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5 Habits That Ruin Your Happiness

You don't even realize they are a part of your life.

By Katarzyna PortkaPublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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5 Habits That Ruin Your Happiness
Photo by JC Gellidon on Unsplash

They say to transform your lifestyle and reap bountiful wins, one needs to establish solid and productive patterns.

What about those habits we should start breaking for a happier life?

We are all guilty of them. The good news is we can start working with them and level up our game of self-development.

1. You try to control people.

Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

- Paulo Coelho

You believe that if all shall live according to your wishes and nuggets of wisdom, the world will be a safer and more ideal place. Guess what? It will also be duller. It will also cease to grow.

Do you behave ideally in every situation? Do you happen to cross the street where you shouldn't or drive through on the red light? Do you happen to make up stories about why were you late for the meeting? Do you behave as other people would like you to? Of course not. That would be a form of downward abuse.

When you try to control people, you are making yourself angry and frustrated at their individual approach towards life. You take away your power. As a result, you exercise control over every aspect of your life and burst out with rage when those attempts fail.

Word of advice: mind your own business. Start the change you wish to see in the world by altering your actions. Do not spend your energy scrutinizing others. You will be happier.

2. You try to control life.

Every time you complain about the unfairness of events, you act like you are in charge of the Universe. You forget that word already is a perfect place.

Everything under the sun has been written by one hand only.

- The Alchemyst

That hand has already seen the best-laid path for you, and every piece of the puzzle fits together exquisitely.

Your worry disrupts your peace of mind of this moment, and where you are in this moment is enough. No need to control and manipulate the external circumstances of your life.

Taking responsibility for your actions means making peace with what is and mindfully responding to every life occurrence. Did somebody offend you? Great. First of all, you choose the response to the event, and non-reaction is also a great answer. Second of all, at least you know what type of person you are dealing with.

Word of advice: let go of the resistance to control every condition. Co-create with the Universe instead of fighting it. You will be happier.

3. You chase praise.

The upbringing programmed us to strive for acceptance.

When you got good grades, parents and teachers were satisfied. It made you feel good. When you brushed your teeth before bedtime, your mom was pleased. It made you feel good. When you misbehaved, got dirty, parents were not over the moon. It made you feel less. So the striving for acceptance became your drug. You wanted more. You came up with new behaviours to earn somebody's praise. The bar got higher. Only you can never reach that elusive top of the external validation.

Now you wait for anybody to grant you that affirmative smile, that pat on the back. You got yourself addicted to others' opinions and approval. You got yourself emotionally chained to people. On the subconscious level, they have become your source of perfect mood, good health and self-worth.

Word of advice: the only approval you will ever need is yours alone. Start cultivating self-love daily, regardless of what others consider appropriate. You will be happier.

4. You fear changes.

The mind fears the unknown. It is scary and you have never been there.

We have mastered the practice of blending in with the crowd. Whenever we did something abnormal to the societal standards, we were condemned, laughed at and alienated.

This pattern has imprinted on us the fear of change. What is more, it hinders any desire towards creating something original. That is why you give up on your dreams. That is why you would rather stay home than travel the country for a month. You are not lazy. You are scared.

Word of advice: approach fear as something constant in your life. A companion who is always by our side. Once you accept fear as your coy friend, this scary feeling will no longer daunt you with such big eyes. Both of you will be treading on, hand in hand. You will be happier.

5. You wait for somebody else to make you happy.

Why people are so obsessed with marriage and finding "the one"? Because they believe it will make them whole and complete. People refuse to take responsibility for their lives and expect somebody else to hop in, liberating them from self-inflicted misery. We cannot blackmail others into babysitting our emotions:

  • You should respect me.
  • You should like my photo, as you are my friend, so I can feel validated.
  • You should accept me unconditionally. Yes, they should, but not everyone has the capacity for that bravery.

Nobody owes you anything.

You are responsible for the interpretation of reality and how you feel at any given moment. The world does not have to join your pity party just because you are throwing it. People are entangled in their affairs, so they are in no way responsible to make you feel better about yourself.

Word of advice: You owe it to yourself to take care of your mental and physical state.

  • Meditate.
  • Exercise.
  • Eat the right food.
  • Breathe in peace, breath out bullshit.
  • Dance to your favourite music.
  • Make the time to read that book.
  • Go out for a walk.
  • Embrace nature.
  • Drink your coffee alone.
  • Befriend solitude.

Become aware of your feelings every minute so that you can self-regulate your emotions and mindfully respond to the world around you. You will be happier.

We got so used to limiting beliefs of lack and hustle that we forgot how to be happy. We miss out on the simplicity of life and finding joy in every ray of sunshine. We are the ones sabotaging our growth and an effortless state of bliss. Your happiness is solely dictated by your perception of this world. There is no complicated science behind it.

How many times have you considered a friend to be the luckiest person in the world? But not you. I have to earn happiness, you chant on repeat. You have soaked up with the idea of chasing fulfilment at your next job, your next holiday destination. You have been waiting for that stroke of luck to hit you, so the lottery win can shower you with gold.

You will be waiting forever.

Lack of happiness is the result of your way of thinking. Nothing more, nothing less. You are the habit. Everything you do, how you react, comes from your habitual way of thinking. In order to break the curse of misery, you need to break the habit of being yourself.

happiness
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About the Creator

Katarzyna Portka

Mindset coach. Writer. Reader. Coffee enthusiast. Tolkien’s fan living in Harry Potter’s world.

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