The Tale of the Nightmare Client: A Scary Story

Since we’re spending so much time together, I should probably tell you that I’m a huge fan of anything spooky, creepy, or scary. I could easily spend hours every day devouring stories and movies about things going bump in the night.

So, this time of year - I am feeling myself like none other.

In that vein, I thought I might start this episode off with a scary story.

Settle in close & be careful not to jump or spill your coffee!

It was a dark & stormy night.

I sat, curled up with a blanket in the corner of the couch.

Cradling my laptop for dear life.

The crackle of flames devouring dry wood in the fireplace.

The wind whipping against the windows, threatening to burst through the walls like that creepy-ass kool-aid man.

Lightning surged through the power lines outside, exploding with a POP - and leaving me alone in the dark.

The dim glow from my monitor and the glaring red of the flames cast a spooktacular mood on the room.

My hands poised, frozen, hovering over the keyboard.

Unable to move.

My eyes, unblinking, tearing from the stress and panic.

I knew the end was near.

I couldn’t hold on much longer.

I could feel it surging through my veins.

The nothingness.

The void.

The lack of strength to go on...

Displayed across my monitor was the latest in a string of emails from a dreaded, nightmare client.

It was the 7th in only 2 hours, and each was more demanding, argumentative, entitled, and vicious than the last.

I could feel their words, their energy, their spite, sucking my soul dry.

With my last fleeting conscious thought, I made note of my feline companion perched just out of reach, waiting patiently for the quickly approaching moment when she might begin to feast on my corpse.

Now, a small caveat - while this story was obviously horrifying & super realistic & believable - it’s also a work of fiction - well, all but the part about my cat waiting to eat my corpse - that’s pretty much part of our daily routine.

I’ve been blessed beyond measure to have NOT experienced any nightmare clients thus far in my self-employed journey. That being said, I understand that it’s a part of the package, of being my own boss and a small-business owner.

And, while not every scary story has a moral, this one definitely does!

There is no need to suffer through your own professional horror story.

Nightmare clients will happen to all of us - it’s a part of being the boss.

But, you don’t have to let them suck your soul, drain your dreams, poison your passion, or leave your corpse as kitty kibble.

Now, as I mentioned before, I’ve personally been SUPER lucky to not have had to deal with any nightmare clients in my own business as of yet.

However, in a past life, one of my primary professional responsibilities was to field those over escalated screaming calls from folks demanding something for nothing, a full refund for their own stupidity, or a discount on services just for being alive.

We’re talking 10-hour shifts filled with nightmare clients, dead-set on breaking the spirit, confidence, and will-power of anyone that crossed their path.

I mean - these were folks that bragged about their goal of bringing another person to tears.

REAL class-acts.

Talk about the stuff of nightmares.

So trust me when I say, I’m a pro at dealing with the nasties - and my goal is to help share some of the ways I’ve been able to sidestep & avoid succumbing to nightmare clients, in hopes that you’ll be able to do the same!

First & foremost, it’s important to remember that what’s scary to some is exciting to others.

So you never want to make assumptions about a prospective client or their character, based on someone else’s possibly jaded opinion.

Take clowns for instance.

While I personally find them creepy as fuck - and NOT in a good way - some people actually enjoy them and find them amusing.

Now I’m not saying those people are normal by any means, I’m just saying they exist.

Alright, maybe clowns weren’t the best example - but you get the idea.

One of the quickest ways to avoid nightmare clients is to better understand and recognize who it is you LOVE working with, and at the same time, who is it that you’d really rather not.

Now if you haven't caught the first few episodes, I recommend you go back & listen to those first, because this plays on the list of non-negotiable values we covered a few weeks ago.

I’ll be here when you get back.

For those of you still with me, let’s do this!

Depending on your specific business, your industry, and your ideal client, as well as your personal non-negotiable values, you should be able to create a pretty solid list of the kind of people you’re dying to work with.

If you have specific examples - big names or celebrities that fit your ideal client - add them too - there’s no dream too big - and who knows, maybe Oprah is in the market for a new business coach.

For me, I started my list with the attributes my ideal clients have.

They’re creative.

Passionate.

Driven to succeed.

Open-minded.

They’re female coaches and services providers, professionals in their area of focus, ready to heed the recommendations of a professional & get out of their comfort zone.

They value my expertise, knowledge, and skills.

Ready for success and eager to manifest their big impossible dreams.

They’re making a positive impact on the world, and doing it while being unapologetically authentic to themselves.

They aren’t afraid to make waves, or mistakes, and eager to push the boundaries of what’s been done in the past.

They have a sense of humor and are ready to make the necessary changes and investments to grow their business.

Remember - these aren’t hard & fast rules, but guidelines - and as the boss, you get to decide when to toe or jump over those lines.

No rule has to be set in stone, unless you decide it is.

For example, one of the things I listed as a characteristic my dream client possesses, is that they’re a savage female entrepreneur.

