Discovering Your True Values In Life

That's right, your personal values definitely shapes your destiny in some way, shape or form. They can be likened to your golden nest egg in life. That kingpin...maybe. It is human nature to be motivated and laser beamed focused towards those activities and areas of life that are highest on your personal values list or hierarchy. For example, you cannot hold an individual back from waking up at the crack of dawn in order to work out at the gym or go for a run; no different to a seven-year old playing video games for hours on end, with laser beam focus, while they complain of boredom when it comes to learning algebra in the classroom. What we focus our time, energies, and attention on all boils down to what we value the most in our life.

How can we figure this out? Then again, the quality of the questions you ask yourself helps your mind come up with some creative solutions to indecision, as well as to those most pressing dramas and issues. Motivational speaker and teacher, Dr John Demartini is the genius that came up with the value determinants, on the back of asking quality questions on your life.

Firstly, how do you spend your time? It all makes sense, because us human beings are here to live life to the fullest. I get it, the majority of us spend the most time at work; yet that aside, success certainly leaves clues. On the other hand, if you scale back your working hours by choice, so to make room for other things in your life...then what are those other things that you are making room for? There is always a trade off. If you constantly think about your specific person for example; then it is fair to purport that relationships is high up on your personal values in that regard. It is no different to finding a seven year old getting agitated around learning math at school, while on the other hand, this same seven year old can concentrate on video games like Minecraft for hours on end yet again.

What would you do if your boss was kind, and you were given an afternoon off from work? Would you go home and study in your field to better yourself? Go for a massage? Check your finances? Work on your side hustle? Catch up with people?

How do you fill your space? When you visit someone's home, and they have a wall full of college degrees; chances are that mental and intellectual stimulation is high up on that person's values. Perhaps their career? Or their career in the pursuit of making money? If you were to view someone's cubicle in an office based role; what is displayed on their desk? What is hanging up in their cubicle space?

What do you think about the most? This could also be on what you internalise about the most. If you focus a lot on making more money for example, and therefore inspiration strikes to do a Google search on how to do that, combined with asking yourself how this can be done; it is highly likely that your personal finances/financial situation is high up on your hierarchy of values.

What do you talk about in social settings? If you find yourself bored, restless, and/or disengaged and disinterested in what another person (or a group of people) are sharing, then you will naturally tune out. That tuning out is valuable feedback that the topic of conversation surrounding a certain life area is low on your values list. The opposite is (dualistically) true. Your body language is positive when you are listening to a topic that you are passionate about. Time flies when you are having fun, and only when you are engaged in something that is high up on your values. No clock watching here. Conversely, what you talk about the most and steer the conversation towards at parties and other social events hints significantly at what you value the most in your life.

What do you spend your money on? If you find that you have more month than money at the end of your month; it just goes to show that saving money and building wealth (the financial aspect) is low on your values. Once pay day arrives, and money gets spent on (say) clothes and Jimmy Choo shoes before anything else; fashion and/or beauty is high up on your values. If saving money and building wealth is 15th on your list, and you are in debt; you will stay in that position unless money/finances is at least in the top three on your values overall.

What activity/activities give you the most energy? Fatigue, boredom, tiredness, and restlessness does not belong when engaging in an activity that is high up on your values. For example, yours truly loves her business, and it is fair to say that my business is high up on my personal values in this regard. No one wakes me up in the morning and forces me to open up the laptop and write. It is second nature to me. Same with other elements of my freelance work. You can find someone watching a documentary for their work on the couch, and the next minute they receive a phone call stating that they have won an all expenses paid trip interstate. As a result, this same individual is up off the couch, full of beans in two seconds flat. Traveling is higher on that person's values than being a student is, or something else vocational. In some temporary part-time jobs that yours truly has held; I have found that certain tasks give me a high, while others energetically drain me, while I stare at the computer screen in disbelief, un-productivity, and annoyance; even with the highly paid gigs.

In the area/s of your life where you find yourself the most orderly and organised provides valuable insights as to your highest values in life. Take one person who signs up for a gym membership, and has the group exercise timetable attached to their fridge and/or notice board at home, and/or at work with certain classes and times highlighted; I bet your bottom dollar that that person is highly organised when it comes to their health and fitness. Those who quickly abandon their gym membership sit in the opposite camp. Again, no criticism, it is what it is, and how humans are naturally drawn and interested in those areas of life that are important to them. No different to someone who plans their meals a week in advance, to batch cook healthy food, while another person wings it when it comes to their dietary requirements.

This leads onto the next values determinant: where are you the most disciplined and focused? In areas of your life where you have laser beam focus when either working and/or listening to a TED talk, just goes to show what is truly important to that person. Listening to (say) a podcast on crypto for one person lights up their world, while for another the same podcast puts them to sleep.

What we visualise the most also leaves valuable footprints. The magazines that one person grabs to cut out images to place on their vision board for the dreams they wish to come to fruition in their life is another valuable feedback mechanism on what is important to that person. Additionally, area/s of your life that inspire you the most leaves some clues. For example, if you study and admire Richard Branson, then being an entrepreneur and business person is valuable to you, while on the other hand, if you study Michael Jordan, then sports and fitness is valuable to you.

What you love learning about, combined with the books you like to read, and the content you like to listen to - combined with the seminars you attend in your precious spare time provides priceless insights on what makes you tick.

It is also a great idea to reflect back on your life, and focus on the goals you have achieved; especially the longer term goals. If we set goals in area/s of our life that are low on our values hierarchy; we resent ourselves, and therefore feel bad and hard on ourselves for not achieving such. It is because that area is low on your values list. It feels like codependency and people pleasing dominates.

As mentioned in the sub-heading of this article; the great news is that we do not need to settle for the order of our values hierarchy, unless we really want to. Nothing is permanent or set in stone here. Once you have gone through all of the questions and tips above; you then keep your own personal tally of how many times each area of your life pops up - even if it is only once.

For example, say your finances is number one on your hierarchy of values, and your health is third place; any place from second place onwards. In this scenario, you might not be happy with this. Now the time comes to link the values of health and finances together, so that your health moves up to first place, while your finances go down a gear into second place. Now ask yourself "How can being healthy benefit my financial situation?" and "How can being healthy enable me to (whatever the financial goal is - for example save money, pay off debts and build wealth)?" List as many benefits as you can come up with in response to these questions. Go rogue. If you aim for at least 50-100, then a serious internal shift has taken place, and you will start to notice these changes in your life. For example, you will be healthier, and your bank account balance will begin to increase. If not, portions of your income will begin to stick with you a little longer. In turn, linking this shift by listing the benefits of how the higher level value can benefit the lower level value.

There is no hard and fast rule as to how many times you need to do this entire exercise; yet once every six months is the sweet spot. The ball is in your court here. If you life is in a state of flux, and you want to move the goal posts more often; then checking in on your values system, and making the necessary shifts is necessary to do on a regular basis. The journal is your best friend here; if not a simple notebook and paper will suffice.

To conclude, if your hierarchy of values system can talk to you, as well as that previous high up value...it would be asking for you to kindly let it go. That's right, just let me go...and I don't care anymore. Yours truly has to sign off with a song, as music is inspiring right now. This song by Grimes is the best calm down music of all, in addition to being quite upbeat. It is on topic. This one is great to listen to, no matter the mood or time of day. You're welcome. Paying attention to your values allows you to shine. Again, one of the best hits that yours truly can find on the theme of this article...speaking to your hierarchy of values that is. if you destroy something in life that is not serving you...then it cannot all bad now can it?

NB: The author is a certified life coach, and has conducted presentations and teachings of this material in the past to groups, as well as in private coaching sessions.