Adulting

Stepping into the responsibilities of being an adult comes at different ages for different people for a variety of reasons. It includes, among many things, living on your own (with or without roommates - it’s about financial responsibility), making purchasing choices based on what you can afford, while also considering the future, and earning your own income to cover your expenses. It often means making sacrifices where needs are considered before wants.

In my case, homelessness and financial insecurity seemed a better option than continuing in a restrictive marriage. Trial-by-fire, so to speak, in navigating the world of becoming a responsible adult. Something I should have learned much earlier in life, but didn’t. It was a choice. It was always a choice. First-things-first, I needed a place to live. I did have a part-time job, and I was a student.

I was thirty-one the first time I lived on my own. I never realized how freeing or relaxing it could be. I had always had roommates, or boyfriends or a husband with whom to share space, but now I could revel in my own company. I wondered why I had never considered it before? I guess I always had, seemingly, better options. I guess I liked being taken care of. Everyone should take the opportunity for living alone at some point. It really impressed upon me the responsibilities of taking care of myself and gave me a realization of what I liked or didn’t like in my space. It gave me the ability of seeing things from an adult perspective, as the provider instead of the one expecting to be taken care of.

While I moved out of my shared home, to a friends couch, another friend secured a few rentals for me to look at. I decided on one, that seemed ironically perfect, immediately after checking it out. I loved the landlords, the location and the affordability. It was a little one-bedroom, upstairs apartment, above a family home in a tiny town on the edge of the country. I decorated a little bit considering my own tastes and choice of colors, with mainly thrift sale purchases and gifts. I bought a futon for the living room and a small table with two stools for the kitchen. I splurged on a little lampshade for the little lamp I put in the bedroom. It was a small space, but the opportunities, enormous! I don’t think I had ever felt so optimistic in my entire adult life.

I had a tv, but rarely watched television. Instead, I could come home from work, change into comfy attire, make tea and either read, write or do yoga - all in peace and quiet. Or I could take a walk and grab a snack in town. It was a little bit scary being on my own, but not that much. I also had the whole bed to myself and I could go to bed or wake up whenever I wanted. And it was a small place with just me, so keeping it clean and tidy was an enjoyment, not a chore.

I loved my little, upstairs apartment. I could breathe with no judgement. I even had a garage where I could park my big truck! My landlords were super. I stayed there for less than a year, though. I was eager to move in with my boyfriend/fiance. That was actually wonderful, too. But different after learning to live on my own. It was an adjustment to live with another person again, but from my experience of being on my own, I had more to offer the relationship as a partner instead of being just a “taker” without giving much in return. I didn’t know better before.

Adulting is hard! With no one to rely on except myself, I had to make choices to pay rent and eat over making purchases out of habit or desire. I learned the difference between wants versus needs, how to make more responsible choices, and ultimately, how to be a better partner.

Thank you for reading! When did you notice your transition to adulthood? What prompted it?