What is the most important thing in managing a marriage? Eighty percent of the men said so

What is the most important thing in managing a marriage?

Eighty percent of the men responded like this:

Give the family a stable financial source, the economy is good, the children's education will be good, the relationship between husband and wife can also be stable, the health of parents can also be guaranteed.....

And most women's expectation of marriage is: have a loving husband, have a lovely child, build a beautiful family, this is the most important thing of marriage.

Money accounted for only 30 percent of a woman's security in a marriage, while her husband's "love and involvement" accounted for 60 percent.

Men and women in the concept of the difference, resulting in their expectations of marriage is also a huge difference.

01

And these differences are where the marital crisis begins:

For example, a couple born in the 1990s got divorced because of the problem of whether to take care of their children by themselves or their mother-in-law.

For example, a couple born in the 1980s, because the husband gave up his hand as a giant baby, mobile phone all day from the hand, the wife unbearable, put forward a divorce.

For example, a couple born in the 1970s, because the husband often despised his wife, always cast ambiguous eyes on other women, the wife lost the good expectation of marriage, filed for divorce.

For example, a couple born in the 60s, because the husband has a bunch of bad habits, such as domestic violence, foul language, smoking, drinking... Let the clean wife long gloomy, bitter, finally filed for divorce.

In all of these cases, every scene of the marriage seems to have happened to us before, but by our generation, we know the truth and still can't handle the crisis.

That's because in our marriage, there is a shadow of our parents' marriage; And the shadow of our marriage will be cast on our children's marriage.

If we never learn how to get along with our loved ones, then the next generation and the next generation may always repeat our mistakes....

Because love can be passed on, and patterns of relationship with loved ones can be passed on from generation to generation.

02

Why do happy marriages suffer from infidelity?

He cheated on me during my pregnancy, when I went back to my hometown to raise children, and small three cohabitation, I remember the picture. Because of this pain, I spent two years, can not erase.

I have been mad as revenge on him, do not let him have a moment of peace, whenever I seize the opportunity, with his affair to question his character, eager to put all the immoral title on him.

But when I saw he also contact with a third party, I once again out of control, I am controlling strong again crazy, where he where I chase, he as long as a don't answer my calls, I will make all the things broken, I use crazy cause his attention, let him know my pain, ordered him to stop contact with any third party.

And when he came back, I couldn't help but let him know how much pain I felt, that he had caused it, that he had caused it and that there would never be happiness, there would never be trust in this family. If he did not please me at all, I would quarrel from midnight to dawn, and we would become trapped in a cycle in which he ruined a happy marriage.

Due to stress, hatred, severe lack of sleep, fear and sadness, in just a few months, my weight changed from 105kg to 126kg. My endocrine disorder was so severe that I could no longer see my beautiful self.

03

What is the root cause of men cheating?

When I met Ms. Chen and attended her family-of-origin healing class, I saw my pattern in marriage, my need for control and insecurity, much like my mother's. Mother was very kind to father and put all her hopes on him.

However, when I was in junior high school, my father divorced my mother. My father accused my mother of all kinds of faults, saying that he could not breathe in this marriage, and he could not bear the oppressed love. In the eyes of outsiders, my mother was virtuous and capable, but in my father, my mother was a pressure he could not bear.

In this marriage, we both have to deal with our husband's infidelity. We are all repeating the patterns of our families of origin without realizing that there is a child within us that needs to be embraced and healed.

During the seven years I lived with my husband, I had exploited his self-esteem and curbed his development. I've been trying so hard to get him to do what I want, to get him to do what I want with my life, and obviously that's a big part of why my marriage is in trouble.

Are you willing to forgive a cheating husband?

My answer: I accepted the fact that it wasn't shameful. It was just an episode in our marriage that reminded us of our marital problems and helped us heal from the past. I accepted the fact, and with Ms. Chen's guidance, I am doing well now. I feel very safe in my relationship, and we are planning a second child....

Unhappy marriage to happy marriage gorgeous turn, but you meet can let you suddenly enlightened noble person, and this person is Chen Ke tutor, my teacher!

03

Everyone needs to strive to "make themselves better and better".

We can't change the marriage of the previous generation, but the marriage happiness of this generation, the next generation, we have the ability to obtain.

If marriage is ill, then we are the masters of the cure for all ills.

Home is always a link we can not get away from, is the relationship we want to rely on, who do not want to their past injury, and then affect their own life, even affect the child's life.

After experiencing an imperfect family of origin, how can you get over the hurt memories, stop being the person you are afraid to resist, and get back to your perfect life?

In order to help you out of the curse of the family of origin, out of the hurt memory, China ECIT marriage emotional crisis intervention therapy expert Chen Ke tutor, summed up more than 20 years of consulting experience, teach you to break the curse of the family of origin, let love, no longer hurt.

If you feel insecure because of what your parents taught you

If you want to move on from your family of origin

Reconciliation with the Family of Origin

Help you get out of your confusion and be yourself

04

The best gift to the next generation is that parents are happily married.

Give children's education, not you give him a lot of books, give him the best school, tell him the truth of life, give him the best material conditions; It's about parents falling in love.

Everyone will unconsciously repeat their parents' behavior when they become adults. The hidden education passed on by parents to their children will be reflected in their relationship with their loved ones when they become adults.

If the child lives in a family where the parents love each other, then the adult child will be more confident, optimistic, tolerant and brave. Their understanding of love is positive, positive, tolerant, grateful and satisfied....

On the contrary, if the child lives in the smoke of their parents' marriage, then the adult child will be more confused and uneasy, fear of intimacy, fear of love, to avoid problems, paranoid, autistic, their understanding of love is negative, hurt, panic, unsafe.....

The two children present different states, the most fundamental reason is that in their growth, one of them is missing the role model of love.