The Fiance and Dad

"I heard that you are going to get married!" An acquaintance at the dacha ball asked Peter Petrovich Mirkin, "When will the teenage farewell party be held?"

"How do you know I'm getting married?" Mirkin got angry at that, "Which bastard told you that?"

"Everyone said so, not to mention all the signs can be seen ...... don't keep it a secret, man ...... you think we know nothing, but in fact we see you through, we know everything! ...... hehehehehehe ...... by all indications ...... you spend your days at Kondrashkin's, where you eat lunch, eat dinner and sing lyrical songs ...... You walk with Nastyanka Kondrashkina alone, send flowers to her alone, drag her into ...... We all saw it, sir! I met Kondrashkina himself the other day, and he himself said that everything is settled for you, just wait for the move from the villa back to the city, and immediately the wedding ...... How is it? May God bless! I am happy for you, and even happier for Kondrashkin. ...... You know that the poor man has seven daughters! Seven of them! Is this a joke? It would be nice to get one out sometime ......"

"To hell with ......," thought Mirkin, "he is the tenth person who has mentioned this marriage to me. On what basis do they come to this conclusion, to hell with them! Just because I eat at Kondrashkin's house every day and walk with Nastyanka ...... no - okay, it's time to stop this rumor, it's time, maybe these damned people can really arrange the marriage ...... tomorrow I'll go to this stupid Kondrashkin and tell him not to I'm going to tell him not to be delusional, and I'm going to get out of here before it's too late!"

The day after the above conversation, Mirkin came to the study in the villa of the seventh-ranking civil official Kondrashkin, feeling embarrassed and a bit scared.

"Welcome, Peter Petrovich!" The master greeted him and said, "How are the days going, are they OK? Bored out of your mind, aren't you, my dear? Hey, hey, hey ...... Nastyanka will be here soon ...... she went to Gushev's house and will be back in a while ......"

"I, to be honest, came not to Nastasya Kirillovna," stammered Mirkin, rubbing his eyes in embarrassment, "but to you ...... I need to talk to you about something ...... oops, something fell into my eyes ......"

"So what is this you intend to talk about?" Kondrashkin squeezed his eyes, "Hey hey hey ...... why are you so coy, dear? Ahem, manly, manly! I can't help you youngsters! I know what you want to say! Hey hey hey ...... should have been ......"

"To be honest, for some reason ...... things, you see, I ...... came to say goodbye to you ...... tomorrow I'm leaving ......"

"You're leaving, what does that mean?" Kondrashkin asked, staring.

"It's simple ...... I'm leaving here, that's all ...... Allow me to thank your whole family for your hospitality ...... Each of your daughters is very lovely ...... I will never forget this time in my life ......"

"I'm sorry, sir ......" Kondrashkin's face turned red, "I don't quite understand what you mean ...... Of course, everyone has the right to leave here ...... and you can do what you want to do, but, sir, you ...... want to slip ...... you are not honest, sir!"

"I ...... I ...... don't understand, how do I want to slip?"

"All summer you come here every day, and eat and drink, and make people hope for you, and you talk nonsense to the girls from morning to night, but suddenly come to say: 'I am leaving!"

"I ...... I never let anyone hope for anything ......"

"Of course, you did not propose, but what is the intention of your words and actions, is not it clear? Every day to come to dinner, every night with Nastya ② hand in hand ...... Is it all without intention? Only fiancées eat at other people's houses every day. If you are not a fiancé, can I feed you? Yes, you are not honest! I don't even want to listen to you! You have to propose, or I'll ...... that. ......"

"Nastasya Kirillovna is lovely ...... a good girl ...... I respect her and ...... I don't think I could find a better wife, but ...... our beliefs and opinions don't match."

"That's all there is to it." Kondrashkin's eyebrows opened and smiled, "Really? Alas, my dear, how can one find a wife who has exactly the same views as her husband? Ahem, young man, young man! Childish, childish! As soon as we talk about what views, really, hehehehehe ...... will be thrilled beyond belief ...... Now you disagree, it does not matter, as long as the little two live a period of time, all these lumps and bumps will be smoothed out... The new road is still not easy to walk miles, and so on the coming and going of the vehicle pressure for a while, it will not mention how flat!"

"You're right, but ...... I'm not good enough for Nastasya Kirillovna ......"

"Good match, good match! It's not worth it! You are a good young man!"

"You don't understand all my shortcomings ...... I'm poor ......"

"It doesn't matter! You get paid month after month, thank goodness ......"

"I ...... am an alcoholic ......"

"No, no, no! I haven't seen you drunk once!" Kondrashkin waved his hands straight, "Young people can't help but drink ...... I was young too, and I drank too much. It is inevitable ......"

