What is it to be a Black Woman in the Corporate World?

I am a young, Black millennial woman living in 2021. With this, I am afforded many liberties in my life that my ancestors were not, and for that I am grateful. For one, I am dating a man, a white man at that, who also happens to work in the military not one, but two seas away from me in the Middle East (sheesh, right? I know... it's not easy for me either). He is truly amazing, and it astounds me everyday to understand that many years ago, when my own grandmother was a young girl, that a relationship such as ours was heavily looked down upon if not downright forbidden. My grandmother was the matriarch of my family, and was raped and beaten by white men as a young woman and child. On her trips to the river in her youth, men stood waiting to assault her, and there was nothing she nor anyone else could do to stop it. Today, I am allowed to walk hand-in-hand down the street (when he's not away from me for work, of course) with the man that I love without the attempt of greater forces to minimize or destroy our love. It's these little things that I am most grateful for. Still, I can candidly say that being a Black woman in 2021 is not all it's cracked up to be. Especially, when it comes to my pursuit of a career in the corporate world.

I work for one of those trendy coffee chains that spout progressive ideals, and staffs their stores with cool, trendy teens who are just itching to fight “the man”. When I began this job at Philz Coffee I loved it. The allure of no dress codes and the notion that I could be myself at work was a deal I could not refuse. I worked as a barista for six months before being promoted to a shift lead. Over the next couple years in this position, I was able to gain skills of leadership, teamwork, composure, organization, and problem solving. It was not so bad in the beginning, or even so much so in the middle, but after graduating from college I did begin to want more—more in the sphere of responsibility, but also simply an opportunity to move up into the corporate offices that managed our lives at the store level. I loved where I worked, and I wanted to see the company succeed, so what else would I do besides get to working on my goals? Both in-store and electronically, through emails, I worked tirelessly. Believe it or not, jobs at coffee shops are hard work. Everyday baristas are patronized or diminished by some pretty harsh customer interactions. I, myself, encountered a racist woman on shift one day who hid from me, refused to pay me at the register, and then proceeded to deliver racial slurs when all I needed to do was collect her payment for a small coffee. All this aside, I still wanted to make a positive impression with Philz, so I dealt with her respectfully, and waited to cry about it until I could take my ten-minute break afterwards. Following this altercation, I still sent out my emails to the corporate office representatives that I knew of in order to gain resources on how I could attain promotion.

My pursuit began and, ironically, ended with recruiting. I reached out to the head recruiter of our company at the time—he was also the one who originally interviewed me for that first barista position—to gain further insight on how I could progress in the company. In 2018, he was one of the few people of color in a position of power that I knew of, and had ready access to from within the organization. Plus, he was cool as hell and I really admired his tenacity, and the work ethic that he demonstrated regardless of outside circumstances or influence. To me, this guy was on point! I was yet to graduate from college at the time, so any positions in the corporate office were considered unattainable until I finished schooling, but he was a great person to gain as an ally, and I jumped at the opportunity to gain his mentorship. Around the end of 2019 leading into 2020, the company began to provide opportunities for Recruiting Specialists roles (a.k.a. Jr. Recruiters), so that internal candidates would have the chance to be trained from the ground up in order to become full-blown recruiters. I applied to the position immediately. Word had been circulating among stores that the company refused to internally promote for corporate office positions, and consistently looked externally in order to fill the roles needed. A worthy rebuttal indeed, these positions proved that the corporate office wanted to give internal candidates further opportunities. These entry-level positions enabled the corporate office to quiet the concerns of the lack of internal promotion while simultaneously minimizing the potential financial setbacks attained from hiring then losing a third external recruitment team hire. Eh, I don't blame them. My mom always told me to C.Y.A... cover yo ass, and the company was doing just that, which is a worthy plan of action. When learning of this I understood the why, but was perplexed on the execution. It seemed odd that internal candidates had become the focus at the same time the positions’ power and influence would be limited. This didn't deter me, but did make me question slightly the integrity of the business I wanted to move forward with. Still, I continued on and, with recommendation from my store leader, was permitted to begin the interview process.

