7 Commitments I’ve Made to Win in 2021

Stay Sober No Matter What

I started 2020 out sober—it got messy in between with a 3 month binder, and then I ended the year with a sober bang. We have entered into a new year, and I am still sober.

There are days that go by like a smooth summer breeze; not often, but they do occur. Then there are days that feel like I’m falling down a deep, dark pit of impending doom. It doesn’t matter whether it’s an amazing day full of favor, or an absolutely horrible day that feels like my worst nightmare—I don’t drink alcohol. Why? Because it’s better for my mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional health. I never want to experience hang over anxiety ever again. My depression matters to me. Staying sober is the best decision for me.

Stay Celibate and Heal My Spiritual Body

There is only one reason as to why I have taken a vow of celibacy.

1. I want to feel more connected to God, spiritually.

No one deserves me and my body. Only I deserve me. The men in my past have taken my love for granted, and I have allowed that to happen. I have learned how to forgive myself for that, and this is a way of showing myself that I am worthy of love. My sex is bomb, and it is mine to ignite.

Be Intentional

Being intentional means to share on purpose with the people closest to me. It means being intentional about checking in with close friends. Being intentional is asking questions and having conversations, even the difficult ones. It means being focused on what is right in front of me, in that moment.

Being intentional is being present. It means you are paying attention. You can do this by staying in daily contact with a small circle of people. I have a hand full of women that I text and/or call every day, or every other day. We've made this such a normal thing that if they don't hear from me for a few days, they check in.

We all understand that life gets busy and there are times when we are going through something tough. There are times when I don't feel like talking to anyone, and that's okay. I'll let my friends know that I'm feeling low and that's just where I'm at that day. If one of your friends starts to trip over you being butt naked honest about how you're feeling, then I'm guessing they must be going through something themselves, or perhaps you need to reevaluate your relationship with this person. Some people don't belong in the circle. I am not a high maintenance friend. I just like to stay connected.

Second Savings Account

About a month ago I opened a second savings account. I set it up to automatically deposit 10% of every paycheck into that account, and the only way I can take money out or transfer money from that account is by physically going into the bank and asking them to do it. That is much more of an inconvenience for me. For the most part I use my mobile banking app to do everything bank related. But I can’t even touch that account through my mobile app. This is called the “paying myself for working so hard” act. Makes sense, right? I go to work everyday for someone else and they pay me. Why not pay myself?

Date Myself

This doesn’t just apply to single people. You can still invest time into yourself to get to know who you truly are even if you’re married or dating someone. Dating yourself doesn’t mean you are less gregarious, it just means you are spending more quality time with yourself in order to get to know yourself better. You deserve that.

I’m 35 years old. I’m not just trying to be someone’s girlfriend anymore. And I’m not waiting on a boyfriend—I’m not even looking for a man right now. There is a version of myself that I believe will only be discovered by dating myself. There is a version of me that I’ve never met before, and I’m trying to get to know her.

Forgive Myself

Forgiving myself has been the most difficult act of kindness that I have ever been able to give to myself. I can get there on some days; that place of acceptance and love influenced by self grace. Then there are days I am flooded with flashbacks of traumatic events, situations, and the people involved.

From abusive ex boyfriends to one night stands that I barely remember—there is a lot of self inflicted pain I have had to work through and learn to forgive myself for. There is a lot of pain that I allowed other people to cause me throughout my entire life that I have also had to work through and learn how to forgive myself for. This journey is about learning. We are constantly learning about ourselves and who are becoming. I forgive myself for the times I have let myself down.

Be Badass

Last but not least—be a total freaking badass at everything you do. I can apply a badass mentality to literally every single role I play; work me, alone me, church me, grocery shopping me, best friend me, mom me, older sister me, gym me, etc. There is a badass in all of us, but fear and self doubt will leave us in a perfunctory state of mind.

Being a badass doesn’t mean being completely fearless. You can still be a badass and feel fear at the same time. I had a counselor many years ago who taught me what self affirmations are. She showed me the exercise where you look in the mirror and tell yourself wonderful things like, “I am beautiful” and “I am worthy”, and the oh so difficult, “I am a good mother.”

Being a badass is deciding to do things through the fear and to take chances. Like, what if today was my last day on earth? Why am I allowing anxiety over things from my past, and things that haven’t even happened, to keep me from the things right here, right now?

Being a badass is deciding that you’re going to level up that day and own the runway. It is deciding to have good posture and to smile more often. Being a badass is performing each task with confidence. Being a badass is having God confidence—Godfidence.