Top Tips For Door Dash Drivers

In this new world of people not wanting to work jobs so they just shop for people with jobs as a job, Door Dash, Uber, Instacart and others are becoming more and more popular of a way to scrape by in this cold, cruel world. There certainly are a lot of advantages to these programs, such as being able to pick your own hours, not having to ever look a boss in the face, decent money and not having to argue with your fellow co-workers over what is on the radio. Yes, in a way, it is a golden age for lazy entrepreneurs. I don't mean that in a degrading way, but now is a time where anyone can be their own boss, even if they aren't actually in charge of their own corporation.

In the first of this several part series, we are going to identify the best practices for Door Dashers, in order to enable them to maximize the amount of orders they can take in a day plus put more tip dollars in their pockets.

TIP #1: DON'T FIGHT, TURN RIGHT

The police have an old saying that even the most anti police can't disagree with: don't fight, turn right. This of course is reference to cities with lots of traffic. If you get stuck at a red light, don't sit and wait like some putz nebbish, turn right instead and go up a block. This move unfortunately doesn't work if turning right with place you on a freeway. Lastly, make sure you aren't going the wrong way down a one way street like my adopted brother Liu always does! Love you Liu!

TIP #2: DON'T EAT THE CUSTOMERS FOOD

Trust me, as a person who has been bravely fighting food addiction for most of her life, I know how hard it is to not sneak a couple or few fries from a person's order. I mean, what's the harm if you slurp some pho broth or eat just one taco? Well, our studies have found that 57% of people will notice when part of their meal is missing, and a shocking 92% of people won't let a bite out of their sandwich go unnoticed. See, at the end of the day, people are cheapskates and will notice being ripped off even a few cents. So put down that chicken strip and don't take any chugs off their milkshake, because if they do notice, you can kiss that tip goodbye.

TIP #3: DON'T RUN INTO THEIR KIDS IF THEIR KIDS ARE PLAYING OUTSIDE

This is an important one to remember. While it may be tempting to run over children playing in the street while making deliveries, you can't forget that while you are your own boss as a Door Dasher, you are still at work. So, be professional, and don't even nudge them with your bumper a little to put the fear of God into them.

BONUS TIP: You can write down addresses of people you'd like to visit off the clock, if you catch my drift.

TIP #4: DON'T SPIT IN THE CUSTOMER'S FOOD, OR DO ANY OTHER FORM OF MESSING WITH THEIR FOOD!!!

I can't stress this enough: don't mess with the food! I know, I know: the food is just sitting there and the lazy bum who can't even get their own Wendy's probably does deserve it, I get it. These are scientifically proven facts and I'm not one to discredit or argue with science. But, you'd notice if it happened to you, so chances are so will whatever bozo you happen to be delivering to.

TIP #5: Smile

Nothing makes a person feel better than a smile, besides maybe certain illicit substances I'm better off not mentioning. While we're not going to advise handing out complimentary "nose clams" with your delivery orders outside of Oregon, we are going to suggest that you keep a smile plastered on your face as if your life depends on it! Why? Because it does! You're doing this to get paid, and the only way you're going to get as many tips is if you're friendly. However.....

BONUS TIP: Master the art of fake crying! When the folks get their food, 85% will ask you if everything is alright. That's when you lie about your child recently being diagnosed with cancer and BOOM, you are going to receive some master tips. This is a risky move, because if you can't sell your sadness well enough, you'll most certainly get less tips.

Now that you've got these top 5 tips, you are ready to begin your career as a delivery driver for people with more disposable income or just as bad of money management skills as you have. Have fun, and check out the rest of our articles for more life changing advice.