This is where it starts to get fun... Come January, I participated in two to three video interviews, which were brutal, but manageable and I was asked to fly out to San Francisco where our corporate office was located. I had never been to San Francisco before, and walking into the shiny, window-paned building of our corporate office gave me shivers of nerves and excitement. I had prepared extensively, and brought folders of documents to assist me in showcasing my talent. The Chief People Officer greeted me warmly once I arrived. We grabbed coffees like old chums before heading to the boardroom where I had conversations with the entire recruitment team. We took a tour of the office before I sat down to chat with the San Francisco regional recruiter, and then the CPO herself. To my knowledge, everything went without a hitch. I answered each question they had of me with passion and confidence, and didn't even feel the tingle of discomfort that I, as a Black person, typically get when I'm the only Black one in a sea of white faces. I left the afternoon of interviews feeling confident and excited for the possibilities. I thanked each person I met with over email in order to show my gratitude for the experience, and after a day or two in the city I flew home to San Diego to await the final decision process. Upon my return home, I received emails thanking me for my time and due diligence in communication. I was to await news further for a decision made on the position, as there were other internal candidates, one of which lived in the San Francisco area and would not have to relocate in order to begin the position. I was nervous, but confident enough in my demeanor and performance that this would not be my ending factor. That is, until I received an email from my recruiter-mentor inquiring on behalf of the CPO.

The concern was of my commitment to move given the salary expectations. I do not desire to share exactly what the number is that we verbally discussed; however, I will say it was not a salary that would afford one to live with less than two to three roommates in the bustling (and not to mention pricey $$) city of San Francisco. In discussing the opportunity with my family, it seemed hard to turn down an opportunity that would give me corporate experience, but navigating the possible transition to downgrade from my post-collegiate singular roommate to potentially multiple scared me significantly. Regardless, I was passionate about the company and wanted to put my best foot forward, so I agreed that moving was not a concern of mine, but I was interested in negotiating the starting salary given that no moving expenses, or assistance to relocate to San Francisco would be afforded. I waited for a response on whether my request would be considered. I tried to maintain a positive outlook, but the idea of being worse off living-wise in a new city with a job that was supposed to uplift my financial circumstances, but wouldn't, was daunting. I was told I was aggressive in pursuing a higher salary, and the wait for contact from my mentor took a couple days to get back to me leaving me in a bundle of nerves. He informed me of the limits of the salary offer they were willing to give. I tried my best to politely inquire whether there was any more room to flex it, but to no avail it stood.

By this time, it was almost the middle of March. There had been whispers about Coronavirus, but no legitimate action taken towards shutdown or quarantine yet. There was only an underlying sense of discomfort permeating around at work and everyday life in general. I took a couple days to decide whether the salary they were offering would be substantial enough to support the lifestyle I wanted to live, and decided that my devotion to the company would help pull me through. I called my mentor. I wanted the role so bad I was willing to survive on beans and rice for the next six months to make it happen… if that's what it took. It was March 15th, 2020 when I spoke to my mentor again and he shared with me that they had decided to start the first phase of hires with the other candidate; however, when the next position became available (now that I had already agreed to the salary) the position would be mine. I was both excited and crushed because a) I had technically gotten the position and b) they had still chosen someone else over me due to “distance concerns”. I went into my regularly scheduled shift that day, and that's when the bomb dropped: we were shutting down due to the Coronavirus pandemic. Now, here I stood wondering whether the position would still be available, and if I could sign a contract confirming it for me, but obviously... it didn't happen. I continued in the next few months at my continued role of Team Lead with no news on whether I would ever receive a promotion. It was terrible, and frustrating, and all the things that one expects to come about when working during a worldwide pandemic. Customers were angry and as collective, the world, was heartbroken. Heartbroken at the loss of loved ones due to the pandemic, the loss of our freedom to engage in everyday life, the loss of justice that was supposed to exist within our governmental systems. It was a painful and triggering time for us all.

