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My First Client Almost Ruined Me & My Business

Two days ago, I stopped working for one of my clients.

By Charles Tumiotto JacksonPublished 4 years ago 11 min read
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Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash

Firing a client is no big deal, right? It happens all the time in a freelancer’s life. But this one was hard to get away from.

He was my first client.

Two years ago, when I started freelancing, a friend gave me his business card saying that this business owner was looking for someone just like me. After a couple of phone calls and after meeting him once, I was hired.

When he asked for my rates, I remember panicking, looking away, almost shaking while revealing how much I was charging. When it’s your first time, it’s hard. And I definitely didn’t feel confident asking for this much money.

Despite my poor business skills back then, he accepted. Until two days ago, he was the client I was charging the most, responsible of around 40% of my income.

But it was more than juste the money. This client trusted me when I started, his associate was paying on time, he didn’t negotiate my rates, and he seemed to know a lot of people in Paris — where I was working. Getting this client gave me the giant boost of confidence that I needed to get more clients and to thrive as a freelance marketer. But quickly after being hired, everything started collapsing.

The Honey Moon Phase

Having a client that pays so much for your service is great. In fact, all the ressources and blogs I was reading about freelancing were suggesting the same thing: don’t waste your time with lots of low-paying clients, instead work for just a few that you charge extra. It was in that logic that I decided to charge this client a fairly high amount.

But there was a downside to this idea: this client was very demanding. Okay, that’s fair, he’s paying a lot after all, I would expect the same thing. So here I was, constantly going to meetings with him and his team, being on calls with him almost every day, working on weekends, doing things that were not really my job.

The pressure really pushed me to do my best. I learned a lot, and overall, I had great results and was doing a great job. After working for this client for a month and a half, we reviewed what I did, and he was very satisfied. And that felt great.

But that’s when things started to go down.

Even though the client was satisfied, he wanted more. I remember him saying “Can we do better?” And I remember nervously answering “Well, I’m sure that’s possible, I just worked really hard on this already.” “Then if it’s possible, let’s do it.”

Setting Up Boundaries

To do better, I needed to be more organized. That’s when I started tracking my time. Because to do better, I needed more time, I thought. Through time-tracking I realized that commuting to his office, meeting him and his team, the phone calls and all the technical tasks that I was taking care of (that were not part of my job) were taking me more than half of my working time for him.

To be honest, I didn’t need to do all that. Most of the meetings were more than an hour long, and 5 minutes, at most, were the useful information that I needed to do my job well. Most phone calls were taking so much time to schedule, their topics wasn’t set in advance, and most of it was just him going through his ideas and visions for long minutes. And the technical tasks that I was taking care of could have been outsourced to an IT person, or someone actually competent in this field.

So I decided to talk to him about it. That we could just call for these 5 minutes that I needed in the meetings. And that the almost daily phone calls should be planned in advance, with a clear objective to discuss. Otherwise, all the rest of the communication would be through emails.

While I was proud for setting up boundaries and for optimizing my time (and therefore, my performance), he didn’t quite like my recommandations. I was a bit surprised. Here’s what he said: “I need someone available. That’s why I’m hiring you. I need to be able to call you when I need to, I need to have you around when I need you.” I said that we could give it a try my way, and that we’ll see how it goes, since I was sure that it would allow me to perform better. He accepted.

However, I was feeling weird about his reaction. He doesn’t own me. And he’s not supposed to be my only client, I couldn’t, and shouldn’t, be available for him 24/7.

I had a feeling.

Maybe he was keeping me busy? Or maybe I was used to keep him busy? Was I the person he was calling to make himself feel busy? It didn’t seem healthy to me.

The Isolation Phase

My plan didn’t quite work out. Phone calls were now happening daily. When a time was scheduled, he would often be 30 minutes late. Sometimes up to 2 hours late. It just became impossible to know when my phone would ring, nor for what reason.

One day I would be told to create a newsletter, the other I would be told that newsletters don’t work and that they’re a waste of time. One day I’d be told that our marketing campaigns are great, the next day I’d be told that they’re too pricy.

It became impossible to manage, and I had to spend so much time trying to figure out what my client truly wanted, and if what I was doing was efficient and relevant, besides his viewpoint on the subject.

Working this way became a lot more time consuming than before, because now, most of my time was used anticipating phone calls, staying down to earth, coping, relaxing, doubting, reading analytics and data to objectively understand how I was performing.

He was my only client for a while. I wasn’t finding anyone else to work for. And it took me a while (almost to this day, in fact) to understand that the problem wasn’t me, nor my business, nor my rates, but it was that I felt exhausted, full of doubts and I had no time to try to go out and find new clients.

I did accept smaller clients, for whom I work just a few hours per month or week. But I didn’t find any other bigger clients, like this one.

I was too overwhelmed already, I was too scared, I couldn’t see myself dealing with another client like this one.

