Not Taking Things Personally

by Alyson Worrell 2 years ago in humanity

Living with Chronic Pain

Not Taking Things Personally

Learning to not taking anything personally will and has been the hardest agreement for me to master fully because I am a people pleaser, super emotional, and want to be "good" enough for every single person on this planet. The littlest thing someone says to me can set me off. I can take your words, twist them around, bend them over, and take it totally personal. I've always wanted everyone to like me and be my best friend but it's exhausting. I am who I am. You either love me for my flaws or you don't. I have some great friendships that still stand even over two decades but other friendships, I've lost. I'd say one or two friendships ended in tears and disappointment but other friendships that have dissipated were because of distance, time, and just growing up. However, I also end up taking this personally when a good friend of mine stops communicating with me or we just grow apart. I begin to panic and ask myself what I did wrong, why am I not good enough for this friendship anymore? I take it way too personally. Six years since I have graduated from college, I only communicate and socialize with two friendships I made in college. The other girls were so great, kind, and fun. Slowly, the past six years we have all gone our separate ways. Usually, I tried very hard to keep us all connected but everyone became moms, got careers, and moved away or got married. We've grown up and sadly grew apart. Not in a bad way. There were no arguments or tears shed. Only a few tears because at times I do truly miss them. But, they were the greatest college friends I could have ever asked for and I have so many positive memories. To be brutally honest with myself, most people are only thinking of themselves. I do it! We ALL do!!! So, as long as I love myself and know who I truly am, I can't take what people say personally. If it is something negative towards me, it's most likely because that person isn't feeling very good about themselves and they are living in fear. And I know the people in my life from my past and present have truly loved me or love me now. People come and go. Enjoy them, and if they go because of a reason you can't control, love them anyway and think about the good times you had. They probably still love you or miss you just as much as you love and miss them.

Living with chronic pain, I REALLY cannot take anything personally. Especially from doctors. My doctors, surgeons, physical therapist, chiropractors, and pain specialist, I believe, have truly done the best they can. My diagnosis is pretty abnormal. My feelings have been hurt because most of the time I have been let go and sent to another doctor. It wasn't personal. But I did take it pretty personally. Once or twice I have run out of the waiting room or PT room, balling my eyes out. Aren't you guys the professionals. Why can't anyone heal me? My TOS has been compared to only one percent of the entire world having only my symptoms. I am unique and not normal. I'm hoping that my surgeries and giving my surgeons more research to look at will only help others and save others with TOS. They are only human as well. So I can not take it personally.

I can not take it personally that many loved ones in my life do not understand my pain. I am so happy they do not understand but can feel alone at times. I cannot take it personally if people think I am overdramatic about my pain or just wanting attention. I know the awful pain I live with each and every day. This is not the kind of attention anyone would or should want. I cannot take it personally if I have to change my plans over and over again. My body and flare-ups are unpredictable. Plus, having a three-year-old is my first priority and my health over anything else.

Alyson Worrell
Alyson Worrell
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Alyson Worrell

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