Shortly following, George Floyd was murdered on display for everyone to see and there was nothing to distract us from the horror as we were all confined to our homes indefinitely. Everyone flooded the channels of social media to express their upset, and when that did nothing, took out to the streets where riots ensued for all to see. The beginning, middle, and end of these riots started with Black people, but what made the impact were all the white faces who held our hands in the streets, too. From an event of racial activism such as this businesses and corporations everywhere began to speak out and speak up for Black lives. For the first time in history it seemed Black people had the support from the white infrastructure of power. My own company held listening sessions for their Black employees, so they could hear with their own ears the legitimate concerns of the Black individuals their livelihoods were supported by. I, as one of three Black individuals working in the company in the San Diego area, was asked to speak on one of those listening sessions. I decided to bare my soul on what it is to be Black in society, and in business, but I also wanted the call to be one of productivity. I wanted those listening sessions to enact real change for myself and the other Black and Brown people who would follow behind me in the years to come. To put in succinctly, I was rallying the troops. That CPO I mentioned prior? Yeah, she was now in my inbox asking for my personal opinion on what needed to be done to ameliorate racism in our company. It was left and right that, suddenly, my voice mattered. I was both shocked and flattered, but the allure quickly rubbed off once all those inquiries of me, of the power of my voice, of the strength of my words, were swiftly taken and used to further uplift the company as diverse and anti-racist. Thus, once my opinion and knowledge had been mined I was cast off as inconsequential to further work, and expected to sulk back silently into my assigned role. The saddest part of this is: I did just that. I curled my bushy tail back in close, and took their decision, that I was not important, and internalized it. I got back into the swing of my job. I waited as they used my words and ideas in messages across the company. I just rolled over, and at that point might as well have died. I did not matter unless I was adding to uplifting them, and even when I did that, was not graced with the opportunity (despite my endless willingness to contribute) to truly work on diversity the way in which I wanted to.

For a while there, I gave up. I gave up believing that this company I had committed, at the time three plus years to, was ever going to reward the value that my voice, experience, and contribution made. I began to look into other avenues. I started to reinvest into myself and become the person that I wanted to be outside of what I thought Philz saw. I became a nanny, I began writing again, I slowly started to separate myself from the fucked system that sought to force my conformity or I would never succeed. That is, until another Jr. Recruiter position reemerged. I was encouraged to apply by many who knew of my past efforts at the position. I knew the probability of the job being handed to me, even despite all the work I had done in the past, was unlikely. So, I buckled up and prepared for the journey once again, but this time, with a new and bright confidence within myself that I was worthy and capable. The interview process began again with a recruiter I had spoken to last. She had stepped into the role as head-recruiter after my mentor had resigned due to the numerous furloughs applied during the pandemic. She was nice, and conversational, but I knew I was still fighting to be seen as palatably Black. You know, the type of Black person that others don’t have to cross the street to avoid, the “nice” Black person, the “approachable” Black person, the “I will do whatever you white-ies want me to do” type of Black person. It sucked. I felt sick having to perform for her again after the past year that we had endured, and as if we hadn’t had the same discussion just months ago. Still, I rolled up my sleeves and did it because it was what my peers thought I should do, what my family thought I must do in order to make my way into corporate America.

It makes me emotional now even thinking about the fact that I’ve sacrificed my own wants, desires, and needs in order to be considered “enough” in the eyes of my white counterparts, even to be seen as enough in the eyes of my own father. I love my dad, I’ve always been a Daddy’s girl, but I considered never talking to him again after I shared with him my desire to no longer conform, and he told me I was difficult, stubborn, and won’t be successful if I continue to approach my opportunities as wholly myself (nose ring and all, he HATES my nose ring). Still, after surviving an interview (for the second time) with the first recruiter, I was scheduled for another with the Chief People Officer. I prepared as much as I could. I got advice from my peers on the best method of action. I even hopped on the interview with little to no nervousness. We chatted as if the last year didn’t happen, as if my words weren’t used, as if my actions hadn’t helped Philz make the impact that they so desired, and then, before the interview could end she made sure to ask me to participate in Black History Month. She asked in such a way that I felt I couldn’t refuse, that is, unless I wanted to forfeit my opportunity to acquire this recruiting position. So, I agreed. I began working with another Black woman in the higher divisions of Philz. She was already inundated with work for her own job requirements that including me in this process could only be left as an afterthought. Thus, I was cc’d into the emails, had a few quick chats on the phone, then otherwise was left to my own devices to once again rally the troops to participate in another “Black thing”. As I mentioned earlier, there are three, only three, people in the San Diego area that are Black. Where in the hell was I supposed to rally all this support for a Black cause? You guessed it… nowhere. It was up to me solely, to develop material and submissions of Black businesses for the Southern California sector of Philz Coffee.

