Fun with Catfishers

As it so often does, the Urban Dictionary has described a catfisher perfectly:

“A catfisher is the name coined to a bottom dwelling human, who spends a great deal of time on the net in various locations, luring people into a falsely based romance.”

During COVID-19, catfishers are trying their luck in a greater number of ponds than ever before. Even the chat on Words with Friends and other mobile games are populated by recent widowers who wives have all died of cancer leaving them to fend for four young children by their very lonely selves. Female catfishers are less likely to have children. They are generally out of work while caring for at least one sick parent. If the hook you, or think they have, they will ask you for money to help them out of a tight spot. A recurring tight spot.

Thanks to MTV’s show Catfish, it’s never been easier to identify a catfisher at first ping. Total strangers who profess their interest after just three lines of text. Total strangers who are in a hurry to get you off Words with Friends, or Twitter, or Instagram and into Whatsapp. Total strangers whose locations and professions and backgrounds differ wildly from one day to the next.

The question is, how can you make your COVID-19 time as home more fun with the explosion of catfishers it had brought? It is certainly essential that our society takes aim to waste their time, upset their operations and destroy their methods. The number of people who have fallen victim to these love scams to the tune of thousands of dollars is astonishing. Older men and women, many of whom are widowed or widowers, seem to be among the victims people are most familiar with. Their catfishers pretend to have experienced the same loss.

Victims of catfishers are not alone. According to an article in the UK’s Metro News, as many as 43% of men and 28% of women have been catfished. 20% of victims send their catfishers money. So, how can you upset their apple cart?

Waste their time. The longer you keep their attention, the less time they will have to target a vulnerable person. Here are three examples for doing just that:

1. Respond, but be too good to be true or too desperate for words. She/he is an accountant? You are a Chief Financial Officer whose business accounts are all locked down thanks to hackers. They are stuck at home caring for an aging parent. You are staying a homeless shelter having given up your own home to care for elderly relatives who died. As soon as your catfisher mentions their financial state, whether good or bad, ask them for a loan. They need food money, you need medicine money. They need just $500 to last them until their inheritance comes in? You need just $5000 until the corporate accounts are released by law enforcement.

2. Flip the contact model. Ask for their phone number so you can talk on the phone or video chat immediately. While demanding face-to-face conversation, refuse any overture to chat on Whatsapp, Google Hangouts or Messenger. Tell them your phone is monitored and you are worried about them being tracked by a jealous ex-lover.

3. Emphasize your refusal to travel or to have visitors. Who buys a ticket to visit their catfisher? Who sends their catfisher money for a plane ticket? This is where catfishers make their demands most heart-wrenchingly. By refusing to travel or to have visitors, you are allowing the “Alas! Of Romantic melodrama to soothe their cynical, predatory hearts.” It’s a public service, really.

And, lastly, be sure to send them links to your Vocal articles. Every reader is important.