must decide your response to negative language. “Will you want to sit down and have coffee with these thoughts, or like me will you shut the door on them”, she remarked with a light smile. The latter is her preferred response to dealing with negative thoughts — shutting down those damning, self-defeating thoughts and statements.
Lisa, adding to Evy’s bad-ass response attitude, shared her own response mechanism to negative thoughts as well. She offered the habit of reframing negative thoughts.
Cognitive Reframing is the technique behind Lisa’s approach to dealing with negative thoughts. A technique that applies mindfulness to shifting our negative mindset to explore positive alternatives. The technique introduces hope and confidence to difficult situations through optimism and positive perspectives.
Instead of thinking “I can’t do this”, you consciously choose to reframe that as “I can do this if I do A and B”. Positive thinking pushes you to shift perspective, to find solutions. It turns you into a problem-solver. A positive mindset keeps you committed to finding a way.
Lisa chipped in again, mentioning how you have to grant yourself grace and compassion when dealing with situations that distort your cognitive reasoning.
Know the sources and triggers of your negative internal dialogue. Evy mentions this is key to overcoming the unhealthy habits of berating yourself. Instead of brooding and ruminating, rather re-channel the energy and time into positive reflections that bring insight and optimism, which boosts your confidence.
2. Prepare and over-prepare
Preparation has been my secret weapon
— Evy Poumpouras
When you’re not naturally good at something, preparation, and sometimes over-preparation, unwind you from the anxieties and apprehension of not being good enough.
When you prepare, the anxiety of inadequacy is one less thing you have to worry about, Evy reveals.
Lack of knowledge and understanding strips you of confidence.
Evy notes how she struggled with her academics in the secret service. Just like Evy, when you’re not naturally good at something, spending more effort and time on that activity increases your confidence and eliminates fear.
Competence = Confidence
Over-preparation, Evy explains, calms her and boosts her confidence. She revealed her struggles with studies and how over-preparation became her strategy. She over-prepare by working harder than everyone. To understand and recall the things she studied during her service training, she writes practically everything she read from her textbooks. That seems nut and extreme, but that was her way of reinforcing what she knows. She developed confidence in her knowledge and efforts.
She notes, habits produce confidence and the habit of overly preparing was the secret weapon that helped her with her academics during her secret service training.
Preparations make you less reactive and emotionally grounded in your response. You are less sloppy and make fewer mistakes when you’re proactive and prepared.
3. Highlight your value and competence beyond the gender stereotype
Reports like this, and that, all points out how women have overtaken men in college and higher education representation. In the US, more women are now receiving college and higher education compared to their male counterparts.
Other reports reveal that in the past years, men are marrying up educationally. Men with lower educational backgrounds are settling down with women holding higher educational status.
As exciting as these reports are, the expected gains of such milestones in the strive towards gender equality and inclusion seem not realized completely.
In 2021, women earn 82 cents for every dollar earned by men.
— Source: The State of the Gender Pay Gap in 2021
Reports still show, even with such tremendous leaps in the number of women attaining high education compared to men, men continue to hold an advantage in terms of income. There is still a bias. Income and wages still favour men, even men with lower education than their female partners.
In 2018, 86% of people surveyed said that men and women are equally intelligent, 9% said women are more intelligent and 5% said men are intelligent.
Female gender stereotype remains an issue even with such big strides.
A woman isn’t less skilled, neither incompetent because of her biology.
Evy understands the above statement.
She acknowledges the unfair discrimination women still face because they are women. She supports women pushing back gender biases and other stereotypes, championing movements that strive to bring gains in gender-related matters.
But she’s also worried about how, when these efforts, not strategically executed, inadvertently could normalize the gender stereotype because women became entitled to opportunities, and not presenting first their competence and value.
Being cautious not to amplify the stereotype in ways that trump women’s values, skills, and competence. She tells, without proper strategies to communicate wholly the biases against women, these well-meaning rallies could dangerously reinforce and deepen the gender stereotype.
Corporations will employ and promote women into fair positions, increase their wages, not based on competence and abilities. And this will only be a smokescreen that masks the problem of gender stereotype — women not being seen as equal to men, in the sense of value, skills and competencies.
I agree with Evy, in competitive corporate spaces, women occasionally ought to separate their thoughts about gender bias and related stereotypes and presenting powerfully their competence and skills as the central theme. Forcing employers and executives to focus on women’s competence and skills, promoting them to executive roles because they merit it, more than doing so only in response to public agitation against gender stereotype and inequality.
Present yourself, your values, skills, and competence, not your gender
Women, in their strive for gender equity, must not disregard the importance of showcasing their value and competence. Amplifying the results of women — showing how equally and sometimes more competent they are than men in the workforce.
Educational institutions and the structures used in training our children have played a major role in the gender stereotype women face today.
The video here, articulate precisely the different ways educators have inoculated into our children’s psyche, the idea of gender roles at very formative years. It reveals classroom scenarios with teachers consciously or unconsciously reinforcing the gender stereotype and eroding the confidence and analytical abilities of the girl child.
Many schoolteachers consider men as problem-solvers, analytical, strong and outspoken, whereas women are soft, care-takers, quiet, and submissive.
These unspoken yet powerful subliminally communicated gender attributions affect the confidence and capabilities of these young girls into their adult lives.
Women have to change that and start by presenting first their self-value, skills and competencies, followed by a rally for equality and equity.
Corporations ought to open the door and make room for women because they qualify and are competent, and not only as restitution and temporary redressing of the problem of gender stereotype and other related biases women have been facing for so long.
About the Creator
Felix Otoo
Software Engineer, Writer, Lofi Music Lover
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