At the same time all of this was happening, we must not forget that I was still in the interview process trying to become a recruiter. I was getting inquiries from my store leads, my area leader, all asking me why did I want to be a recruiter? Why didn’t I want to begin as a store lead? Why, why, why? These questions all came from the CPO who didn’t ask these questions of me, but sought my superiors to get the real ‘haps of what was going on. I got sick of it; the lack of transparency, the inability to comprehend my desire and pursuit to do more, the continual misunderstanding of my pursuit no matter how much I clarified, so I decided to address it once, and for all. I compiled an email to the CPO, the first recruiter, my area lead, my store leads, and I told them all the updates on the lack of interest or involvement from all in regards to getting Black History Month moving. I shared my passion for diversity, and the impact I seek to make with it through recruiting, but emphasized that recruiting is not my ceiling and I never want to stop there. I shared how the diversity efforts that began after George Floyd had already fallen to the back-burner, that little to no progress had been made to increase diversity in our stores and company, and that I sought it out as a huge opportunity to set my sights on as a focus if they chose me to begin this work. I laid it all out on the table for them. No, I couldn’t say that I’ve always dreamed of becoming a recruiter, but I could say that I could and would be successful in making this my impact on Philz.

They didn’t like my email.

The CPO responded that my passion was not in the right place. She told me that in order to succeed in this position that my passion needed to lie in recruiting solely, and that since that’s not where it lies then, did I want to cancel my interview? I was in shock. I know white companies do not care about diversity like they say they do, but after the show they put on for the Black Lives Matter movement I didn’t expect a complete dismissal. My father told me I took myself out of the running. Basically, that I should’ve been a good little Black girl and lied to their faces to get in the door, because only then I could make the impact I so desire. The only way for a Black person to make an impact on society is secretly, stealthily so that they won’t even realize that changes had been made that are irreversible unless they want to cause lawsuits.

Am I wrong to not want to be that way?

My father’s comment made me upset because I am tired. Tired of being the “nice” Black girl in order to receive opportunities. I’m tired of Black people being the only ones to care about what happens to Black people. I’m tired of having to bend, contort, and stuff down every part of me that makes me me in order to have any shot at the “American Dream.” I’m just tired. My father said this loss was a lesson: next time, I hide who I really am in order to get the job. He’s right to say it’s a lesson, but not for the reasons he thinks. He’s right because I have learned. I’ve learned that I don’t want to force a fit in a place that doesn’t see the value of all I’m capable of. Sure, I don’t get this job with this company, but I know moving forward exactly who I am, and never again will I let anyone water me down in order to get the image of who they want me to be rather than a true reflection. We have got to stop allowing these companies to exist in this manner. We have got to start making them uncomfortable with white supremacy, and lose this comfort of complacency that Black people and other people of color have submitted to for far too long. Who are they to say that we can’t contribute value? Who are they to say that we don’t have the right “vision” for what success looks like? I am a Black woman in 2021, educated, well-spoken, hardworking, and tolerant of other perspectives, yet I still get this. I’ll be damned if my children are told that they’re not worthy of all the success in the world because they don’t fit in the curated white box of colored conformity.

Black individuals across the world are the trailblazers of their fields, and how did they get there? Through trial and error, and white person after white person telling them that they aren’t it. Here I am, standing to say that we are it and more. I, and my fellow Black brothers and sisters, have it all and then some. We will continue to persevere no matter the opinion of the greater white society. Our only duty now is to no longer shrivel and roll over to their demands, but stand tall and assured in our power and capabilities. I am a Black woman in 2021, and it is not easy trying to forge a way for myself, but I will one day, and when I do I’ll look back on all those who doubted, and smile. Thank you for the journey, you are getting me to where I’ve always needed to be: confident and comfortable from within.