Fear

A couple of amazing people in my life frequently astound me with alternative perspectives. They confront me with frames of reference I have overlooked entirely, like a different side of the coin.

One recent example came in the form of a question from my spiritual advisor. A question I did not want to answer. Consequently, I avoided the question by saying I did not know how to answer it.

Truthfully, I knew the answer but did not want to face it. Later, however, I confessed my dishonesty and gave the answer I knew to be true.

Subsequently, the same spiritual advisor asked me another simple question. When I answered, he confronted me with, “Are you being dishonest again?” That confrontation opened my eyes to a whole new perspective.

The original question I had side-stepped with a lie had to do with emotions. It took the form of, “Do you have feelings for _____?” My dishonest answer was, “I don’t know how to answer that question” The truth? I did not want to answer the question. This explained why my mentor would later question my honesty. Trying to make sense of why I would lie in this situation, my overactive brain started going a million miles an hour.

My rationalization of this lie was that I did not know how to phrase my answer in a way that my mentor would understand. The bottom-line truth is, I feared my answer’s consequences. Period. The prospect of a myriad of different possible outcomes petrified me. So, I lied.

The stage is now set. My first lie had potentially tainted or limited any further effective communication.

When my spiritual adviser posed his second question, “Did you finish your writing assignment?” I answered honestly, “No, I didn’t” Then, I was surprised when he asked, “Are you being dishonest again?”

Initially, my response was to laugh (inwardly) because, who is going to lie by confessing they haven’t finished their homework when they have? It simply didn’t make sense to me. Surely, he was joking. He was not. He went on to say, “Sometimes we cannot tell the true from the false.”

That struck me a terribly sad, to not know what is real and what is made-up. I have heard “denial” as an acronym standing for “Don’t even know I am lying” and I understand that. I’m no stranger to denial but, was I unable to separate the truth from falsehood? That, I do not understand.

Not yet fully understanding his thinking, I cannot speak to his meaning. However, it did lead me to a deeper understanding of some other things. How could someone not know they were lying about a simple yes or no question? Either I had finished my writing, or I had not. Very simple!

The answer I found was that when I am driven by fear, my thinking process becomes radically distorted. Fear compounds itself driving me so far from the truth that I end up in an abyss of total darkness.

But we need not get stuck here. Shining the light of truth into darkness expels the darkness. A thousand lies can be immediately dispelled by a single truth. “…know the truth and truth will set you free.”

Jesus is truth and He sets me free. There is no darkness in Him. Very simple.

When my mentor said, “Sometimes we cannot tell the true from the false.” I’m not sure if he means we cannot tell the true from the false because of some innate malfunction of the brain or, if based on some motive, we consciously choose to lie. What I do know is that honesty is a choice, and its cumulative consequence is a lifestyle.

Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. A person either has integrity or they don’t. When I live without honesty and integrity, I block the channel between God and me. Initially, this causes misery in my life and ultimately it leads me astray and into the dark abyss.

Using my writing homework as an example, I could lie and say it was finished when it wasn’t. That would be based on fear of disapproval. The character defect of being a people pleaser.

I answered my mentor’s second question honestly. I had not finished my writing homework and I admitted that knowing that I was risking correction or disapproval. A wonderful blessing I have received from the wisdom of others is to have abandoned the need for approval and validation from others. Today, with few exceptions, I am not impressed by anyone.

God revealed to me long ago that one of my problems stemmed from being impressed with people. When I am impressed by someone, I, in turn, seek to impress them. The solution came in letting go of a need to be impressed by anyone. Bam! It works!

When I allow myself to be impressed by someone, intimidation follows close on its heels. My default response is to begin thinking I am not good enough or I don’t measure up. When I could let go of being impressed those feelings of intimidation and lacking worthiness evaporated as well. Problem solved.

Fear is often at the root of my problems. Fearing that I am not good enough triggers within me, a desire to control the situation. My distorted thinking is that, if I can control a situation, then I can control its outcome. A frantic effort to manipulate an outcome to be in my favor ensues and inevitably results in more problems. I will end up crashing and burning.

Accepting that I do not know what is best for me or anyone else, I know that God does. He knows the beginning, the ending, and everything in between. He created me for His purposes and has a path for me and a plan for my life that is best for me and will serve His glory. Staying on His path requires that I walk in truth and in love. It is so simple. Not easy, but simple.

If I start to veer from the path God has for me, it is likely because fear entered somewhere. Until I dispel that fear, it is going to have me hijacked and I am not going to like where it takes me.

I love the song “Fear is a Liar”. Do I want a liar driving me? I think not!

Today, I stay on the path my Creator has for me by walking in truth and love!