I Proposed to Him

When you get engaged, one of the first questions you're asked is "How did he propose?"

Well ... I proposed to HIM. And so far, I've been met with a lot of positive feedback about that, so thank you World for being open-minded and supportive.

Anyways, you're here for the story, right? To be honest, I don't think I've shared the full story with anyone yet ... so here it is:

February 9th 2022, I was having a bad anxiety night - a lot of stuff came up, a lot of different thoughts were happening, a lot of negative energy in the air. I knew I didn't want to spend the whole night crying though - I'm grateful I recognized it and was able to refocus my mind.

I looked around my office and I saw two possible projects. The first was a Valentine's Day card I hadn't written in yet. The second was a gift I bought for my boyfriend (now fiancé), J - a jar with cut-out hearts to write cute sayings on. I started with the jar. And as I made my way through the jar - following the prompts and smiling as I wrote my answers - I reminded myself how incredible J is, how lucky I am. The world seemed really bleak that night, but by focusing on my love for J, it was like I was constantly telling myself "you have support", "you are not alone", "you will get through this".

When I finished the jar, I started writing in the card. I'm notorious for writing a full novel in every one of J's cards (or a letter to stick into a card), so I fill the two sides of the card ... and then end with "Will you marry me?" I don't want to say it was on a whim, but I certainly hadn't been planning this for months. I'm a bit traditional - I had wanted J to ask me. We were coming up on three years together, and I was worried it would be five or ten before he finally asked ... but at this moment, I thought "What if I try asking now?"

After about two hours in my office, I come out with the jar and another one of his presents, a stuffed Panda Bear. I chose not to give J the card at that moment because I wanted him to read it on a more positive night (plus I knew I had written it out in a highly emotional state - I wanted to make sure I was still serious about what I said when I gave it to him).

February 10th 2022, we had to have a big conversation, which resulted in us making the decision to buy a house together. It was a big grown-up conversation, and after some cuddles I got up from the couch, grabbed the card, and handed it to him. I think he asked if he had to read it now (since he could see it was a Valentine's Day card), and I said something along the lines of "Yes, before I lose my nerve".

He read it, and when he got to the end his response was (in the most adorable way) "You're proposing to me?" ... I just looked at him and nodded.

I was going to be okay with a no. I knew J loved me, but maybe he wouldn't have been ready yet, or maybe he'd want to propose to me instead ... but I still wanted to ask and see what happened.

What happened was, J kissed me ... and kissed me ... and it was probably a solid minute or two before I finally came up for air and said "I don't even know what your answer is, but I love this response". He replied with "Of course I'll marry you!" ... and I cried as he kissed me some more. All of the stress from the night before, although not gone completely, just seemed to melt away in that moment.