when your health gets in the way

When your health gets in the way

"that’s not going to happen to me, out of everyone why would it be me?"

I’m currently writing this in a hospital bed, not knowing when I will be discharged. When I woke up on Tuesday morning I didn’t think that that night I would be admitted into the emergency room or did I think I would be admitted into hospital at all this year.

Taking one day at a time is something I have really had to learn from this experience and lean on. As someone who had even just the week planned out and then have it all just go away is really strange but also just life. Please go get checked by your doctor for anything strange. Around two weeks ago I started noticing random bruising on my body and just generally bruising a lot easier than usual. I mean, as a dancer I do find a lot of bruises but ones that would get better and usually on my knees… not my inner thigh and forearm. After having more than 10 people recommend me to go get a blood test I went, a solid week later. You know your body and when something isn’t right… remember that because when I went to a doctor in the town I had just moved to and he thought it was just dance bruises, I still wanted that blood test. And then the whole blood test was an entire experience.

Let’s just say the first time I went it ended with me not getting any blood taken out and crying in my car in the rain. Let me just put in that I was given wrong information and didn’t chicken out. Now this is when you need those people that are your support network, especially when you have just moved out of home. I’d have to wait until the next Saturday to get a blood test done or get late to dance on Tuesday morning. Now I was ready to wait until Saturday, I'm lazy and a procrastinator even when it comes to my health. But my roommate was like lets go Tuesday in the most authoritative way. You know when you just need that person in weird situations just to tell you what you need to hear.

Thus is where I thank my roommate for saving my life.

Got the blood test done by a very apprehensive nurse, fainted… traumatising my roommate and nurse all before 9am. Didn’t go to dance like I had planned that day and was trying to get mentally prepared for my solo performance the next day. Until at around 4pm that afternoon I get that call. The call telling me to go to the ER right now because I had a platlet level of 11. The normal amount is 150 btw. I have my freak out moment and burst out crying and call my mum cause who else really. And now I am here, missed out on the solo performance as well as the location shoot that I am meant to be a part of. It’s now day five in hospital and my platlets are finally rising (little did i know at the time it was going to get much worse).

I think its accepting that you really have no control over your life. Like you can feel the most in control ever and then something you had no idea existed comes out of no where. Life is literally a movie. I am currently in the phase of the hospital where the novelty has run out and I want to go home, but I don’t know when that will be or when I will be allowed to dance again. Keeping hope is all that’s getting me through, with the company of some pretty great people. Please look after yourself and always just get checked. It’s a crazy world out there and you never know what it's going to throw at you. Especially as someone who was having the best time of her life, and the best feeling of freedom to now in a hospital room playing the waiting game.

Be careful

Love Amy.

Editors note:

I wrote this 3 months ago and have since been diagnosed with a rare disease called Aplastic Anemia. I have spent the last three months in a hospital bed but it is looking hopeful that I will be discharged very soon. I have now been through all treatments and everything is looking very positive, I am now just in recovery mode. Please look after yourself, you never know what life is going to throw in your direction. :)