La Dolce far Niente

4.04.2022

I unknowingly mimicked you, coffee, coke repeat. I sat there and admired you but also, observed your body shutting down. Your skin tone was subtly changing by the day. Memories of us from the past mocked me and I shunned them away, trying to live in this moment— a painful one. I took another sip of coffee and chased it with a coke. Ahh how my teeth sting.

You were very mindful of what was happening in your body and understanding of what events were to take course. “There’s nothing they could do,” you boldly stated. My eyes dared not to water trying to remain strong for you, in fear of upsetting you. You looked at me and told me, “we all need to be together and love one another,” something that seemed to be hard for my family until this life-changing moment.

Your breathing scared me. I sat there listening to you talking about anything and everything that came to your mind; while your accent became heavier than I had ever heard. You told me you would visit me in my dreams and I knew you meant it. My heart fluttered, and I reached to take another sip of my coffee. Everything I did reminded me nothing last forever, my cup of coffee and now you. Deep inside I knew you wouldn’t be around forever but I kept putting the thought away in my mind. Thankful another day had come and gone and I could have the assurance you were still there. In the same place doing the same things, where I could stop by and pay you a surprise visit.

I showed up wearing my best outfits with my hair and make up done knowing you would appreciate my efforts and when your eyes met mine I knew you were happy I was with you. You looked at me with such compassion and love and told me I had your heart. It gave me a knot in my throat, because you had mine.

When I was 25 years old, I wrote a letter to you, expressing my deepest love and admiration for you. You, unknowingly, informed many aspects of who I am. Your kind and protective ways consoled me in times I felt no one could. You taught me what true love is: selfless and in the best ways, consuming. Writing that love letter to you and telling you how I felt, while you were full of life, was one of the best things I ever did.

On my last visit i made sure your comfort blanket was delicately draped on your chest. I had the honor of assisting in your desire to nourish your sweet soul. We had a pizza party where we all fed you pizza from Amici’s— ‘friends’ in Italian. It was bittersweet leaving you knowing it would likely be my last time ever spending time with you. So I hugged you, kissed your head and said goodbye. I know one thing you were thankful for was having some time to say a proper goodbye before leaving this earth. I am so pleased you had that.

You left us the next day, surrounded by three strong, beautiful women listening to your favorite song. Our souls being connected, I felt your departure, my heart…

As I go through navigating this life without you, I realized how lucky I am to have had an opportunity to know you so closely. You took every chance you had to teach me what you felt passionate about from politics to Sicilian/Italian culture. You made jokes and were beyond real with your advice. You lit up a room with your presence and had the most contagious laugh. Your signature Ragu or your Pasta e Piselli will be unmatched by anyone. Plus your unique table etiquette, where you almost eat all foods with a *spoom, will forever be my favorite.

Similar to how you always returned back to the story of four year old me, with curly hair, climbing up the stairs calling your name just to seek refuge in your presence. I will always tell your story of who you were and how you brought so much joy and happiness to my life, all of our lives. I won’t ever forget you. Until we meet again—in my dreams the afterlife or other .

With Honor, Respect, and Love,

Isabel D’Alessandro

*how he pronounced spoon.

Life lessons from papi (poppy)

• Never sniff a flower because you might get a bug in your nose. (I think this could have been your way of saying be careful, looks can be deceiving) Enjoy the simple things in life.
• You never know what’s going to happen.
• Being surrounded by food and great company is the greatest gift.
• Take it easy. Really…. take it easy.