My Life

Adulting. This is a word that all people from the age eighteen (sometimes even younger) and up can all relate too. Whether it's bills, having to work, or grocery shopping, "adulting" we all know, is not fun.

It's funny how our life timeline always ends up with us waiting to grow older. It starts right at the beginning of life. We wait to be ten, WOO HOO! Double digits! We wish to turn thirteen, you're entering "the best years of your life!" Or so they said... You long to be sixteen, hormones are deadly. You ache to be eighteen, cannot wait to get out of the house and on your own, making your own rules, eating what you want, not being told what to do. Twenty-one, you have bills stacked up taller than you, either a job you hate, or no job at all, no money, EVER. Broke even after getting a paycheck, and really just struggling with everything that comes your way. The point to that long paragraph? We're always waiting, hoping that the next year will be better than last, another year older will come with new perks to make life easier and more fun. Hoping that the grass is greener on the other side, but as I have learned recently... It's either dead or the same.

Now, I am not saying my life as a twenty-one-year-old wife has been horrifying the entire way. I remember being sixteen and specifically saying, "When I turn eighteen, I'm going to move out and get a job, make my own money and make my own rules." Funny how things actually work out. I moved out two months after turning eighteen, to live with my boyfriend's family, whom, after dating for a year and a half, turned into my fiancé. Six months later, January 2016, I marry my best friend, finish high school, and for the first year, babysit to help pay the bills. Flash forward, we have our own house on five acres of beautiful land which I am entirely grateful for. Unfortunately, beautiful land doesn't pay the bills... Bills stacked up my butt, back to having no job, and stress that is slowly invading my personal space. I think daily that if I had just done a few things differently over the past few months, that I wouldn't have half the issues I do now. Which is mostly financial OF COURSE because... Life.

Twenty-one and dealing. It is so difficult to not break down and sleep for your problems away. For me, I think it's a mixture of denial and hopeful thinking things will be okay. Therefore, stress is no longer a feeling, or an occasional problem, but a way of life. Which I had hoped it wouldn't get that far but it has. So how do you deal with it? You wake up every morning. Take a deep breath, and instead of giving up like everybody else, stop focusing on all the bills you need to pay with all the money you DON'T have, and figure out away to take things step by step. No, I don't make a million dollars by babysitting only a few days a week; but it's better than being at a job that stresses you out, and gives you panic attacks daily. Clearly, not the job for you. It's better than not doing anything and making no money at all. Some, is better than none. I still manage to look on the bright side of things, even when it's 90 percent dark, and 10 percent bright. If that.

Life does not get better on it's own. You cannot just sit back and wait for everything to fix itself. You will be sitting for a real long time.