If You Think More than You Talk, You Should Write

When I first started writing online, I had no intention of it being something I would share with anyone I knew in the real world. I had previously used journaling as an anxiety management tool but found getting words out of my head onto paper wasn’t enough to break the cycle of intrusive, introspective thoughts.

When I made the decision to take it online, I knew exactly what I was doing. I was seeking a platform where I could be vulnerable, raw and honest with other humans. But I needed to do so in a way where I could get all of my thoughts out before I had to deal with any response. The catch was that these humans needed to be people I didn’t have to see every day. Oddly, I felt that people who didn’t know me would be far more interested in what I had to say.

I’ve always been the reserved type. In face to face settings, I don’t have a lot to say. Small talk is a waste of social energy for me, and if I’m going to give that energy to something, I like it to be meaningful. So, while I might not be eager to engage with you on this week’s weather forecast, if you were to ask me something that required an alternate thought process, analysis, hypothesis or general theory about something out of the ordinary, you’d have a difficult time getting me to stop. Unfortunately for me, most people aren’t really up for that kind of deep-dive over their morning coffee in the break room.

“I’m not a fan of small talk but if you want to get into the big questions of life — your deepest regret, your greatest joy — then we’re going to have a great chat.”

Anh Do

Two-Way Conversation is a Lost Art

I find that because I’m more of a thinker than a talker and prefer to choose my words carefully, many people don’t have the patience for a conversation with me. I tend to talk slow so that my words don’t get ahead of my thoughts and risk saying something I will regret. After being the same way my entire life, it no longer surprises or bothers me, but it does make me less inclined to put in the effort. I have a “3 Strike” rule. If I’m attempting to engage in conversation with someone and they cut me off, talk over me or try to finish my sentence 3 times, I stop talking.

Two-way communication is a learned skill. Most people “listen to respond” by default. Meaning, they spend more time thinking about what they will say next than actually listening to the person they are talking to. Or, they only ask “baited questions” designed to extract an anticipated answer from the person as quickly as possible, so they can quickly turn the conversation back over to themselves.

My all-time favourite is when you’ve just made a point, and the person has absorbed your point subconsciously and regurgitates it back to you as if it were their own epiphany. You can’t really argue that they weren’t listening, but they certainly aren’t a conscious participant in a two-way conversation.

This lack of to and fro is fairly normal, but those of us who are less dominant and determined to have our side of the coin displayed in a human setting often end up with many unexpressed, pent up thoughts circling in our heads. The responses we never got to give, the alternatives that were never considered. Then there are just those random thoughts that float around in your brain, begging for an opportunity to make their way out into the world but need to be truly heard.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey.

Why Writing is the Answer

A common misconception is that those who choose not to talk much have nothing to say, which couldn’t be more incorrect. And call me crazy, but if I’m going to take part in a one-sided conversation, I want to be the one expressing my thoughts and feelings.

What better way to do that than putting pen to paper? Or finger to keyboard as it is these days. Journaling can be a useful tool, but we can’t forget those pesky thoughts that are desperately seeking an audience.

You don’t need to be the next Shakespeare; you just need to find a space where there are other humans who are interested in what you have to say. The internet is gloriously full of these people.

You might find them in groups and pages dedicated to what you’re writing about, or you might get really lucky and find them out there doing the exact thing that you are trying to do. Either way, someone somewhere is going to read your work. They might not come in the thousands. Heck, they might not even come in double figures, but they are out there. And they are eagerly waiting to help you find your voice that gets so easily squashed in the real world.

“Why does one begin to write? Because she feels misunderstood, I guess. Because it never comes out clearly enough when she tries to speak. Because she wants to rephrase the world, to take it in and give it back again differently, so that everything is used and nothing is lost. Because it’s something to do to pass the time until she is old enough to experience the things she writes about.” — Nicole Krauss

Writing on Your Terms

You might be happy for anyone and everyone to read your work, or like me, you might want it to be available to the strangers of the internet exclusively.

While I like to refer to blogging as ‘journaling for public consumption’ — The public being your target audience, it’s the internet, so the likelihood that you will be able to keep your writing completely hidden is unlikely. Be mindful of walking the line with your writing, and always be willing to be accountable for whatever you write online. Because you will get it wrong at some point, trust me.

In saying that — Believe it or not, just because something is accessible doesn’t mean you should access it. If you haven’t invited the real world into your online writing world filled with your most raw, vulnerable thoughts, and you think there is a chance they may invite themselves, I would encourage you to consider maintaining ownership and doing it on your terms. This is your outlet, and it deserves to be respected despite where and how you choose to express yourself. After all, an open journal on a bedside is accessible, but we shouldn't read it. An unlocked phone on a coffee table is accessible, but we shouldn’t help ourselves to the texts. The internet has a funny way of breaking down normal social etiquette, and your online writing habits will be no exception.

“If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them to become better than they are.”

John W. Gardner

Final Thoughts

Writing online can be an absolute refuge, but it’s not without its pitfalls. If you try it, love it and decide that you can’t live without it, then “fight like hell” to do it.

It is the absolute salvation of those that have a lot to say and lack the confidence to say it out loud. It is a creative outlet, a grounding tool, a mental health aid and a science experiment. It’s where you can be anything and everything you ever wanted to be. You can try new things, you can succeed, you can fail, and you can improve. But most of all, you can be the most uninhibited, uninterrupted, authentic version of yourself.

So, If you think more than you talk, then please, write.