Living With Chronic Pain

Anyone who lives with chronic pain knows that to say it’s not easy is about as useful as a limp lettuce.

The same with the abundance of advice out there, such as: do deep breathing exercises, meditate, exercise, mind over matter, positive affirmations, and all the rest of it.

I’m not saying that none of the above is useful, but for certain, each has a time, a place, and a specific application. There’s no such thing as a ‘cure all’—and not all chronic pain is curable. For millions of people, overwhelming pain is their normal.

How do you live with that?

How do you keep going?

Normally, I’m a happy, caring, and giving person. It takes a lot to lay me low. A huge amount to rouse me to anger. Or it used to. Chronic pain, coupled with the inevitable chronic insomnia, which accompanies constant, high-level pain, is a game changer. And it’s not only me who has to learn to live with my altered personality, but also my friends and loved ones. Pain fuels anger. Fuels depression. Fuels a lack of self-esteem. When you can’t even stand long enough to make a cup of coffee (using an instant hot tap; not waiting for a kettle to boil) without abject agony, it’s ridiculously easy to feel useless and a burden to those who live with you. And when all your energy is focused on just coping, you have little patience or brain space remaining to deal with any other stressors, no matter how seemingly minor.

So, what can you do?

Let’s start with the basics.

Sometimes, just dragging my pain-riddled body out of bed is a huge achievement. I’ve lost count of the number of mornings I’ve lain struggling to find the wherewithal to shove back the duvet and begin the arduous process of manoeuvring myself so I sit at the edge of the mattress. This is because I know how much anything I do next is going to hurt. Add to that the knowledge ‘I have f***k all to do today’, and it makes the whole ordeal so much worse.

In my Vocal story, A Stitch in Time, I talk about how activity limiting injury and pain can become. Though cross stitch came to the rescue at that point in my life, I now have days where even that little is too much. Days when all I can manage is to read a book. And even then, my arms hurt. On some of those days, while I haven’t been suicidal, I’ve certainly welcomed the thought of my life ending naturally and soon. And on the heels of that, immediately feel selfish for even entertaining the notion.

Such feelings are normal when we hurt so much and so constantly.

Such feelings come regardless of how much love surrounds us.

Such feelings make us human.

For me, to get myself up and moving, it can help to focus on the immediate task at hand … such as putting on my false leg or transferring from bed to electric wheelchair—depending on how my morning looks when I wake. Each day, I have to make a judgement call on what’s the best approach, and I can swap later if the need/opportunity arises.

The severity of my pain demands I break any activity down into its component parts. Usually, this means interspersing any standing with sitting if I’m on my feet. Or resting against the seat back if I’m in the wheelchair and have had to lean forward or stretch to reach something, etc. One advantage of this approach is that I can also focus on one single component at a time instead of the whole thing.

The same with my day. It’s too much to take it all in one chunk. That chokes me more often than not. If I lie there and think about the long, long, loooong day ahead, I’ll never find the strength, energy, or courage to get out of bed. So, I deal with one tiny thing at a time. Over the years, I’ve heard this kind of advice so often it sounds trite and like a cliché. And coming from people who simply spout the words while having no actual experience or understanding of what life in my shoes is like just makes me want to roll my eyes. All I can say is this method works for me most of the time. Not all the time.

Some of the time is better than none of the time.

Here, I want to say that the umbrella term of ‘chronic pain’ is too broad to be useful. We suffer pain for many reasons. And the experience of chronic pain differs according to what the cause might or might not be. Some can be cured. Some not. While exercise may help alleviate some conditions, such as ME (CFS), it is almost certain to exacerbate other conditions, such as Rheumatoid Arthritis. As a result, what works for me might leave you feeling even worse.

Sometimes, the only things that help are drugs to ease the pain. Medicated relief can be the only tool that makes the difference between getting out of bed or staying buried beneath the duvet.

In my future pieces on the topic of living with chronic pain, I want to take a look at the many aspects life with pain involves. Things like the stigma that can surround taking opiate pain killers long term, how we deal with not being able to be spontaneous or a rabid social animal, about depression and anger, and helping our nearest and dearest cope with living life in proximity to us. If you’d like me to cover any particular aspect of living with chronic pain, please let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear about anything that has helped you, or a person you know who experiences chronic pain, get out of bed and deal with your day.

It is my sincere hope that by sharing my personal experiences, I may help a fellow sufferer. And I use the term ‘sufferer’ deliberately. While there can be, and are, positives along the way, let’s not beat about the bush: Chronic pain brings with it suffering. Yes, we have choices. Yes, the sun does break through in all its brilliance at times. And, yes, despite all that, thunder growls and lightning strikes.

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to seeing you in Part Two! Hugs, Harmony 💕🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[DISCLAIMER: Harmony Kent is not a medical or health professional. All content and media in this Vocal piece on Living with Chronic Pain by Harmony Kent is created and published online for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice and should not be relied on as health or personal advice.

Always seek the guidance of your doctor or other qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard the advice of a medical professional, or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this page.

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the nearest hospital emergency department, or call the emergency services immediately. If you choose to rely on any information provided on this page, you do so solely at your own risk.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~