Lifehack logo

My home intruder survival guide.

10 points that you might not have considered.

By Ross E Fortune LombardiPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 5 min read




Just for craps and giggles here is my home intruder survival guide.

10 points that you might not have considered.


1 )

ALWAYS, first and foremost!

Escape the property, Escape the property, Escape the property,


Phone for help, Phone for help, Phone for help,

I don't care how well trained you think you are, You are not Batman.

Why take silly risks!

The rest of these points are only if Escape the property and Phone for help, are not realistic options!


2 )

Never say who’s there,

Stay deadly quiet until you can get to an escape or a phone to call for help.


3 )

Try and turn off all the power or all the lights out,

You have the home turf advantage.

You know your way around your own home much better than they do.

Let them stumble in the dark.


4 )

If it comes to it.

No matter how big a person is,

Wind pipes and eyeballs are not protected by any protective muscle tissue,

Nether are many "Ganglion Clusters" if you want to look them up and their location on the average human body.

Forget 80s films like “DIE HARD” – ALL us humans are ridiculously vulnerable and easily killed!

(compared to many other animals)

Your attacker is no exception!

Don’t let the base psychology of their intimidation and swagger make you forget this fact!


5 )

Don't be too proud to beg for mercy,


But at the same time do not be as scared as you pretend to be!

Douche bags love to roll their eyes in disdain,

Make creepy comments and other silly, TV villain-style, dramatic stuff.

You only need them to blink, look away or roll their head back in laughter for a split second to get an attack window.

See- point 4 above.


6 )

Never assume an assailant is ever really unconscious and harmless,

If you are in the USA and in a state where you are legally allowed to do so.

Use the entire clip, not just one bullet!

OR if you are not in the USA, keep your distance, NEVER approach and bombard them with heavy shit instead, from beyond reach.

Aim for the head, when you throw!

If you pelt someone with standard canned food as hard as you can, from beyond reach, trust me - you will do some, "keep them the hell down" damage!


7 )

If anyone has a machete or Baseball bat or similar.

And you are in half a foot range or less of their maximum swing reach!

Rush forward not back.

I know it's counter-intuitive, but half the significant damage for long weapons is from the physical laws of leverage.

The end of a swing will do far more damage than halfway up.

And if you can get even closer and the weapon is long enough, it becomes useless and you gain the close-quarter advantage.

They will have both hands still full while for a split second at least, You will not!

Again, See- point 4 above.

Narrow hallways in this situation are your friend!

(Note: Beware of potential bunting with the hilt – but this is unlikely unless they have experience and training to know how to use every part of a weapon – and if they had that – they would be far less likely to be trying to pick on you!)


8 )

If you are being strangled,

Do not waste time grasping at their hands to try and release their grip.

Even “IF” your physical strength is equal, (and chances are they are stronger than you) they are likely to have a better angle and purchase than you do and will still win!

I know it is counter-intuitive,

But think tactically

They currently have their hands full.

They can not guard shots to the eyeballs or throat but the angle is likely to be wrong, and they may use their elbow to stop you from reaching those places.

However, there are plenty of other target spots left below their elbows!

A strong thumb strike to the upturned “V” of the rib cage.

Or duel thumb stikes to the kidneys, around the back and sides of the torso,

Or Thumb strike under the deepest part of each armpit, etc

(Note, If they have a “ripped” body with a “six-pack”, this may look cool on magazine covers, but it also means they have unnaturally pulled back and grouped normally protective muscle tissue away and form the kidney area! Making it far more vulnerable than normal!)

Again, See- point 4 above.


9 )

Make Them Enraged??

Use this bit of advice with caution…

You will have to make a judgement call here.

If they can be reasoned or negotiated with,

(They just want your laptop and some cash)

Then by all means reason and negotiate!


If they are not reasonable and are just a “nut job”, hell-bent on hurting you then Make them mad!

Make them as angry as you can!

If hurting you is what they wanted then no matter what they may claim, such as

“You're asking for it Now!”

Trust me, they are lying to make you feel that you somehow brought what's coming next, upon yourself – It is just narcissistic bullshit - They were still going to hurt you just as much anyway, even if you baked them cookies!

Angry people do stupid things and make stupid mistakes.

A person's normal problem capabilities are severely reduced when they are enraged.

(It’s a survival trait from back when we were cave people)

Lowering their effective IQ by flooding it with naturally accruing rage chemicals can, if used tactically, give you a huge advantage!

Increasing their pain threshold by flooding it with naturally accruing rage chemicals can, if used tactically, give you a huge advantage! – They may not realize how badly hurt they are and accidentally push themselves to breaking point. Ignoring things, like how badly they might be bleeding, or rips to any tendons, for example!

Again, I repeat, Use this bit of advice with caution… You will have to make a carefully thought-out judgment call here!


If they have a long weapon. Any wild enraged swing of rage will do less damage than any calm, concentrated, targeted one!

If armed with a gun, Rage can also adversely affect their aim if their pulse rate has increased enough!


10 )

Your biggest threat is not them!

Your biggest threat is yourself!

It is normal for a well-adjusted human to not want to harm anyone.

Your natural humanity and any inner gentle nature are your biggest threat.

You need to teach yourself, under those circumstances, NOT TO HESITATE, AT ALL, even for the briefest of seconds.

To do that you need to Visualise, over and over, then Visualise some more!

The cliche that your life flashes before your eyes in a near-death situation is true!

It Is your mind's way of desperately searching its entire “databank” for any last-ditch survival solutions.

So, pre-program that “Data bank”



how to

About the Creator

Ross E Fortune Lombardi

Writer. Gamer, Goth

A (Constantly Failing To Be Funny) satirist!

[email protected]

Mutare non est meum

Cantus moriar


Enjoyed the story?
Support the Creator.

Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.

Subscribe For Free

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

Top insights

  1. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  2. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  3. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  1. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  2. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  3. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

Add your insights

Comments (1)

  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran2 years ago

    This was very informative and I loved that you added humour to it

Ross E Fortune LombardiWritten by Ross E Fortune Lombardi

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.