The Dip Phase

After a few months, it was time to review my work again. I wasn’t as satisfied with my results as the first time, but I thought they were still good. I would say that they were better than something you would expect from a standard content marketing agency.

The client, however, was not satisfied at all. He told me how disappointed he was and how my results were so much better at the first review session. That I needed to work harder, that maybe he would need to work with someone else.

I was petrified. I disappointed someone.

Doubts came back: maybe he was right, maybe I was not that good, maybe I should get a standard 9 to 5 job, maybe I should do something else, maybe I should quit everything.

I tried to explain myself. I tried to show that my results were still good. And that they were, in fact, better than the previous ones. That the progression between the two sessions is just not as exponential as it was.

But that was the issue. This client wasn’t focused on results. He was focused on progress.

All the work I did between the two review sessions was worthless, because we went from a 350% growth, to a 105% growth. While that’s still growth, and while these are still impressive figures, the second one is far from being as good as the first one.

I tried to explain how, in terms of content marketing, going from a poor online presence to something professional, if done well, has really impressive results. But that going from something already good to something optimized would still improve, but less, since the quality gap between the two is much lower. Which I think a reasonable explanation, and is easy enough to understand.

He wouldn’t hear it.

So I was back in my working spiral. Trying to set boundaries to get more time and energy so that I can improve. These boundaries kept being crossed and disrespected, almost daily by my client who thought I needed to be micromanaged so that I can perform better.

The Indifference Phase

This phase was the longest. That’s when I gave up trying. I was doing the bare minimum. I was answering the phone, justifying myself, listening to his crazy ideas, saying that I would work on those ideas, but I wouldn’t.

Between him and my other smaller gigs and clients, I was making a quite good amount of money anyway, so why would I exhaust myself more? I knew my results were acceptable. They weren’t great, but good enough for me to not get fired.

I wasn’t as exhausted and tired. But I was sad and depressed instead. I knew that my business wasn’t sustainable. My idea was to keep going until everything stops. Then I’d do something else.

He felt that I was getting detached. Phone calls were happening less often. He was sending me less emails. I wasn’t in as many email loops as before. And all of that was for the better.

I was looking for new business ideas and opportunities, but I felt down most of the time. I wasn’t confident anymore. I thought I was terrible at my job. I thought I was terrible at freelancing. I thought working from home wasn’t for me.

So I tried to change all that. I tried going out to work. It tried working on a personal project. I tried getting back to my hobbies. I tried finding new clients. But that imposter syndrome kept me down.

I will just wait, until everything collapses. Then I’ll do something else.

The Action Phase

How could I say that I was bad at my job though? Results, data, analytics, metrics were proving that I was good. That the main problem I’m facing was making my client realize that I do a good job. My other clients appreciate working with me and they don’t ever question my expertise.

What if he was wrong the entire time? What if the thing I needed to change was my client? What if he’s doing everything he can to keep me for himself?

My perspective changed. I realized how much of a weight my client was.

But the good news was that there was something very easy to do to feel better: to tell him I’ll stop.

Later that day, in the beginning of 2020, I got a phone call from him, during which he told me all his great ideas for 2020. I was barely listening, because I knew that I wouldn’t be part of it. During that call, he also mentioned how he had been wondering if we should still work together, but that since he didn’t really find anyone that talented to replace me, he’d stick with me.

I almost yelled. How manipulative is it to say that?

But I didn’t. I stayed calm.

After hanging up the phone, I checked my bank account to make sure I got paid for the month of December. Since I wasn’t, I sent an email to his business partner asking when I could expect to get paid. My mind was set: as soon as I’m paid, I’m leaving him.

The Relief

When I finally got paid, and after receiving an email mentioning once again how much he’d like to replace me, I did it.

I quit.

It’s not easy to quit after almost 2 years. It’s not easy to end a relationship with your first client. It’s not easy to get away from 40% of your income.

But it felt incredibly relieving.

I feel the same excitement I felt when I started freelancing and got this first lead. Because it made me feel free.

I’m out of the vicious circle now.

I’m proud for quitting and getting out of this.

I’m proud for doing something that felt right.

I’m realizing that this client had been on my mind for two years. I’m realizing how much he had affected my confidence, my work ethics, my performance, my knowledge, my productivity.

Today, I feel like taking a fresh start.

Today, I feel like doing my job again. The same job I’ve been hating for almost two years. The job that I thought wasn’t for me.

Today, I don’t feel harassed by texts, calls, emails, social media direct messages.

I still don’t measure how relieving this is. But I feel great. The daily guilt I was feeling daily is gone.

And now, I’m more ready than ever to go deep into new projects and ideas!

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About the Creator

Charles Tumiotto Jackson

Content Marketer, willing to put the "social" back in Social Media. Forget about "Hacks" and obscure secrets to grow on social media → http://bit.ly/2v7Ks6q

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