Your Wedding My Heartbreak

Staring down at my shimmering baby blue dress, I look up to see the face of the woman that you will be marrying today. I cannot help but swallow back the lump of bitterness that has formed in my mouth.

Oh she looks so beautiful!

She walks down the aisle with a smile so wide that on anyone else would have almost looked painful. She looked to be in pure happiness. The sound of the music fades out as I start to go into the void that is my mind.

I see it clear as day. All that could have been.

Once that would have been me standing across from you. Once that would have been me that was holding your hand. Once that would have been me that made you go down on one knee.

You claimed I was your one and only.

At one time you would tell me the oddest thing. Said that there was such a thing as soul mates. Asked me once under a blanket of stars if I felt the same.

"I have long since stopped believing that they exist for people like me," was what I answered.

You were silent. Too silent. Maybe that was what has sealed my fate that night. I started to worry.

Then you looked to me and responded, "how about I help you believe again?"

It was at that moment, under the picture perfect canopy of stars that I fell. It was with the moonlight shining on your face, the most peaceful smile, earnest eyes and rugged hair that I kissed you and cemented my fate that I could love no other more than I loved you in that moment.

No other man has come close and none did I ever let try. I had hoped that you would come back to me. .

Do you feel differently now?

You must as you are putting the ring on her hand. Even as her bride's maid would you notice if I walked out. I cannot do that to her. I WILL not.

You can say all you want about how we ended, how I had pushed you away, how I was never there emotionally as much as you were there for me, but you cannot say that it was that night that made me try harder. My hardest would never have been good enough for you.

I drove you to her and she was what you needed. She was the calm in the midst of my storm. I was chaos where she was put together. She was everything that I was not and that was perfect for you. I cannot nor will I deny that.

It does not mean that my heart does not clench as I stand here. How could either of you have not seen the hurt when hand in hand a year ago you asked me to be in this ceremony? How could you not see the clench of my jaw and the tightening of my fists?

Oh that's right, you were too busy looking at each other. Just as you are doing now. I do see love in your eyes. And it is practically an aura around her. No I cannot walk out now.

I resign myself to my fate. I will wait until the night is over. I will leave as soon as possible and never look back. It is too painful to be around either of you.

I nod my head as I see you look over her shoulder ever so briefly at me. You smile slightly and look to her with a beam.

I try to hold back my tears and not tremble when you both say "I do."