5 Things You Can Do With Honey

Honey is just beyond great. It may be one of the most fantastic things on the face of the planet. You know it, I know it, and they know it. Heck, even that beloved bear Winnie the Pooh knows it. Honey is a delicious and nutritious natural sweetener, and unlike that dastardly cancer causing sugar, honey gives the body an energetic boost which does not cause it to crash! But did you know honey has a ton more uses than just eating it or putting it in your coffee and tea? Yes? You did? Well, good for you, you show-off, but I bet you didn't know all of these!

5. Use it as a face mask

Did you know you can totally use honey as a face mask, and it is really good for your skin! I'm talking Sephora good! Just cover your face with honey, let it sit for fifteen to thirty minutes, and then go wash it off! You may need to shower, as it can be pretty messy! But, when you see how smooth and silky your skin is afterwards, you will not regret the time you spent. I recommend something to cover your eyes though. An actual mask or something, like what you get on airplanes to help you sleep, and not something like slices of cucumber. If you get too much honey in your eyes or your eyelids, it can be a real pain in the butt.

4. Use it as a food glue to create magnificent edible sculptures

If you love making beautiful stuff that you can eat, honey can be a great adhesive. Luckily for clever chefs, honey works with both savory and sweet dishes, often bridging the gap between complex flavor notes! Anyone who has eaten a lot of Chinese food knows this of course, but even those of us with racist tongues who don't enjoy Chinese food I'm sure have heard rumblings on the street about honey's uncanny abilities to bring a dish together. Regardless if you are trying to make a Taj Mahal cookie sculpture or if you just want to do something simple and easy like The Mona Lisa with vegetables, honey is the only adhesive you should be using for your food art.

3. It's great for getting ants to eat a person's head

Okay, so this isn't legal, and I am not recommending you try this out. However, if society ever breaks down, and you want to punish trespassers, roaming gangs or just that guy your wife smiles a little too wide at, this probably will be useful knowledge. See, if you bury someone in the ground, with just their head popping up out of the dirt, you can pour honey all over their head, sit back, relax and enjoy the show! Ants will slowly eat their face, regardless of what kind of honey you use.

PRO TIP: Make sure to bring a cooler with you, ants eating a man's face off is no quick death, and you may be there a while. You wouldn't go to a tailgate party without enough booze, and this is sort of in the same category, sort of.

2. Mix with your enema to eliminate constipation

This is a really cool one I learned from a homeless heroin addicted yoga master in San Francisco. If you combine your normal store bought enema with some honey, it won't just ease your bowel movements, but acts as a colon cleanse of sorts too. Also, if your partner(s) enjoys "eating groceries" apparently this adds a lot of flavor to your bum. I personally think clover honey is the best for this, but you'll see a lot of arguing online about which style truly is the most effective. Like with most things, I believe it comes down to personal preference, so don't be afraid to experiment with different types of honey. One time in a pinch I even used the packets of honey from a Popeye's chicken, and while it wasn't the best, it worked fine.

1. Help hold onto your drum sticks

Are you a drummer whose drum sticks go flying way too often? Pour some honey on your hands (not too much, you will make a big mess) before picking up your drum sticks next time. Many pro drummers use this technique, although not a lot will admit it. Like when baseball pitchers put stuff on baseballs, this is seen as a rather cheap trick, and ironically the drummer from Cheap Trick uses this technique! Cheap Trick uses a cheap trick, who would have guessed it?

Well, that's it boys and girls. Not sure what other tips I could teach you, I mean without getting paid. You've already gotten five things to try, why are you bugging me for more stuff? Feel free to read the rest of my articles to learn all sorts of fascinating things.