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6 Things Your Boss Wants to Know About You

by Leonora Watkins 21 days ago in satire

What Your Boss Secretly Wants to Ask You

Whether you like them or you hate them, they are your boss and if you want to keep your job then you are stuck with them. But no matter what kind of job you have and what kind of salary you might be pulling in, there are still some things that your boss secretly wants to know, but would never have the guts to ask you.

Do you like them?

No matter what kind of dickhead they might be or how arrogant they might come across, everyone wants to be liked, whether they want to admit it or not. Your boss wants to know whether you really like them or you are just polite to them at work and go home and rant about them.

And they would never admit it to you, but thinking about this takes up more of their time than they are comfortable with. They think about you when they go home, just like you think about them. They really would like your approval and to know you think they're a decent person, but they can never let on so they cover it up by being a tool about everything.

Do you want their job?

They like being in charge, they like being the one to boss people around and tell people what to do. And they don't want you to ruin it for them, they want to know if you are there to sneak in under the radar and steal their cushy job from underneath them. This is the cause of a lot of hostility between bosses and their staff members.

By Brooke Lark on Unsplash

How far can they push you?

Bosses like to do nothing, it's one of the perks of having climbed up the ladder, so they make you do all of their work. It's not because delegating is good management, it's because they are lazy. But they want to know just how far they can push you, how much work can they pile on you until you quit, and tell them to stick their job.

Are you smarter than they are?

The chances are the answer is yes, but they want to know if you are smarter than they are and better at their job. Bosses don't like to be made to feel inferior so they don't want you to be brighter than they are. They think that you're not there to be smart, you're there to do as they tell you.

By Konstantinos Papadopoulos on Unsplash

Are you going to quit?

They want to know if they have pushed you so far and piled so much work on you that you want to quit and never look back. But they won't ever ask you this because they are terrified that they will be putting ideas into your head. It won't stop them from being a jerk and dumping all their work on you, but they are worried about it.

By Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash

Are your kids going to be a problem?

Again, this is a question that they will never ask because people would be straight on the phone to a lawyer. But they want to know if your kids are going to cause problems with your work schedule. And it doesn't matter what gender you are and what gender your boss is, they are still going to assume that your kids will cause a problem and secretly resent you for it.

Not all bosses are like this.

But a lot of them are, they know how you're feeling and what you're thinking because they probably thought the same thing when they were in your position!

Leonora Watkins
Leonora Watkins
Read next: Why Denny's Is the Perfect Starter Job for a Cook
Leonora Watkins

A qualified counsellor and an even more qualified queer. I specialise in victims of rape and sexual assault. I also have a degree in behaviour analysis.

See all posts by Leonora Watkins

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