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Self- isolation Corona

by marie381uk about a year ago in humanity

Mental illness

Ok, so my food mixer has stood three years it the kitchen, well why stand making disastrous cakes all day when you can nip to a three for a quid shop. Except 7 weeks of being very poorly, and self isolating before the lockdown, kind of gets one thinking let’s give it a go. So home made bread it is bloody easy. Then scones and pies. Recovery made me a food mixer goddess. Well done me nooooooooooooo. The pounds leap out of each cake and pie and cling to my guts, noooooo please. Seven weeks recovery and exactly 7 lb on.

See lock down and being at the mercy of my darling husbands cooking which is quite good, took its toil I have paid the price. Yet all jokes aside now, lock down is so needed; don’t get me wrong, it’s just if your like me one minute up in the air the next down in the dumps it takes it out of you.

If I am upset I turn to food even if I am happy I do it there is no middle bit. The lack of exercise does my head in. Sometimes I panicked inside I can’t breath. Four walls a solid structure I can’t see through. Today I went out with my husband to the shops it was like a horror film. Gloved up face masks and once inside the shop, start praying please dont let anyone cough. Little round circles on the shop floor. So the man at the front of me stands between circles, cocking up the safe distance floor plan. Young girl on till no 1, she has no protection, no gloves. I wanted to say love get protection now. Corona is a killer

So then we get to the car, how the heck do I open the door? No choice gloves that maybe contaminated on the door handle jump in gloves off on car floor hand gel out relax. Except can’t help thinking did the man at front silent trump? Read on Face Book Corona can be carried in a trump oh no.

Home now open door hubby takes bags into kitchen I wash my hand while singing happy birthday twice over. Antibacterial wash my phone hubby opens a large bin bag, sets on floor as he sits spraying with Detol and wiping off each item we bought. Job done wash hands again then take antibacterial wipes clean car door handles, in and out, Oh yes also front and back door handles. Corona; I f...ing hate you.

Shopping put away, the night mare starts, we sit with a brew then I think oh no we came indoors with shoes on. Then took them off hall and kitchen floors contaminated for sure. Phone ring balls to it, can’t answer it, no time to chat out comes floor steamer hall and kitchen clean but my feet can’t be it’s been walked into lounge maybe. Oh noooooo steamer out loung hall and kitchen cleaned again. My feet wiped with antibacterial wipes up into shower.

Brew time again all clean Corona killed or is it? as I start to think my throat feels dry scratchy, have I breathed something in at the shop. My heart starts to thump panic hits I feel frightened. Turn tv on take mind off things. Latest Corona death counts on. Off it goes. Lets eat some chocolate 🍫 throat feels better. Maybe it was in my head. I don’t want to die.

Sunday dinner on. I catch a glimpse of my four grandchildren’s pictures. It’s crying time again. Longest time ever away from them and my daughters. My sister who brought me up And brother in law. I want my family. Omg looking out side gangs of teenagers no social distancing there. Are they thick or what. Will this ever go away? Will it come back again after it does go? How can we ever feel safe and clean. Can we ever let the cleaning routine and masks not be apart of our life.

I need the loo, run down hall nearly trip upstairs and yes another OMG what if I had fallen broken something. No it’s not safe to go to hospital. I think I have tooth ache; No can’t go to the Dentest. No Dentest’s working Anyhow. Please don’t let me get ill. I am recovering, Seven weeks not even sure if it was Corona or viral; I do know I was never this ill in my whole life. So it’s bedtime now I eat till my little fat belly cried please no more cramming it in. Omg what if I have heart attack? Can’t go to hospital.

Sat in bed I lived another day. When lights go out hubby snores I cry panic feel I can’t breath shake. Get so worked up I wee all night. 5 am eyes feel heavy. Sleep till 9 up again another depressive day ahead. I do the silent scream inside then try to hold it together. Hold it together just to mark off another day I made it through. That’s if I do. Corona I hate you

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My Name is Marie, I write mainly poetry

I write subjects that I lean towards. No poetry by me, is related to me in any way unless I state it is. I have loved poetry from being 14 years old. Life is a poem grab a pen a tell your story xx

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