how to get rejected from an interview

It starts with you rising up early in the morning. It starts with trying to make some breakfast and then realizing that your almond milk went sour and you have nothing to go in your vanilla crunch Honey bunches of oats, because it’s frosted flakes that float omg, they’re honey bunches of oats ! You do the responsible thing that adults do, eat cereal. No? That's when you decide to create a pb sandwhich instead , yum protein. Now that your field you triple-check your emails to ensure that you have the time and date correct, cuz after all it is a pandemic and you've been hibernating in your hotel room for well over a year now. That's because your governor deemed your job non-essential- like who died and made him queen pin on a bill of health- oh yea that's right just the hundreds of thousands whose lives have been compromised due to the modern-day famine. This makes you depressed, that makes you depressed. Welp, you still have to get up, because you still need a job, because you like nice things, and Mother's Day is coming up. Dang it, you lost track of time, you haven't kissed your mom in mad long bro.*remember to call your mom* Now let's add that to the long list line of shit that you have to do, including giving your all and aceing this interview, am I right! Because like stated before, you need a job. Mastering productivity and self reminders not to neglect your personal responsibilities ie, buying your Mom flowers on Mothers Day is a big deal. Whether you like to admit it or not doing anything outside of leisurely activities, is adulting. And making preparations for a lethal interview is - well kind of harsh , to call things lethal with no context. Yes, an interview needs context.

I was preparing for this grown-folk-business for too long. It seemed like forever the day to come in fact, all the signs along the week began were pointed towards my absolute success in this Restaurant server position. After breakfast came the confirmation of not only dread, of forced professionalism, but the bubble guts from nerves. I get on the zoom call in a haste-undressed. Then proceed to change in front of my poor audience. All twelve candidates got a view of ass and titties as I switched out my jammies. "Oh no"! one yelled, " you're cameras on " the host says as others just look back in a mix between disbelief and boredom. I'm doomed for sure, I dive under my desk in complete shock initially then realize I don't truly care that they see me naked, I'm just sure that they fucking fire torched, shredded then threw out my application for indecent exposure on like 5 HR different accounts.

After the refreshing introduction, I shyly type my name in the participation box for a ‘heck why not’ and a 'what can a girl do'. After a series of confirmation via emails, I get promoted into the next round. The manager accepts my mating call or whatever, and I give my best Leslie Stahl impression the entire time. The interview goes as cringy as expected, and then I am connected back to liason whom conducted the pre- screening interview before the screen goes completely Black. I mean destiny is not completely on my side at this time and i urggghh , hate her for it. I actually hate anyone named Destiny at this point. I do not know if I got the job! How will I ever know!?