1:3 Are Abused I’m the One in Three but I’m a Survivor

So how does one survive abuse?

How does one learn how to cook? How to read? How to walk?

Process, and one step at a time. And only you can achieve that, no one else can force the learnt knowledge to all of a sudden be acquired. Process and one step at a time.

It sounds simple right? It’s not and it takes will and persistence. But nothing was easy. Imagine never being able to feel the exhilaration on achieving something that took forever to achieve. It feels great. Who desired an accomplishment we set out to achieve and over time we worked our way around hurdles and finally got there. We did it.

And we can do this too. The very first step I feel is allowing time. Time to be quiet with oneself and to feel your emotions. Daily. Call this mindfulness, meditation 🧘‍♀or just good plain ole getting to know you.

During this time you will grow to know what makes you tick, what your passions are, what your values are. Who you are. Only then can you start to heal. To be broken means you feel you have no value any longer that someone else did this to you and now you're ready for the bin. With a little bit of superglue, anything these days can be mended.

From here it is choosing one thing in your life you want and just start doing it. Put in any protective mechanisms you need to help you through. With every step forward you make, you will be feeding your self confidence and esteem barrel. Keep doing these actions and you will win.

My trauma started at around 8-9. I can’t really remember; I try piecing together events I knew happened around then but I can’t get any closer than 8-9 years old. I knew a cousin was born sometime in the short term future after it.

I managed to break the “its our secret” and told my mum, who told my dad who confronted his dad who denied it. My mum went to see him and he said it was a young girl's imagination. He was just showing a grandfatherly affection. As a young girl I didn’t have the language for what he had done

My mum went to the cops, who said there was nothing they could do either. 40+ years ago, my mum was brave. But from there it went unspoken about, time to move on.

My grandfather was eventually included back into the family and there began the real torture.

Family visits and the old expectations, kiss, hug, respectful, while he was there, and all I felt was fear, disgust and intimidation all the time.

This went on for over 10 years. Ten years of belittling, controlling insulting.

Lucky for me, I knew what love and happiness was. By the time I was 19 all I wanted was to feel secure, at peace, happy, and have a mind that stopped going round and round and round.

By the time I was 40 I finally reached it and I’m telling you it was the best feeling in the world.

I managed to gain confidence and self esteem like I had never had before. I could go out and talk to people, I was confident in going out on my own and walking into rooms by myself. I confronted my grandfather, face to face. I learnt how to recognise vulnerable moments and how to adjust so I could manage instead of being an invalid of emotions for months.

I just kept following the above guidelines. Step by step, facing my fears one by one. Listening to myself and finding what I needed to be happy and content.

That’s the shortened version and in a nutshell that’s what I did and still do.

So where to from here for you? I don’t know, it’s your choice. What do you want in life? What holds you back? What makes you happy? What gives you more self confidence? Who do you surround yourself with? Are you prepared to do the work? Do you believe in you?

So many more questions that I can put forward. You will have many of your own. I have faced many of these over the years and many more. When I finally faced these questions I can undoubtedly say my life improved.