Living Life with Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia. It is a common condition that is defined as "widespread muscle pain and tenderness." But anyone with a chronic pain disorder that was lucky enough to get thrown into the 'fibro' category will tell you; it is so much more than that.I have learned that fibromyalgia is not just one singular disorder. It is a place for doctors to put similar "symptomed" patients in so they have a name for it. There are hundreds and hundreds of autoimmune disorders. And the symptoms are so similar and so vast it is easier for them to assign one word. Symptoms vary by patient. I, for one, get chronic migraines, achy bones, sore muscles, fatigue, memory loss, heat sensitivity, brain fog, anxiety, depression and gerd. And so much more!

I am 24 years old and I have knowingly lived with my chronic pain since the spring of 2015. With a combination of medicine, self-love, and a good attitude I get by and live my life the best that I can. But, that doesn't stop the fear of flares or the scares you can have. The best policy is to have a positive attitude and don't worry about something that you cannot change.

Before I was diagnosed I simply thought I was just lazy, I just thought I was fat, I just thought I was crazy because of what I was going through.

One day while I was at work, I has the worst aching in my thighs and legs. Like I had been through the worst leg day ever while simultaneously getting hit by a truck. Days went by and it never stopped aching—I should also mention that yes I am on the pudgy side and I am not athletic at all.

I finally decided that it was time to go and see what was wrong with me. I was fully prepared for the blood test to say thyroid or diabetes. But alas, no. Neither of those were suspect. The doctor said "this looks like it may be lupus, but I can't say that officially." My heart literally dropped. I had an aunt who had passed from complications with her lupus. And I knew it wasn't good.

I then saw a rheumatologist. She took 37 vials of blood from me on my first visit. On my second visit I got my results:

I hit all but four of the lupus markers, so that was eliminated. But alarmingly so, one of my results was called "undifferentiated auto immune disease," which is why I was thrown into the fibromyalgia melting pot.

I have tried a lot of things. Some days I don't know I am in pain until I lie down and allow myself to feel. Sometimes I run into people who I have known all of my life... And their name is so hard to remember. I lose things as soon as they leave my hands. Sometimes I feel so stupid and I get depressed. I was a very bright student and I feel like all of the information has been sucked out of my brain. This disease is a thief and a bully, but I have to push on. I refuse to let this monster destroy me. I take care of myself and I take it easy, but I also live. I work hard at my job, I come home and sleep and do it all over again. It can be done. To all of you reading this I want you to know that there are more of us that understand. Take care of yourself and love yourself.