Lockdown Musings

This moment in life feels a little like a deja vu. Once again I find myself having to be careful around other people, except that this time around it is not just me. The entire world, as you know unless you have been hiding in a deep, dark hole, had gone into lockdown.

It is so surreal that to think that this time last year, I’d had my hysterectomy and was waiting for the chemo to start. This week last year my oncological surgeon told me that I would need six rounds of chemo followed by radiotherapy to nuke the cancer fully. And here I am now, just over a year later, cancer free but still affected by it. (I think one will always carry the effects, regardless of how long one has been in the ‘clear’.)

I am on the vulnerable people list. I am confined at home. In some ways it is worse this time around. At least last year, I was still allowed to go out and see people. I could go to the shops, the pub, the park. This year all that has been taken away. From all of us.

In a way that makes it easier. Having everyone in the same boat. Everyone feeling the same. Everyone sharing the experience of a life in lockdown.

I also feel like a pro. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt kind of pro. I’ve done this before and survived. That’s why I know I can do this again. And when the lockdown began, I was ready. There have been no days spent in pyjamas in front of the telly. Instead, I knew what to do from day one; it was like slotting back in to the old routine. Writing, looking after the plants, cooking. Sadly, no Dave the Dog this time. I miss the bugger. My tried and tested methods for staying sane kicked straight in. (To read more see https://vocal.media/psyche/looking-after-your-mental-health-during-social-distancing).

Isolation. This time, for me, it is very different. Knowing that everyone else is sharing the experience makes it mentally easier. Sharing isolation experiences and jokes, virtual parties and raves makes social distancing easier to bear.

That is because having cancer is mentally isolating. You can talk to family and friends about how you feel, but they will not understand. They want to but they can’t. No one can unless they have been there themselves. That is why it is so important to talk to other cancer patients and survivors. Whether in person through support groups or through social media. Other cancer fighters are the ones that get you, truly. I guess it is like having been in a serious car accident or had a heart attack or another near death experience. The only people who will fully get what you are going through are those who have experienced it for themselves. They understand how something like that affects and changes you. Forever.

I am so grateful that the virus did not come around last year when I was about to start my treatments. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to have the anxiety over the virus on top of the anxiety over your cancer treatments. Or having delays to your treatment because of the virus. Knowing the delays could cost you your life. But so could exposure to the virus. My heart goes out to anyone going through cancer treatments at the moment. And to the doctors having to make those decisions. Having to balance it all out. Making life and death decisions.

I have praised the NHS, the doctors and the nurses, their dedication and their commitment many times before in my blog (http://letstalkaboutcword.blogspot.com/). As anyone who has been at the received end of their care knows, they are amazing. I am so happy that everyone has woken up to realise how incredible these people are. I bet they never dreamt they would be risking their own lives to look after others. But despite the risk for themselves, their dedication does not waver.

We will get through this epidemic. With the help of the dedicated nurses and doctors around the world. And with the help of other key people, food growers and distributors, food shop staff, bus and tube drivers, cleaners, bin men; all of those who keep things rolling. We are forever in your debt.

As the lockdown continues, stay in and keep safe.

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