Be Kind to Your Server

I have been in the culinary world for about seven years now. Out of high school I thought I wanted to be a chef. I went to Culinary School, got an associates degree and began my first job as a line cook, at an Italian restaurant.

I have had the fortune of working at some great restaurants with amazing coworkers, some of who I still keep in contact with. I have had wonderful teachers and chefs, that have taught me many things, not only about food, but about life.

I've was able to work my way up to being a chef/manager; then had a change of heart, tried a few various other jobs, then settled with becoming a server (while I pursued other passions).

I've come to realize though, that if you've never worked in a restaurant, you probably know very little of how it works. I believe everyone should have the best dining experience they can when they go out to eat; so I wanted to share some of my advice and things I have learned about this fascinating industry.

Let's start in the kitchen.

Regardless if you are the chef, line cook, prep cook, pastry, etc., there is always work to be done. Kitchens are hot and fast paced and messy; and chefs often do yell (though kitchens have grown calmer over time).

I, myself, was never like that; but I would need to take small breaks to unwind. Standing in the cold calmness of the walk-in fridge would give you the boost to continue on through the service; when you think the tickets are never going to stop coming out of that infernal machine.

Kitchen shifts are long, tiring, and you end up smelling like grease or smoke (or whatever you were cooking) when you go home for the day. One of the places I had worked at, had various themed counters to sell goods. One counter sold fish; and I remember that the employee that worked behind it would reek by the end of the day. He had even told me that multiple times he had been refused by a Uber because of how bad he smelled.

I didn't always mind smelling like food (especially if it was really good food), but I'm glad I didn't smell like fish or cheese by the end of my days.

The kitchen ends up becoming your home though. You spend so much time with your employees and fellow chefs, they become your second family. If you're in management, you can add vendors to that list too.

One of the restaurants I had worked at had really great comradery with the staff; so after work on Sundays they would all go out bowling. I was just a baby at this time, not even twenty-one, but they still included me and we went to places that didn't require IDs. You have to have some fun after a hard, long weekend, or people would just crack.

Another point to mention is that it did make a difference, me being female. Though the world is going in a more equal direction; the kitchen life is still skewed to be male dominant. You're supposed to be large, tough, smoke, and swear. I am not any of these things and that has been just fine.

I had to grow a thicker skin of course; and take my fair share of chastising over small mistakes. But it was a growing experience and I wouldn't be who I am now, if it weren't for the hardships and challenges I faced in those kitchens. You have to deal with people who think you can't do anything because you're very young and a girl. While on the other hand, getting unwelcomely flirted with because there isn't a lot of other females even around.

When you get past that though; when you find who you are and know what you're capable of, you do get respect. They listen to your ideas and feedback; and when you become a chef, the staff respects you too.

It's not easy at all and there will always be the employee who has worked there for years and doesn't listen to any new feedback; the young kid from culinary school who already thinks he's a master chef; the morning prep person that skims on all their work and then complains about everyone else.

I have seen so many different types of people and every bit has been hard but wonderful. I don't recommend it for the faint of heart; but understand that a really good restaurant, has chefs and managers that care, teaching their staff to be the best they can be, and give the best food and experience to their customers.

All that being said, after four years in the kitchen, it wasn't calling to me.

If you don't already know, not every chef makes it. So many people go to Culinary school believing they'll be the next master chef. I don't have any statistics, but I'm sure that success rate is very low. Was Culinary school worth it?

To me, yes and no.

Yes, because it got me to where I am now. I got my first job through another student at the school; and that first job lead to a few of the other jobs I got after that. (Plus how I met my boyfriend of three years now). Also, I cherish the people I have met through my jobs, who have given me great opportunities; like how I was able to do a cooking competition in Hawaii; or how I get to work at Coachella every year.

No, because in truth, the kitchen world doesn't care if you have a degree. They care if you come to work and if you do your job. Doing it well is another plus. I say this because I have worked with many incompetent people who have lied their way through their resumes. No, because the school I went to was predatory financially. They would only speak to me when I had a bill due, otherwise no one was ever available; they would throw lots of confusing numbers at me and not give me any paperwork to take home and review for myself. To top it all off, because they were having lots of financial difficulties, they gave me a deal where I could pay off of what I owed and be done with them. (If it was done by a certain date). I was able to pull this off, but it took me five phone calls and two visits before they would actually give me any record of me doing this.

In case you were wondering, it was an Art Institute, which is now closed.

Still a little bitter, and still in debt from my loan, but hey, I try to take it as a learning experience.