"But I'm an alcoholic. I have this problem is hereditary."

"I don't believe it! A young man who looks like a flower, suddenly - alcoholism! I don't believe it!"

"The old man, you can't fool him!" Mirkin thought to himself, "But he's so determined to push his daughter out!" He then exclaimed, "In addition to alcoholism, I have some other problems. I take bribes ......"

"Good boy, is there anyone who doesn't take bribes? Hey, hey, hey. Look what a fuss he's making!"

"Besides, I have no right to marry until I learn the verdict against me ...... There is one thing I have kept from you, and now you should know the whole truth ...... I... ...I am in a lawsuit for embezzlement of public money ......"

"Suing the law-suit?" Kondrashkin was stunned, "Really! That's news ...... I didn't know that was a thing. Indeed, you can't marry until the verdict ...... So is the sum you stole large?"

"One hundred and forty-four thousand."

"Really, that's a lot of money! Yes, it does have a bit of a Siberian flavor to it ...... In that case, my girl will have to cut her future off for nothing. In that case, there is nothing more to say, God bless you ......"

Mirkin breathed a sigh of relief and reached for his hat.

"But well," Kondrashkin continued after a moment's consideration, "if Nastyanka truly loves you, then she can go there with you. If she is afraid of sacrifice, what kind of love is there? Besides, Tomsk is a rich province. Life in Siberia, my brother, is better than here. If I hadn't dragged my family with me, I would have gone there. You can propose!"

"The old man is stubborn!" Mirkin thought to himself, "He'll marry his daughter to the devil if he can get away with it." He exclaimed again, "But I haven't finished ...... my case not only because I embezzled public money, I also falsified evidence."

"Anyway, one and the same! Only one conviction!"

"Yuck!"

"Why are you spitting so loudly?"

"Nothing ...... you listen to me, I have not yet to you all but white ...... do not force me to tell the privacy ...... terrible privacy of my life! "

"I don't want to know all that privacy of yours! It's trivial, it's not worth mentioning!"

"Not trivial, Kirill Trofimecki! If you had heard ...... about what I am, you would have cut me off ...... I ...... I am a fugitive from hard labor!!!"

Kondrashkin jumped away from Mirkin's heels as if he had been stung by a wasp, simply stunned. For a full minute he stood open-mouthed and motionless, looking at Mirkin with eyes covered with terror, and then he fell back into the circle chair, groaning uncontrollably.

"I didn't expect ...... it," he muttered, "who did I warm with my chest! Go! For God's sake, you go away! Don't let me see you again! Alas!"

Mirkin picked up his hat and walked triumphantly toward the door ......

"Wait!" Kondrashkin called to him, "How is it that you have not been caught until now?"

"Now that I've changed my name ...... it's not easy to catch me ......"

"You may live your whole life like this and nobody will find out who you are until you die ...... Wait a minute! You know you're an honest man now, you repented long ago ...... God bless you, that's it, you get married!"

Mirkin was in a cold sweat ...... he could not make up a more frightening story than that of a fugitive hard labourer, and there was only one way before him: to say nothing of the reason and shamefully escape ...... he was about to seize the door, when another thought flashed through his mind ......

"Please listen to me, you do not understand the whole situation," he said, "I ...... I am crazy, and people who have lost their minds and crazy people are forbidden to marry... ..."

"I don't believe that! A madman cannot talk so methodically ......"

"You say that because you don't understand! Don't you know that many lunatics only go crazy when they are sick, and the rest of the time they are no different from normal people?"

"I don't believe it! Stop it!"

"In that case, I'll get you a doctor's certificate!"

"I believe in the certificate, but you don't have ...... a good madman!"

"I'll bring you the certificate in half an hour ...... see you later!"

Mirkin grabbed his hat and hurried out. Five minutes later he had walked into the house of his friend Dr. Fetyuev, but unluckily for him, he was just in time to see the doctor fixing his hair, because he had just had a fight with his wife.

"My friend, I have something to ask you!" He said to the doctor, "Here's the thing ...... someone had to get me married, and to get out of this disaster, I came up with the idea of pretending to be crazy ...... in a sense, it's the Hamlet way ...... You know, crazy people are forbidden to get married ...... For the sake of my friends, give me a certificate of insanity!"

"You don't want to get married?" The doctor asked.

"Absolutely not!"

"In that case, then I can not give you a certificate," the doctor said while smoothing his hair, one side, "people who do not want to get married is by no means crazy, on the contrary, but the smartest people ...... When you want to get married. You come, I will definitely give you a certificate ...... only then it will show that you are indeed crazy ......"

July 31, 1985