Another Snarky Entry to the Aquarian's Journal

Another Snarky Entry to the Aquarian’s Journal

“Shut the Fuck up and listen to me!” I shouted at the crowd, as they turned their backs and walked away.

In my dream, which feels very real to life, why does no one want to listen to me?

No, I don’t often scream and swear at people, but I do speak from a place of truth and honesty, and my answers usually require effort. People do not wish to consider anything different thanv their own beliefs and lifestyle, and they certainly aren’t willing to make much effort when change is required. I often am ridiculed, I guess, because I don’t have a Magic Bullet to offer as a solution to make things better. Insttead, I ask questions.

When people do ask for advice, I’ve finally discovered they don’t actually mean it. What they’re actually looking for is validation of what they already believe, and to suggest otherwise is asking for angry resistance.

My daughter has her figure skating show today, in which she has three group performances. That means I must attend a function and interact human-like with people and essentially hold my tongue. Two days in a row! Not that I have mean things to say, but often, whatever comes out of my mouth, appears to make others uncomfortable. I usually end up sitting in an out-of-the-way area, surrounded by people milling, keeping quiet and smiling a lot. It’s not that I want to be rude or mean, I just can’t seem to understand the “rules” of peopling appropriately.

I don’t have all the answers. Neither does anyone. I just like to explore the possibilities of life choices in an adult way with people. People don’t like that. How many times can I hear “Cold enough for ya?” or “What a beautiful day!” How do I respond? I just nod and smile.

About a decade ago, I used to listen to my Mother-in-Law recount to me how many eagles she and her best friend, Alice, would see on their annual drive back from Texas to Michigan. Really? That’s a multiple hours long trip - you have nothing more interesting than that to tell me? I mean, I like eagles and all, but there had to be more than that.

When I was much younger - like before Internet, or Social Media or Cell Phones - I spent many hours working in retail selling goods ranging from clothing, to art, to pet supplies. I also worked in many service type jobs, which required a lot of people interaction. I enjoyed interacting with the public in those situations, both in retail and public service. I was good at it. Now, going into crowds to interact socially always feels like a test I’m destined to fail.

Being an Aquarian, my zodiac chart claims my nature is to be intense and idealistic, as well as traditionally non-conformist. I’m described as interesting, and a person who gets bored easily. Well, I can’t argue with any of that, but it seems to be scary and too much for many people to put up with. Small talk gets boring quickly. And holding in my thoughts in my effort to get-along gets exhausting.

Keila Aartila grew up in a small, rural community surrounded by animals and family. She, along with her husband and daughter, horses and other pets, now live on 40 acres in Northern Wisconsin, surrounded by forest and wildlife. She has spent her life reading about, writing about and working with animals, her goal always to be as reliable, trustworthy and honest as a horse, but her innate humaness keeps getting in the way. She remains determined to keep trying, though.