Schools Aren't Safe

Facts:

• More than half of the students affected by bullying believed their bullies had the ability to influence what other students thought of them.
• Students being bullied generally suffered lower scores in their classes.
• As students get older, they are less likely to report bullying.
• 1 in 5 students are bullied during the school year. That is 20%. In America alone, there are 76.8 million students enrolled in school in a given year. That is 15.36 million students being bullied in one school year.

Those are just a few facts, and are from 2019 before COVID-19 took the world over. During the lockdowns and schooling from home, those numbers likely changed to a degree. Cyberbullying was much lower than the rest of the reported instances but, as everyone heads back to school, that isn’t going to last.

I know bullying is never going to be completely eradicated. It will most likely never go away entirely. But for the students being bullied, they need a whole lot more help than they’re getting, especially in the cases where it’s constant.

There are students that are legitimately afraid to go to school because of what might happen to them there. They’ll skip classes, beg to stay home, beg to be homeschooled, anything to keep them away from that living Hell they call a school. Why?

No matter who they talk to or what they do, there is never a result. In fact, sometimes those attempts make the bullying get worse. There are so many times that a victim will finally stand up for themselves, and they will end up being the one to get in trouble with a suspension. They’ve tried talking to the adults, they’ve tried all the suggested bullshit of, “ignore the bully” or “ask them politely to stop,” or to try being funny or complimenting(?) the bully(??) to throw them off, but when none of that works, and the victim that puts up with weeks, months, YEARS of bullying, finally snaps and throws a punch the bully’s way after none of the suggestions worked? They wind up with the suspension, and the bully gets off scott-free.

The ‘help’ you get from telling teachers, principals, parents? You get all the same suggestions that try to keep things civil. You get thrown in the school’s free counselling, if not out-of-school therapy. You start to think that you’re the one with the problem. Hell, that’s what all the bullies are telling you, isn’t it? You’re the one with the problem, so you get thrown into counselling. Other students are telling you this and that about yourself, that news starts to spread. You start to believe these things about yourself because it’s ALL YOU ARE EVER HEARING day in and day out, and it turns into some serious long-term mental damage.

I was bullied in school. I got all of it, verbal, theft, physical, cyberbullying, and social, and it was for literally anything about me. How I looked, how I dressed, things I did, how I talked, every single little thing about me that could be picked out was aggressively thrown back in my face like it was somehow wrong. This was upon moving to where I am now, so I had no friends. There were people I didn’t even know or recognize coming up and verbally harassing me, blocking my paths, giving me the old shove. I had no one to go to besides the school and my parents for help. The suggestions I mentioned earlier? That’s what I got out of it. Did it work? Of course it didn’t. Do you want to know what happened?

After a year and a half of constant torture I snapped. I started getting violent toward the bullies (yes, multiple). This wasn’t me on the offensive, though. They would come up to me themselves and push and push, then I would react. I couldn’t take it anymore. But you know what happened after that? Me being sent to counselling, me getting a suspension. What was good about it at that point though, talking to adults had paid off to a degree. I was on a first name basis with everyone in the school’s office because they knew what I had been dealing with for so long. My punishments were generally pretty light because “they had to give me something.” From all of this, as some of you that may have read my About Me article may know, I was suicidal at a pretty young age. But let’s move on from that.

One of the facts I mentioned above is that, as students get older, their reports of bullying slow or stop. There are a few reasons for this, but one of the biggest is that they’ve lost hope in the system. They’ve given up on it because it’s never helped them before, they’ve already learned that they need to help themselves, because no one else is going to. Or, perhaps they made some good friends that help them out. Maybe they were like me and resorted to violence, or maybe they don’t have that in them and are suffering alone in their own form of dark.

Bullies can kill.

Whether one of them pulls a weapon, beats someone to death, or drives someone to suicide. Bullying is a much bigger problem than people seem to think, and it’s likely because they’re amongst the 4 out of 5 that didn’t go through it themselves. They never had to fear a place they should feel safe, never had to defend themselves, verbally or physically, especially while they were just a child. Yes, seriously. The highest rates of bullying are in grade 6. We are talking about kids aged 10–12. Think about that.

Students who are bullied are at a significantly higher risk of depression, suicidal behaviours, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, self-harm and dropping out of school. Students who experienced bullying or cyberbullying are nearly 2 times more likely to attempt suicide, and suicide ideation and attempts among adolescents have nearly doubled since 2008, making suicide the 2nd leading cause of death for individuals 10–34 years of age.

Students that need help or safety are not receiving it. The sad part is, people know how to recognize it, adults and other children alike. You can see it. Sure, sometimes it blends in, sometimes you miss it, but the majority of the cases? I’ve had a teacher watch me get bullied. I’ve had a classroom full of 28 kids watch me get bullied by 3 people. Nobody acts, nobody helps. Nobody cares.

But you’re still reading. You care, or maybe you’re a victim yourself. Here’s what you and others can do.

Bystanders:

If you’re a parent and see another child/teen getting bullied, whether it be online or in person, ask your child to step in and help the other kid out (if it’s not a violent altercation). If it is, step in yourself. Even just move toward or next to the victim. Lead them away from the situation. Tell the bullies to stop. For online circumstances, post something positive for them.

Listen when you hear a call for help. Don’t just stand there and do nothing like the rest of the bystanders.

Victims:

As much as I hated being repeatedly told to ‘tell adults about it,’ it did help to a degree. If I got into trouble it was much lighter because they all actually knew what was going on.

If it’s safe to do so, walk away from them. Standing in place and ignoring them doesn’t do anything. Don’t give them the time of day to listen to them, don’t give them the respect of staying there, they don’t deserve it. Walk away.

If you can, stay with at least one other person. I know it’s hard to do that sometimes, but even if you can stick around a teacher, a cousin, sibling, or an acquaintance. Being alone makes you more of a target.

Block cyberbullies. Easy. You don’t have the time of day for their crap. There’s a report button and a block button for a reason. Use it.

One of the few pieces of advice that very rarely worked was humour. It depends on the bully, and it depends on the victim. Twist something they say, or just plain laugh at them. Turn something around on them, turn it into a joke. BUT BE CAUTIOUS WITH THIS because sometimes it made it worse for me. Use your best judgement with this tactic.

You are worthy of respect, and you don’t deserve any of the trash being dished out to you by the bullies. Never forget that.

Here are some resources for those who need them.

Canadian Help:

Kids Help Phone: 1–800–668–6868

https://kidshelpphone.ca/

Bullying Canada: (877) 352–4497

https://www.bullyingcanada.ca/get-help/

Canadian Suicide Hotline: 833–456–4566

American Help:

No Bully Help Hotline: 1–866–488–7386

GLBT National Youth Talkline: 1–800–246–7743

American Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1–800–273–8255

References:

https://www.meganmeierfoundation.org/statistics

https://www.bullyingcanada.ca/get-help/

https://www.pacer.org/bullying/info/stats.asp