10 Things I Learned About Male Culture When I Was On a Men’s Team

1. Men respect ruthlessness. That’s why their sense of self-worth is directly tied to the amount of perceived “success” they have. They need to see results in order to believe it. The only way to gain their respect is if you prove them wrong and/or pulverize their ego.

2. They are not confident. They have a huge ego- two different things. male culture promotes constant competition with each other, so men are culturally conditioned to keep striving for success. they are not confident in themselves bc they feel the need to constantly prove their masculinity. This makes them highly insecure, and scared of leaving their comfort zone.

3. The only acceptable emotions in “boy world” are amusement and ambition. when it’s not time to work, it’s time to play. There’s no such thing as empathy, compassion, etc. It’s why they’re incapable of comprehending why the mere concept of bodily autonomy is so important to women. picture this: men, if someone took away your right to have sex forever, how would you feel?

4. They harbor such a desperate need to belong and to be accepted, which is why you’ll rarely see other men stand up for women/LGBTQ+. Even if they know something is wrong, they will stay silent in order to “keep the peace”. Again, this is an act of cowardice. The epitome of male culture is not courage, it is domination.

5. Male culture is so centered around competition that they don’t want to just win, they want to conquer. They have zero idea how to fill their own cup so they constantly look for validation and stimulation from outside sources. They would rather terrorize everyone else than look inward and confront the massive amounts of shame, guilt, and insecurity they suppress (*ahem, Putin*)

6. Their emotions are in a locked box that they stuff down and repress for most of their lives. That’s why a lot of them are incapable of feeling anything at all. The only way to open this locked box is if they are confronted with a massive amount of inescapable emotion, such as a birth of a child, the death of a loved one, heartbreak, etc. Any life-changing event that forces them to feel.

7. They deal with just as much trauma and pain as everybody else. But the way they deal with their suffering is totally different. It is socially acceptable in society for men to take out their anger on everybody else, OR hide it away for so long, ignoring its existence so much that it puppeteers their behavior.

8. The older, “more successful” ones are mean and guarded to the younger, “less successful” ones because they had to go through the same thing- for example, hazing. They take satisfaction in this because they still hold on to so much resentment from the trauma they had to endure to get to where they’re at. Hell, when I was 13, I had an older boy call me a “f*got-ass sucky coxswain”. It’s a cycle.

9. Most of them never feel the consequences of their actions because the world is run by other men, and male loyalty is not true friendship- they will cover for you if you fuck up, but they will not comfort you. They will help you clean up your messes, but they WILL NOT hold you accountable. Most are too scared to stick up for what’s right.

10. Those who counter with the “not all men” retort are just butt-hurt that you threaten their identity as a man. They have so little faith in themselves that their only “advantage” in this world is that they’re born with a dick, and not a vagina. When you come in the way of that, all little self-esteem and self-worth they possess are lost.

*Bonus*: They are a lot more at war with themselves than women are. And they’re a lot easier to figure out than they think. If only they’d make peace with the inner conflict that rumbles inside them, maybe the world would be a better place. But until then, never let any of them push you around. 💗✨