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Work is Not Supposed to Hurt

Workplace Bullying

By Julie O'Hara - Author, Poet and Spiritual WarriorPublished 3 years ago Updated 6 months ago 12 min read
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Workplace Bullies: Are you a victim of one of these cretins?

Meghan, a marketing coordinator for a pharmaceutical distributing company in Chicago was well-liked and appreciated by her colleagues and supervisors until a new marketing manager was brought in to develop a marketing strategy. Almost immediately, Meghan's projects were eliminated or the new manager took them over and claimed credit for them. He intentionally kept her out of the loop regarding meetings and sales calls. He enjoyed making rude comments about women in front of Meghan saying things like "Women are only good for seven years and then you have to replace them." After six years of glowing reviews, Meghan was laid off six months after the new manager came on board.

Dianne, a respected paralegal in a large New York law firm, found herself dreading going to sleep at night because she knew in the morning she'd have to deal with the office manager. The office manager had a serious substance abuse problem and would fly into violent rages on a regular basis. She had been with the firm for many years, and the senior partners chose to look the other way rather than deal with her. She played pranks such as setting the clocks ten minutes ahead and then she would write the employees up for coming in late. She would shout and brag that she could get rid of anyone. In 22 months, she had fired 12 of 33 workers. Due to the stress of working for this woman, Dyanne developed high blood pressure and clinical depression and was forced to resign.

Christine accepted a position as the assistant for the Chairman of a large department at a prestigious University in San Francisco. On the outside looking in, the job appeared to be wonderful. The honeymoon didn't last long. Christine discovered the Chairman had gone through five assistants in eighteen months. When asking for clarification on instructions, he barked at her "Are you going to be stupid for the rest of your life?" She was regularly interrogated about mistakes she didn't make and was told, "I don't want to hear your excuses" when she tried to explain. She lived in terror of what she was going to be accused of next. As with two other employees before her, Christine did not pass her probation and was terminated.

The workplace is a hostile, mean place. And it's getting meaner. Bosses yell, scream, holler, browbeat and terrorize all in the name of productivity. Employees live in a state of fear of being fired due to our liberal employ at will laws. Coworkers backstab, spread malicious rumors, ostracize and avoid their coworkers. And bosses and management see this as mere personality issues.

This abuse has been called everything from desk rage to office incivility to psychological aggression.

Lawyers term it a Hostile Work Environment.

Experts in the field call it Workplace Bullying.

Employees call it Unbearable.

Who are these workplace bullies and what exactly is workplace bullying?

"Bullying has carried over into adulthood for many people, and it's severely damaging the lives of untold employees," says Greg Namie, Ph.D., a California-based consultant and managing partner of The Work Doctor. He and his wife, psychotherapist, Ruth Namie founded the Campaign Against Workplace Bullying (CAWB) to fight nonphysical workplace abuse and to provide a forum for victims.

CAWB defines bullying as "the deliberate, repeated, hurtful mistreatment of a person (the target) by a cruel perpetrator (the bully)". Workplace bullies use aggressive behavior to assert control over a target whose talents, social skills, or independence they envy and is best understood through the bully's behaviors.

CAWB came up with the following definitions for the most common types of bullies:

The Two-Headed Snake

The Two-Headed Snake aims to destroy the target's reputation by manipulating co-workers' and supervisors' impression of the person. These people are passive aggressive and indirect. They often have Jekyll and Hyde personalities, and you never quite know which one will walk through the door in the morning. They pretend to be nice to you, while sabotaging your work behind your back. They use friendliness to decrease your resistance and gain your trust. Their smile hides naked aggression. This person breaches confidentiality and uses the divide and conquer strategy to ruin people. They share private information they have received with other workers and bosses.

