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The Illness that No One Can See

Living with Neuropathy

By Dani BeeryPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Most everyone in the world that has a disability shows some physical sign of it. They have crutches or a wheelchair, maybe some special device to help them breathe or do daily tasks. What happens when you are chronically ill, but the symptoms are not as obvious? Recently, there have been many stories of various patrons at grocery stores, malls, and outlets berating young people who have parked in disabled spots because they don't "look" disabled.

The very idea of being disabled to most people is having an illness or affliction that affects a person's everyday life in a way that makes it nearly impossible for them to live normally. This is not always the case though, in fact, that is not even what the definition of disabled is.

dis·a·bledadjective(of a person) having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities.

If this is what the true definition of disabled is, why does most of society only accept those whose restrictions they can physically see? Others with mental disabilities, which does include depression, the many forms of anxiety disorders, and other mental health issues, often are told that they are over exaggerating, that they could "be healthy if they wanted to." Would these statements be made to someone in a wheelchair?

It seems that not only mental disabilities are under fire but others as well, such as people who are epileptic or suffer from severe fibromyalgia, both illnesses that cause distress and pain, but also are illnesses not seen by others. I personally have been told many times by some family members, friends, even other doctors who were not specialized in the field of my disease that this is all in my head.

I suffer from Ulnar Neuropathy—it's not a widely known disorder, but it is no less real than any other disease. Ulnar Neuropathy is a disorder involving the Ulnar Nerve. I don't expect any of you to be Neurologists so I'll explain what that means. The Ulnar Nerve runs through your elbow from your shoulder to the tip of your little finger and controls the minute movements your fingers make. That strange sensation you get when you bump your funny bone is actually you hitting your ulnar nerve. The consequences of damage to this nerve include many symptoms: loss of hand movement; spasms, numbness, pain, and tingling in the arms and hands; loss of grip strength; and if the case is severe enough eventually the hand will form a claw-likeshape due to the tensity in the nerves. I have three out of four of these symptoms respectively and I dread the fourth will follow in a few years time.

At the time of my diagnosis, I was 16-years-old. Before I had initially gone in tosee a specialist I was terrified. I had no idea what was wrong with me and neither did any of the doctors I had seen. I was having spasms in my hands accompanied by pain, numbness, tingling, and partial loss of the ability to move my hands. Long story short, after many doctors visits and a trip to a specialist I was diagnosed with Ulnar Neuropathy after the doctor had performed a special test which sent electric shocks to my nerves so the Neurologist could read the response they had to it. I felt relieved in a way. Even though I would have this for the rest of my life at least I knew what it was and could try to treat it appropriately.

Fast forward to today, I've lost my job due to my disorder. The pain and frequency of my spasms are much worse and I become completely debilitated when they happen. My family has asked why I don't apply for disability and the reason is that I fear the backlash, those looks and comments you get when you have a handicapped sticker in your car or have special accommodations. I mostly fear four words from someone who couldn't possibly know the pain I experience "You don't look disabled." I fear that upon hearing that I would be angry or hurt, I would be wounded by a person I don't even know or worse, someone close to me. I would also feel the need to explain everything I go through, but I would also doubt they would care. I'm ironically crippled by society's view of what "disabled" is. I continue to try and find a job that will work with my limitations, but without a document proving I am limited, there isn't much they can do. I will have to apply for benefits in one form or another because my family needs my help to support our household. I just hope one day I won't have to fear hearing those words or feeling the glares on my back because my status is disabled, but my appearance is not.

Sources

Picture of woman: https://themighty.com/2017/07/ptsd-childhood-emotional-abuse/

Disabled Definition: Google dictionary

Definition of Ulnar Neuropathy and its symptoms: https://now.aapmr.org/ulnar-nerve-mononeuropathy-at-the-elbow-2/

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About the Creator

Dani Beery

I am a major nerd that is in love with epic stories, video games, and of course writing! Everything from short stories to poems.

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