10 Tips on How to Handle Constructive Criticism Like a Pro

We all know the dreaded work review meetings. Your manager starts with the positives and starts listing them quickly, but you don't feel praised because you can tell the whole time that they're just leading up to telling you your weaknesses.

I really admire people that graciously accept constructive feedback and criticism. It is not easy. We want to defend ourselves as quickly as possible, even if they're absolutely right. The moment I receive negative feedback, my mind races and my heartbeat quickens and I feel attacked. This will then affects the way I view my manager after thinking 'oh they just hated me all this time, I'm a failure'. It is a restraint to not get defensive or take the feedback personally.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving

Dale Carnegie - How to Win Friends and Influence People

The truth is, constructive criticism is vital for progress in the workplace. You may not notice your weaknesses and feedback helps to make sure you're on the right path in succeeding in your role and team. It is also your manager's chance to reiterate their expectations of you and sort any misunderstandings. Here are some tips on how to handle your next encounters with negative feedback with grace.

1. Take a deep breath before you react

The moment you receive criticism, don't say or do anything at all for a few seconds. Just breathe and only then, slowly, react.

Your brain needs time process the situation instead of short-circuiting to defensive mode. These extra few seconds could be the difference between you lashing out and spiralling in self-pity or discussing the feedback calmly.

A deep breath in and out will remind your body and mind to stay calm and to halt any dismissive facial expressions or harsh words that could follow when you react without thinking. Remember that becoming argumentative and defensive, even if you're in the right, will not encourage your manager to listen and therefore both parties are left feeling worse off.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

2. Remember that they're not perfect either

A manager giving you feedback has definitely been in this position themselves along the way and probably still is. Although some may act like they know everything, they have many flaws too and will often slip up because they're, well, human.

Remember that it's not the world (or the company) against you when you're receiving criticism. Your manager will likely be on the receiving end in similar meetings from other management. This perspective will make you feel less cornered and not feel like you're the only one that's ever done something wrong.

3. Know that you will never be perfect, and shouldn't be expected to be

We all want to be employee number one and get that bonus, pay rise and preferential treatment. However, the reality is, to a company you are just an employee payroll number and anyone can be made redundant or fired at any point. No one is immune (not even the CEOs of their own company).

You are always a work in progress and you will never learn everything there is to know (just like you will never 'finish Netflix', although if you do, kudos to you!) because there will, and should be, always more to strive for. This is part of having a growth mindset which is far more productive than a fixed mindset where you label yourself as a 'good' or 'bad' employee.

The fact that you're always a work in progress is what makes constructive feedback not just a formality, but absolutely vital.

4. Listen first, speak after

You've breathed in and out before answering. You've paused and dodged a combative reaction and you've put your scenario in perspective...now what?

As your manager is sharing any feedback, remember to really listen. First allow them to speak their thoughts full, without interruption and repeat back what you've heard to clarify. For example:

"You would like me to manage my time better between the two projects, is that right?"

Try not to question your manager's assessment till the very end. Start by focusing on their points and just clarifying if necessary. Remember that they're nervous too so they may not phrase their thoughts in the best way at first, but help them out in doing so. Make sure you're at a mutual understanding with every point.

5. Ask questions about the feedback

Now the feedback is out there, it is time to deconstruct it. This is the time to, calmly, share your perspective. Ask questions rather than debate their decisions because it may come off as defensive.

The key part here is to give possible solutions for the criticism received. Giving suggestions shows that you really care about acting upon the feedback and will put you in a much better position than just expecting your manager to tell you what to do. If you can't think of a solution, maybe ask politely:

"I would appreciate hearing your ideas on how I could improve on this in the future"

Try to understand whether an issue presented is a one-off, in which case, just tell them! Also, if you can't recall when you did something wrong in the feedback given, just ask. For example, if you were told you become a little argumentative in meetings, a good way to deconstruct this would be:

"I did become quite frustrated in that meeting, yes. However, can you tell me whereabouts you felt I got this way? I would like to work out what the triggers are."