The Constant Critic

The Constant Critic is committed to destroying the target's confidence and self-esteem. An example of this, would be a physician in Manhattan, who stated he would accept nothing less than perfection from his assistant, and fired her stating no errors were permitted in his office. These people are extremely negative, nitpicking and perfectionistic. They find fault with everyone but themselves and will tell a lie in a heartbeat to make you look bad if it benefits them. Arrogant and mean-spirited, they truly do not think they are doing anything wrong. It's their way or the highway. Constant Critics are loved by management because they get people to produce. As bosses they have incredibly high employee turnover. They feel they can make you work harder by destroying your confidence, encouraging self-doubt and haranguing you constantly about your incompetence. They make unreasonable demands and insist on impossible deadlines and apply disproportionate pressure and expect perfectionism, and they will engage you in intense cross-examination designed to belittle and confuse.

The Gatekeeper

The Gatekeeper sets his target up to fail by controlling resources, such as time, budget, supplies, support and training. This person is a control freak, and needs to establish herself as "one up" in to order push you around or control your circumstances. One office manager in Dallas, Texas, in classic Gatekeeper behavior, refused to allow employees access to such basic supplies as writing pens. In order to get a "new" pen, you had to turn in your empty "old" pen. She would carefully, pull the ink cartridge out, look at it to see that all the ink was used up, and if it met her specifications, she would then issue you another pen. You were only permitted one pen at a time. Gatekeepers like to give targets the silent treatment, and they love to hold you in contempt and show their displeasure with you with condescending looks. They will leave you out of the communication loop by interfering with your mail, email and memo delivery. They don't return phone calls. They make up the rules, and you have to follow them.

The Screaming Mimi

The Screaming Mimi tries to publicly humiliate her target, resorting to screaming and yelling, as the supervisor Dianne in Boston had to endure. Screaming Mimi's control through fear and intimidation. You dread seeing them in the halls because of the scenes they may cause at any moment. They are emotionally out of control, impulsive and explosive. They love the look of fear on your face and instilling a sense of dread in their targets. This makes them feel powerful. They are overbearing, self-centered, and insensitive to the needs of others. They also are the most insecure of all of the bullies. They tend to worry excessively about their own incompetence and worry about being found out as imposters. They love to bark out loud that "I am your boss, follow my commands", or "the door swings both ways. If you don't like it, leave."

Workplace bullies can fall into two or more of these categories. It is not uncommon to find a Screaming Mimi who is also a Constant Critic and who is a pathological Gatekeeper. The issue is control.

Statistics Regarding Bullying

The Campaign Against Workplace Bullying recently conducted an online, intensive survey of 1,335 people, which resulted in some interesting and disturbing results regarding the severity of the problem of workplace bullying in the U.S. For example:

Men and women are equally likely to bully others. Bullying is not gender specific. Women target women in 84% of the cases. Men target women in 69% of the cases. Thus women are more apt to be the targets in this abuse.

Not surprisingly, bosses are the most common bullies checking in at 81% with the power to terminate at will.

You are four times more likely to be bullied in the workplace than to be a victim of other illegal discriminatory harassment such as sexual harassment or racial discrimination.

80% of respondents reported effects from the abuse that have prevented them from being optimal employees ranging from severe anxiety, lost concentration, sleeplessness and fear.

Many targets eventually require medical treatment as a result of their abuse with 41% of the targets reporting clinical depression, and 31% of the women and 21% of the men reporting post-traumatic stress disorders.

And, finally, 82% of targets either lose their jobs or leave them to stop the bullying. The only relief that from bullying that has proven effective is complete removal of the bully from the target's environment.

So why did this person pick me?

Bullies invariably pick their targets because their targets have something they don't, whether it is competence, a pleasing personality, popularity, or are just generally nice people. Being targeted by a bully entails the target having one or both of the following characteristics, a) a desire to cooperate and b) a non-confrontational interpersonal style. Bullies are gratified by the fear they instill in their targets. This is what they enjoy. This gives them pleasure. You did not do anything wrong to be targeted.

Personal Risks Associated With Bullying

The actual physical risks to an individual can be staggering and include reduced immunity to infection, more colds, menstrual difficulties, skin disorders, stress headaches, hair loss, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, heart palpitations, and heart attack.

As the bullying progresses, the target becomes socially withdrawn and isolated from coworkers. Often coworkers will abandon the target who was once popular and well-liked, out of fear of retaliation and becoming the next victim of the bully.

