Why I’m Never Asking You To Buy Me a Cup of Coffee

There’s a website you may know that encourages writers to open a free account, allowing them to put a call-to-action button at the end of their posts, on their websites, newsletters, etc. The CTO button allows their grateful readers to buy them cups of coffee. I won’t name it because you can find it yourself if you must and because I have no desire to promote the concept.

At the risk of offending someone (and I most assuredly will), I have one question for you: Are you a writer or a panhandler? Sorry, but there’s just no nice way to say it. I know this profession is filled with unavoidable indignities, but why you’d sign up for this one is beyond me.

During the Great Depression, a popular saying in reference to the homeless begging on the streets was, “Brother, can you spare a dime?” Hit-makers Yip Harburg and Jay Gorney wrote a song about it.

What could you buy with a dime in the 1930s? I happen to know since my mother lived through them, earning 25 cents an hour as a secretary, and she told me. A dime got you a cup of coffee. One hour's work paid for her lunch. A dime for coffee, 15 cents for a cream cheese sandwich.

So, maybe it’s just me because of my backstory, but when somebody asks me to buy them a cup of coffee, I perceive them to be asking for a hand-out. It gives me the impression of desperation, which doesn’t look good on anybody. It sure won't get you a date on Saturday night.

You might argue that the writers who accompany their work with this particular CTO are not asking for charity because they have provided a service in the form of a story. That point has some merit, but when you consider that many readers have already purchased a subscription to access your story, asking for coffee on top of that seems a bit like a double-dip. It's not very polite, and maybe even a little gross.

The other problem I have with this concept is the assumption that we all drink coffee. Newsflash! We don’t, but that’s entirely beside the point. Yes, of course, I could use my $3.00 “tip” for whatever I wished. I just had to speak up on behalf of my fellow coffee eschewers. I haven’t seen the restaurant yet that offers a bottomless cup of anything but coffee. We’re already an underclass. Please don’t make us feel any more excluded than we already do.

In the interest of full disclosure, I had one of these accounts for a very short time. I may even have put a CTO on a story or two (if you find one, let me know so I can get rid of it). Within 24 hours, I regretted the decision. I’ve since deleted my account.

I’m a professional writer, and professional writers, in my opinion, should have the self-respect to avoid such high jinks. I won’t be setting up any GoFundMe pages either. Just because we’ve chosen to engage in a profession that, more often than not, doesn’t pay well doesn’t mean we should solicit the world at large to subsidize our decision.

Restaurant servers work their asses off for their tips. What makes you think you deserve one for sitting on yours in your pajamas?

Disclaimer: This rant isn’t aimed at anyone in particular, and I’m sorry to say some of my favorite writers are doing the very thing of which I speak. I will try to love them anyway, even though I think what they’re doing makes us all look bad. That’s my two cents, take it or leave it.