6. Get it in writing

What you definitely don't want is a repetition of your criticisms in the next review meeting because you forgot a piece of feedback that was given and you continued making those mistakes.

Some managers can forget to send along notes after a meeting. If this happens, make sure to chase them up on it. Ensure you have your full list of feedback in writing. Whether it be a google doc, an e-mail or you write it down yourself.

Make sure this list is also written down somewhere you remember and bring it to your next meeting. This allows you to prove to your manager you have reached some, or all, of your goals as you tick them off like a checklist. It will also remove any ambiguity if your manager remembered the feedback differently from you.

7. Turn your weaknesses into actionable goals

Once the feedback is deconstructed and you have all the information you need, it is time to create some actionable goals.

I prefer the term 'your goals are...' to 'your weaknesses are...' when giving constructive feedback. 'Goals' feel like something you're just working towards and will eventually achieve whilst 'weaknesses' implies a negative personal state that is just part of you and can't be improved.

This is the chance to turn things around. Write down each piece of feedback and a clear method of how you're going to achieve that goal.

Example:

You were told you keep running over the weekly team meeting and your team members are becoming frustrated with this. Here are some actionable goals:

- Keep a timer that notifies you 10 minutes before the end of the meeting, in case someone brings up a point to discuss that may take longer than this

- Stop conversations happening within the meeting which require a different meeting themselves (we've all had it)

- Agenda first, everything else second. If this doesn't work, review the agenda! Maybe there is just too much to cover in that time

- Start the meeting on time, even if not everyone has turned up

8. Request a follow-up

Once you've reached a middle ground on all the issues raised in a review meeting, it is time to start closing the conversation and move on.

Ask and note-down when the following review meeting is. If there isn't, set an appointed time and date in your calendars right there and then. This ensures you have an appropriate time-frame for your goals. Request an extra follow-up if there are larger issues that you may require more time to process and seek advice for.

9. Question the way the feedback is presented if you feel it was unhelpful

For feedback to be constructive it must be intended to be helpful with suggested tips for improvement. It must also be specific, clear and delivered with a professional, polite attitude. However, not all managers get this correct.

If you feel your feedback was presented as destructive criticism which made you feel embarrassed and insulted or because it was vague and given with an antagonistic attitude, then it is best to speak up about this. Consider taking this issue to a colleague higher up from your manager if you feel the feedback you received was unhelpful. This is not your fault at all, and if the person giving you the feedback isn't on your side, then you shouldn't have to accept it.

10. Say thank you

If all has gone to plan where you have finished your review meeting and received constructive criticism with clear, actionable goals then now is the hard part.

Look the person in the eyes and thank them for sharing the feedback.

"I really appreciate the time you have taken for talking to me about this"

Chances are, your manager has taken the time into ensuring the criticism is constructive and clear and also thought of ways for you to improve. Additionally, they have made the effort to deliver it in the best way for you to get the most out of it and feel more positive for improving yourself, rather than defeated.

Expressing your appreciation doesn't mean you agree with everything they have said in the assessment. It just shows that you're acknowledging their effort to evaluate you and help you grow. No one likes to deliver criticism, but this information is far more useful than someone continuously praising you and you not improving. Similar to how the friend that calls you out on your bullshit will care much more about you improving yourself than the other the one that just agrees with everyone.

The take-home message is, if you did not receive constructive criticism, you would not grow. You will remain static in your job role and not improve your skills or pay because of this. You are always a work in progress, and keeping this in mind will make criticism feel easier to not take so personally. Remember to always be polite and keep the situation in perspective. However, also, make sure you're still treated fairly and take time to process all the feedback you have received. It's ok if you're not born with 'thick skin'. Think of one of the criticisms to yourself being, to deal with criticisms better!

Learning to process constructive criticism like a pro will ensure you keep healthy relationships with your colleagues and bounce back wiser and more resilient to feedback in all areas of life.