I Would Do Anything To Not Ask For Help

From a young age, I was taught to be independent. My mother, who also hates asking for help, kept reminding me that while lending other people a helping hand is necessary, I should refrain from asking for their support as much as possible. I grew up thinking that if I could do anything myself, I would never reach out for help.

While this has not brought about many problems in my daily life, I have received comments from my teammates that I could be uncommunicative and reserved. They told me that while doing my own task was responsible, I never shared with them the problems that had arisen. By the time I figured out the solution on my own, it might have been too late so I should feel free to ask for help whenever I wanted.

But when is the right time to ask for help? I never knew.

Three months ago, I was given a task by my manager. She wanted me to draft an article about the company and submit it to Wikipedia. It sounded easy enough, so I took it on myself.

Little did I know it was such a challenging job. Apparently, to publish on Wikipedia, you have to meet certain notability, neutrality, and reliability requirements. The website had many rules and regulations that you have to study and understand before getting down to business. This is my longest-pending task since I still have not completed it as of today.

I spent two months navigating around Wikipedia, reading multiple articles on the website, and talking to experienced editors. When I realized that the chance of getting published on Wikipedia was not high, I looked around for other alternatives.

I did my best to find the solutions. There were so many things to wrap my head around that this task started to haunt me. I went to sleep thinking about it. I had a few dreams about the possible scenarios. I called my best friends talking about my situation and expressing my frustration.

As time flew by, I only got more stressed out and it started to affect my work. I found myself facing dead-ends with a huge pile of unaccomplished tasks behind my back.

That was when it hit me. If I continued further down this road, I would be screwed. I might be criticized, or worse, fired, for failing to do my job. My mental health would be negatively influenced if it hadn't been already. I figured I no longer wanted to live like that, always nervous, worried, and anxious.

So I asked for help.

In the call with my manager, I apologized to her for not updating and dragging this task for so long. I remember vividly telling her that if I continued working like that, I would be burned out and that would affect the team and the company, which was the last thing I'd hoped for.

She replied:

You should have asked for my help sooner so we could figure this out together.

Upon hearing that, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I let out a sigh and said: "Yes, I should have."

I reflected hard on why I didn't voice my worries earlier. I am going out on a limb here and say that my reasons are the same as yours when you encountered a difficult situation and didn't ask for help.

• Fear of Judgment

In my case, my boss did tell me during the final interview that while she would offer help whenever I needed it, she would like me to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself.

This had me wondered.

"What if I ask now and my employer thinks that I didn't try my best? What if my request impacts her evaluation of me as an employee, a colleague, and ultimately, an individual?"

So I hesitated until I couldn't endure the stress any longer.

Asking for help feels like I'm admitting to being vulnerable and giving that person my power. I do not want to look weak in front of anyone, especially my colleagues who I don't know personally. I am just too proud.

I think of myself as a competent, independent, and resilient person, both in my daily and professional life. Asking for help, to me, is admitting that I am the opposite of that.

This is certainly the wrong approach to the subject because relying on yourself to improve without any external assistance is simply impossible. By asking other people, we allow ourselves to learn and expand our knowledge base.

I am fully aware of that. Still, knowing that does not eliminate the feeling of defeat.

While these reasons are valid, I have learned that the other side of the tunnel is bright and liberating. The feeling when you receive help is probably one of the best. It's like when you're holding a massive stone on your shoulders, someone else comes in and shares the weight. At that moment, you realize that you have never been alone. This whole time, if you just reach your hand out, someone will gladly grab it.

Thinking highly of yourself and hoping others would do the same is reasonable. But it's narcissistic to believe that you can conquer everything without any support.

So, when is the best time to ask for help?

When you know you have tried your best and there's nothing else you can do.

When you feel like you're about to succumb to the pressure and the stress.

When the matter is starting to become your ghost.

If you keep holding out, you will drown and people around you will flounder. Then, it will be too late.