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My Body is Defective and I want an Upgrade

by Christy Snow about a year ago in body
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My broken body and my weird medical issues

My Body is Defective and I want an Upgrade

My body is my own worst enemy. It has unexplained quirks; defective issues and it is deserving of a recall. How I wished that I could just trade it in on a cyborg-style, titanium steel body frame and AI type covering from the sci-fi movies. I would not have to worry about arthritis and chronic pain any more. My hypermobile joints would be fixed and no longer a concern when I walk or even happen to stretch wrong. I could go to the grocery store and shopping without breaking out into a hyperhidrosis sweat for no reason and without warning.

When I was younger, I hardly ever broke out in a sweat but now if I am standing then there is a chance that I am going to break out into an unexpected sweat for no explainable reason. It’s like a early menopause hot flash but I have been told I am not in early menopause yet. Could it be from my postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), my mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) or another weird effect of my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome? Could it be another genetic abnormality that I haven’t been made aware of yet or am I in early heart failure or have some worse disease lurking in the curtains waiting to pop out when I hit 40? I promise that I am not a hypochondriac and it actually took me over 30 years just to figure out finally why my body was different from everyone else’s. I just wished that a doctor could figure out all my weird issues and find a way to actually fix them or get rid of them.

As a child I fell often, I scraped elbows and knees constantly, I had horrible allergies which wasn’t helped by the fact that my parents both smoked in the house. My skin would break out in rashes and hives, I was constantly prescribed antibiotics which was little to no help. It seemed like I lived at the doctor’s office when I was 4-7 years old. I was always getting blood work and I wasn’t allowed to tell the doctor what I felt or anything for that matter. Most afternoons my legs and muscles ached horribly. I heard that they were “growing pains” and they would eventually go away but I still have them today at 38 years old. I hate to sit here and be portrayed as “lazy or overweight” when the fact is that my muscles ache daily and some days it feels as if my knee or my shoulder will pop out of their joints as they have before in the past.

I try to exercise to lose weight and I go walking but then I will ache and hurt so bad for up to a week after that I cannot put my foot flat on the floor for the pain in my calves and feet. I tell myself there are people way worse than me when the depression and anxiety developed from my childhood envelop me in their dark arms and black light. It could always be worse, I tell myself. I will take my medications that cause more side effects than cures but do keep my anxiety, depression and blood pressure at least down to a medium tolerance and keeps my inactive thyroid up at a minimum borderline.

I would give anything to be that fit, toned, healthy 30ish woman who looks much younger. That glowing, healthy woman who runs a couple of miles every morning, who swims, does Pilates, weight-lifting and yoga regularly in a week. She works a yoga teacher part-time but has a certification as a personal trainer. She’s also a full-time successful writer and drinks healthy smoothies and cold-brew during her breaks from writing her latest book about food’s healing powers. Oh, well.

My body is defective but it could be worse, I can’t return it or upgrade unfortunately. Maybe they will come out with a genetic therapy with no side effects or a perfect cure for everything that ails me from some alien or foreign technology. Until then, I will push on and trudge further with this body of quirky joints and defective genes.


About the author

Christy Snow

An avid, lifetime reader of non-fiction, true crime, horror, sci-fi, history, classic literature and more. An amateur writer finally taking time in my life to write.

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