Life With A Chronic Illness

Today is Tuesday, November 24, 2020. I feel like I have been hit by a train. The typical feeling when I first get up in the morning. Almost every person with fibromyalgia or chronic pain feels like this when they first wake up. Sleeping is a relief since I don't feel pain, don't think. Sleep does not come easy for me at all. I will be so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open, but trying to fall asleep is another thing. You see, on top of fibromyalgia, I also have 2 herniated discs in my neck, 4 herniated discs in my low back, spinal degeneration, spinal stenosis, arthritis in my back, arthritis in my hands, knees & feet. I have a hard time falling asleep to different types of pain. It makes getting comfortable far from easy. I usually have to have a heating pad under my low back and a body pillow for my right side. I also have 2 pillows I use between my knees. This helps keep my spine aligned properly. When I do finally get comfortable, I sleep for a couple of hours at a time. Very frustrating! Some nights, I only manage a half-hour of sleep. This sleep pattern does not help with chronic pain. I feel like a permanently exhausted pigeon.

With the sleep struggles, comes thinking issues. Not having a full night's rest, can make things difficult. Thinking is a chore. It's a struggle to think when dealing with chronic pain, but throw in lack of sleep? UGH! It makes choices difficult. I feel overwhelmed at times. I forget little things even while doing them. Lack of sleep also makes the pain worse. When I do my every day to day things, I have to take my time. I have to decide if I had enough sleep, how much pain I am in before I can decide what to do. What would take a normal, healthy person to do in an hour, takes me about three hours.

Concentrating is extremely difficult. I have a hard time formulating the words I want to use. I have a hard time reading & doing just about everything. It's hard to concentrate when in pain. I home school my daughter & that is challenging enough. Throw in the fibro fog, yeah, challenge! That's ok though, I'm always up for a challenge. When I am trying to read, write, or do whatever, it's hard to do when someone is talking to me. I can't focus on many things at once anymore. It's a struggle to try & think & write at the same time. It's even more difficult when someone is talking to me. I have to stop what I am doing so I can focus on the person speaking. Before I was sick, I could multi-task like a goddess. Now that I deal with chronic pain, I can't do that anymore. It was very heartbreaking at first. I felt like a failure. After many years of living with this,& the support from family & friends, I know I am not a failure. I get what is called sensory overload. This is when you experience over-stimulation from your surroundings. It could be noise, smell, amount of people around you. It makes it difficult to concentrate. Most of the time, I need to stop what I am doing & take a breather. This way, I can get more accomplished & not get so frustrated that I yell at someone.

The last few days have been challenging because of trying to get things done around the house, teaching my daughter & getting ready for the upcoming holiday. I take frequent breaks but have managed to get things done. I am feeling accomplished today, although I know I will pay the price once the holiday is over. I will gladly pay the price to see my family & friends happy & healthy.