No, I’m not being sexist, or discriminatory - I’m simply stating that when I visualize who I work the best with, who I best communicate with, and who I see myself being best able to serve, I see those as being primarily strong independent women like myself.

That being said, I happen to have a handful of phenomenal MALE clients that I absolutely adore working with, and look forward to working with for as long as they need me!

Once you have a list of the characteristics that describe your ideal client, as well as a few specific examples of who those people are, I recommend getting out another sheet of paper and making an opposing list of the characteristics you DON’T want to work with.

Again, using my own list as an example, the accompanying list of attributes I want to avoid includes things like being close-minded, overly-analytical, complacent, individuals that are looking to make money through deceit or are willing to harm others (through words or actions) in order to advance their own business or brand.

Now, as you already know if you’ve listened to other episodes, I’m a recent convert to the power of mindset, so you want to be sure that you aren’t focusing on this list of icky traits you want to avoid.

But, having them written down, and being aware of them, will help you to better understand what your personal non-negotiables are, and in turn, make it easier for you to recognize them and opt-out of professional relationships with those who exhibit them.

You may be wondering, “Megs, what if my non-negotiables are things that can’t be “seen” over a Zoom chat or phone call? How can I spot a nightmare client before it’s too late?”

Well, I’m glad you asked!

And really, that’s the key - asking!

One of the biggest reasons I believe I’ve been so amazingly blessed with the clients I have, is that before we begin work on anything, we sit down for either a phone call or a Zoom chat to get to know each other better.

This is a chance for my prospective client & I to interview each other, making sure that we click & will be able to successfully partner together to achieve a common goal.

Some of the things I like to ask during this conversation are:

Tell me more about yourself & your business/brand.

Who is your ideal client/audience?

What are your specific goals for our partnership?

What are you looking for in a copywriter/ghostwriter?

Is there another company/brand that you look to for inspiration?

I know I’m not saying anything mind-blowing or crazy here.

I’m not claiming to have uncovered a new secret or recreating the wheel. But, because some of these are such seemingly obvious questions, they’re often overlooked and unasked.

With just these few easy, unintrusive questions and the conversation they stir up, I’m able to determine confidently within only 30-45 minutes whether I’m the right fit for them, as well as if I’ll be the best copywriter or ghostwriter for their needs.

The next step is an important one - and sadly - one that’s skipped by many new business owners.

Driven by the hunger to succeed and sign new clients, lots of new entrepreneurs will say yes to every client that comes along. Whether it’s a good fit or not.

I personally believe in trusting my gut and only pursuing professional relationships with those businesses and individuals that I genuinely feel a connection with, and know that I can confidently provide them with the services they’re wanting and needing. And, if I’m ever unsure, I go back to that list of attributes that my ideal clients possess as well as the “other list.”

By accepting every offer you receive, and working with every client who crosses your path, you’ll quickly find yourself either working on projects you dislike, undervaluing yourself, and losing sleep, worrying about all of the nightmare clients waiting to drain your passion and lifeforce.

Now, if you’re hearing this after the fact and you’ve already found yourself in the midst of a project with a vampire-esque client, don’t crawl under the bed quite yet - there are still a handful of ways you can handle the situation, to make it as painless as possible for both parties, as well as hopefully still producing a successful outcome at which point ties can be cut and paths can split.

Stay professional, not emotional. This may seem obvious, but many small-business owners take concerns about their business very personally, which can turn a professional conversation into an overly emotional one very quickly. Make sure to stay away from any name-calling, digs, or bad-mouthing about your client, their business, or short-comings.

Be prepared. As with any serious conversation, it’s always a good idea to take some time to gain clarity around why you believe the relationship needs to end. Are you finding yourself having to negotiate or compromise your goals, values, standards, or ethics? Is the communication between the client and yourself not clear or consistent? Are you finding yourself working much harder and longer on projects than originally estimated and falling short of client expectations? Having a solid understanding of why you’ve made the decision to end the professional relationship will help you to remain strong throughout the conversation with your client and less likely to waiver if they attempt to sway you to continue working together.

Give sufficient notice. While it can sometimes be tempting to cut ties and run for the nearest exit, that’s also one of the quickest ways to burn bridges and develop a pretty nasty reputation online. Make sure that you discuss what the proposed exit strategy can look like with your client, allowing them reasonable time to replace you with a new partner/provider.

Be honest, but not brutal. It serves no one if you’re dishonest about the reason for parting ways, but also does no good to resort to insults or low-blows. Explain why you’ve decided the business relationship should come to an end, but do so as constructively as possible.

Provide a referral. When possible, it’s a great idea to provide your client with recommendations of another professional expert that may be a better fit for their business needs. Remember that no one is going to be a perfect fit for everyone. This goes a long way in showing the client that you wish them all the best in their future success, and want to do your part to ensure they’re partnered with the right people to make that happen.

Again, the moral of this story is that there is no need to suffer through your own professional horror story.

You will live to see another day.

And who knows, you may wind up winning over your nightmare client & converting them from a gore-filled horror to a family-friendly classic.