Mind of Departure

My life as a whole could be described as difficult. These hardships consist of most categories of abuse, divorce, and addictions. These hardships led me down the road of creation. When I discovered that I could travel anywhere I wanted at any given moment, I decided from that day forward, I would never go back to the world that harmed me so much.

The world of creativity has taken me down many paths, but one that has its hooks in me the most is music. The wonderful thing about music is that regardless of who you are and what you do, music is a part of your life. I found it intriguing that no one asks if you like music, but rather, what kind of music you like.

This mindset transposed to my way of creating music. I recognized that if I was happy about something I could write a song about it. However, if I was saddened by something, I did not have to be imprisoned by the emotion. I could channel that pain and make something I felt reflected what I was feeling. Furthermore, if my objective was to part from the feeling, I could write about my feelings and be relieved from them most times. Even if just until I was finished with the lyrics.

The escape from the physical and emotional detriments that bombarded my life was every bit of the definition of a lifesaver. Although the initial writings were not what I would classify now as “good,” the release of the anguish I was feeling kept me from things progressing worse within me. The writings evolved from a few rhyming words to teaching myself the verse structure, to eventually whole songs. After some time, I developed the ability to create whole songs in my head without the use of external instrumentation.

Song creation was eventually furthered when I added the use of musical instruments. I first began playing guitar in my junior year of high school. It was a shock that I was allowed to play in the home I was in, but I welcomed it. Melodies that I held within me began to manifest themselves as I plucked around the neck of the brandless guitar. My eagerness to learn became a newfound longing in gaining musical knowledge. The strings of the guitar seemed to know exactly what I was trying to say.

As the years passed, technology began to emerge more in the school system. Programs like Garageband and FL Studio (then named FruityLoops) were accessible on school computers. It did not take long before I taught myself these programs and started producing computerized instrumentals. This allowed me to create with instruments I did not have access to.

As time and trials shaped me through the years, I found more ways to deal with the traumas of my past life. However, music evolved with me and remained my side. Initially, the songs I created were filled with tones of heavy drums and melodic tones that replicated the Hip-Hop filled culture I had been brought up in. Now, my love for film has introduced itself to my musical life and I have moved forward to a more suitable genre of score music.

Through the shift, one factor has remained true: emotion. My first songs were about releasing the emotion within me to better myself and possibly help those around me. My latest songs have had the mission of creating emotion. The projects I have created now range from sampled experimental work to writing television shows and movies that do not exist in order to create scores for them.

One other factor of my work has remained central in most things I do as well, which is writing itself. Although my days of rap music and Hip-Hop are in the past, my use of words is something that has moved forward with me. I have now written songs for singers, numerous short stories, audio drama podcasts for my production company, a full-length novel, and also pieces like the one you are reading now.

I am pleased to say that I am a survivor of the times that attempted to eliminate me and the world of creating had a part to play in that.