I Hate My Neighbours So We’re Living In A Van
We Have To Go Before It Turns Even Uglier.
I’ve moved a lot in my life. I’ve had my fair share of shitty neighbours. And whilst the neighbours I have right now aren’t the worst, they’re up there. The title of the worst neighbour belongs to the rugby player who was beating his pregnant wife. And before anyone asks, yes, I did call the police. But my current neighbours are truly garbage people. If the UK had “poor white trash” these people would fit the bill. They’re inconsiderate, they scream and swear at their kids. I’ve heard the so-called mother calling the older child (7-year-old girl) “a fucking bitch, a mong and a fucking idiot.”The dad screams in their faces like he’s yelling at grown men and to top it all off, now they have a puppy. And if you were ever wondering, someone who doesn’t know how to treat children definitely doesn’t know how to treat a puppy.
I’ve tried everything I can, the NSPCC, the police and RSPCA, but nothing’s happened.So as you do when you get bad neighbours, we’re moving. But we’re not just moving into a house or flat. No, no, that would be far too easy. We’ve decided to move into a camper van and go travelling.A bit extreme? Well, yes. But the neighbours weren’t the only reason we decided to do this. We were completely put off by the thought of having neighbours like this again.
But there were other factors that influenced our decision. Due to several sudden bereavements, we decided that life was too short. Too short to spend going to work, paying bills and dying. Too short not to see some of the beautiful things that the world has to offer. And too short to listen to borderline child abusers every day for the rest of our lives.
We bought a camper van, quit our jobs and sold pretty much everything we own. We’ve kept 2 storage boxes full of things we don’t want to ever get rid of. But apart from that, if we don’t need it, we got rid of it. And if it doesn’t fit in the van, we can’t have it. The same thing applies if it’s breakable or too heavy.
We won’t be alone though, we’re taking our dog Duke (a Transylvanian Hound) and our cat Jet (a black domestic shorthair.) We haven’t got a plan, which is hard for me because I am definitely a planner. I’m the kind of annoying person who has all the Christmas shopping done by September. I also have a really strong fear of intruders and claustrophobia! So all in all, it’s going to be an interesting experience. But nothing that a crossbow and plenty of light won’t fix. We’ve redecorated the van to make it seem more like a home. And considering we did it in less than a month, I think we did a pretty solid job. It’s going to be a hell of a change.
I have very long hair, and if you’ve ever used a 12v hairdryer, well you’ll know you could breathe your hair dry quicker. It will mean air drying my hair, no more long hot showers (no more showers if we can’t get the water pump working.) No more washing machine or tumble dryer and no more heavy duty door lock.
I know there’s going to be some major bumps in the road as it were. I mean we’ve come across 2 and we haven’t even left yet. The guy who wired in the LED lights did them wrong, and now they don’t work. And the water pump keeps totally draining the leisure battery. But even so, I’m excited. Like I say, I’m a planner, I’ve never really winged it before. But on this adventure, we’re doing nothing but.