And lastly, the economic damage can be staggering. At times targets must actually leave their jobs to get away from their tormentors sometimes without having other employment lined up.

How Can You Protect Yourself From a Bully?

You must recognize the warning signs of a bully and to do that, you need to understand what motivates a bully. Bullies become bullies for different reasons, but they all share the act of hurting others. Again, the CAWB defines what motivates bullies through the following examples:

Chronic Bullies

The Chronic Bully tries to dominate people in almost all encounters whether it is at work or away from work. This person bullies waitresses, clerks, taxi drivers, everyone and anyone. No one is immune. And they attempt to excuse this inexcusable behavior by saying, "I can't help it it's just the way I am. If you don't like it then leave." The chronic bully is motivated by their own fear of confronting their deepest feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. They were not raised to analyze themselves with the goal of self-improvement. They have to attack people to feel good about themselves.

Opportunistic Bullies

The Opportunistic Bully is the bully you are most likely to encounter at work. They are masters at reading cues, and if competition is encouraged, they know that beating up other people will lead to winning. The Opportunistic Bully is different from the Chronic Bully because they can and often do step away from the competitiveness in their personal lives and can be truly charming, rational people outside of work. They justify their bullying behavior as necessary in the work world. This is the manager that no one wants to work with, but everyone enjoys socializing with.

Accidental Bullies

The Accidental Bullies are simply social fools. They are truly unaware of the effect of their actions on other people, and when pointed out to them, they are generally horrified by their own behavior. The remarkable thing about an Accidental Bully is once confronted, they retreat and apologize. They are able to learn social skills.

Substance Abusing Bullies

These are the most frightening of all bullies because they can be very dangerous especially when they are not in control of their actions. All assumptions about rationality and logic go out the window.

What Can I Do To Protect Myself?

Avoid them if at all possible.

If you are interviewing for a position, find out why the previous person left. If the job has had a high turnover, find out why. If the department has a high turnover, find out why. Invariably, when you find high turnover in a position, there is a bully in the midst. Christine, mentioned earlier, could have saved herself untold heartache if she had only found out about the high turnover rate and seen that for what it indicated there was a Constant Critic/Chronic Bully running the department!

If you can't avoid them, then try to figure out what motivates them. If you are dealing with a Chronic Bully or a Substance Abuse Bully, you will most likely have to leave the job to find relief. When dealing with a Chronic Bully or a Substance Abuse Bully, make sure you protect yourself and avoid being alone with either of them

Dealing with an Accidental Bully or an Opportunistic Bully is not pleasant either, but they are usually easier to deal with once you understand their motivations. With a little work, both an Accidental Bully and an Opportunistic Bully can be reasoned with, and can be rehabilitated once they understand the ramifications and consequences of their actions.

If the situation is so unbearable that you feel you must file a grievance, please keep in mind that filing complaints invariably leads to retaliation, and that can make your life even more difficult. Remember, Human Resources and Employee Advocates are paid by the company. What motivates them is not always what is in your personal best interest.

Keep detailed records of the abuse. Keep copies of emails and memos. You may need these if you get fired and attempt to file for unemployment.

If the stress becomes too much, don't hesitate seeing a good therapist. Workplace bullying causes mental injury, and you may need to be treated. Remember, this is not your fault. You are being attacked. You did nothing wrong. And you are not alone.

Bullying or Just Tough Management

Workplace bullying is not "tough" management, it is illegitimate behavior. It is meant to demean and individual, not enhance productivity.

Work is not supposed to hurt.

- Julie O'Hara 2023

Thank you for reading my poem or article. Please feel free to subscribe to see more content and if you are moved to, please consider tipping. In addition, my books can be found at https: Julie O'Hara Bookshop

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About the Creator

Julie O'Hara - Author, Poet and Spiritual Warrior

Thank you for reading my work. Feel free to contact me with your thoughts or if you want to chat. [email protected]

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  • Elle Vihmanabout a year ago

    New Translation <3 https://yksikhunt.com/2023/01/07/too-ei-pea-haiget-tegema/

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