Now, a few years ago, I was in a point in my life where I decided I no longer wanted to be a chef. I had other creative passions that were calling to me. So, I sought out being a server, hearing that I'd make just as much, but work half as much.

I was not able to find a server job right away, working a few months at one place as a host, before going to another as a food runner. Even though I knew lots about food, not many places are willing to take a risk if you haven't been a server yet, and therefore you have to start at the bottom.

Then Covid hit.

This helped me a lot. I was able to focus on some things while being at home, and the food runner job I had kept; so when things began to open again, I was moved to being a server.

Serving is difficult in a different way. The public is hard to deal with. If you've never worked a customer service job, then I'm probably talking about you. You could very much be one of those difficult people and not even realize it. Or you could be one of those people that totally knows what they are doing, and does obnoxious things just to get free stuff. Or you're just not happy and nothing is going to please you, so you take it out on anyone you come in contact with. Trust me, I've dealt with a lot.

I wore a mask for almost two years while being a server. I feel like this helped me, in a way, since I do struggle with social anxiety. I built up my confidence and after I had a year under my belt as a server, I applied to other places, until I landed at this amazing vegetarian restaurant by the beach.

If I want you to take anything away from this, understand that your server is only human. Everyone from the dishwasher to the owner of the restaurant is trying to do their job; hopefully as affectively as possible, to give you, the customer, a great experience so that you come back.

I consider myself I very good server. I will not treat a table any differently, even if I don't think they'll leave a tip for x, y, or z reasons. It shouldn't matter because it is my job to be your server and serve you. That being said, we do have a poor system because as a server, you rely on tips. I have come to realize that all the money my job actually gives me, goes into taxes. The rest of my check is all tips. I survive solely on tips.

Of course, serving is not a means to an end, not for me at least. I don't believe I should give any less service though. I shouldn't do my job any less.

I understand that not all people are like this. I have met hosts that anger the tables before they even get sat. I have been at places where I watch my server completely ignore their tables and talk to their coworkers for twenty minutes. I have had fellow coworkers complain about a difficult table and tell me they aren't going to help them until they want the check.

I think all of this is wrong; but I understand that we're just human. People come in, in all sorts of moods; most of the time their hungry. I also get crabby when I'm hungry, so I can understand.

The biggest thing I've learned, is to not let it get me to me. In all reality, I don't know them, they don't know me; they came in feeling a certain way and my job is to give them food they enjoy, help them have a good time, and maybe even get them to come back.

I will apologize for any mistakes and keep in constant communication with my tables if something is taking longer than it's supposed to. I keep the tables clean of dirty dishes and any question I will answer to the best of my abilities or find someone who does know the answer.

It can be difficult, because most of the time, customers don't notice how busy you are. I have a constant check list going on in my head of who needs water, who hasn't been talked to, who asked for something, etc. When you're sat five tables at once, then two others want to check out, then someone has a question about what's in their sandwich, and yet another wants salt. You're pulled in so many directions and you're just one person.

Support in restaurants in a big key and proper training. I've come to realize many places lack this. It's a give and take sort of situation; and I do my best to see all sides. I greatly value the knowledge I have gained from working as a chef and give it forward in my knowledge as a server.

So I give this advice: if you are a server, treat it like this;

The customer is not always right, but pretend like they are. Don't argue with people; especially ones that believe they're right, even if they're not. You know how your restaurant works, make it work best for you, while making it seem like your appeasing the customer's every whim. They end up happier in the end, and you have less of a head ache.

Also, don't take anything personally. I have found that most of time, people's moods can be easily changed. Especially since most people that come into a restaurant are probably hangry, just do your best to feed them fast.

And if you're a customer who has never considered any of these things before, watch the restaurant next time you go out to eat.

Yes, there will be people who slack, servers that avoid you, and food that just isn't good. But be honest and understanding. If you see a large restaurant with only two servers and they are constantly talking to people, give them another minute before getting upset over not having salt. If you don't like your food, let your server know right away and give constructive feedback so they we can fix the problem. Maybe the dish really did need tweaking and no one noticed.

Things slip by; sometimes a plate is dirty, sometimes your server will forget to bring you ketchup, sometimes the food will be too salty. Everyone who works in a restaurant is only human; and if you want to have the best experience, ask questions about items you don't understand, try something new, and please, be patient.

I believe in good food, good service, and a good time.

Not all places are like this and not all people have my mentality; but I believe the more you know, the more you understand and acknowledge, the better experience you, and everyone around you will have.