You Took Your Roses, But You Left the Thorns
When you told me that your life was moving too fast, I knew you were lying.
To you,
If you happen to read this, please know, I do not hate you. I just need to lay all of the cards on the table in order to heal.
I know that I promised you that I would always be there regardless of how you chose to live your life, but when you decided that you didn't want me to be living you life with you, it broke my heart into about a million pieces. It broke my heart to sit on the sidelines and watch you living your life while I was stuck in a bad place for 7 months. There was 7 months that I sat back and watched you fall in love, and fall apart.
I think it really got me when you and your girlfriend after me broke up, and I had to listen to you talk about the way you were feeling as if you did not make me feel that way as well. I hated her for hurting you like that, but for some reason I can't bring myself to hate you.
I can't hate you, because at one point you were one of the most important people in my life and it is so important that you know that I even now, I appreciate you. But, I just need you to know one thing;
I was there.
I was there when things went downhill with your family. I was there when you fell into a million pieces, and cut my hands picking them up. I tried to build you, strengthen you, but do you know where that got me? I ended up bleeding while you were striving.
How do you do that to somebody you love?
You don't. You don't do that because you do not hurt the people you love. I learned that when I broke my own heart trying to make up excuses for you. I know that, because you gave me every reason to leave, but I still stayed. I stayed because loving you consumed me. You consumed me. Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I thought you leaving me would be the hardest part, ya know? It wasn't. You moving on so fast after being so in love with me, like we didn't go through everything we went through that year,
That was the hardest part.
9 months of you claiming that you loved me left you so easily, but I was drowning. I couldn't do anything but wait until I had to help pick up the pieces again. And I did just that. I'm sorry again that she didn't know your worth.
Listening to you tell me you wanted to die because of her, telling me every emotion that I felt for those 4 months before, wondering how I could kindly say, "You broke my heart, why do you think it's okay to come to me about the girl you were going to marry but didn't?"
But, I didn't.
I didn't, because I will always be there for you. I promised that and I will forever keep that. I just think me having hope in us ever working out killed me when that hope was destroyed by a blonde girl who didn't even love you the way you deserved to be.
I'm a little angry, but I still don't hate you. In fact, I love you. I love you so much and that means I support you in every aspect of your life, even the ones I don't necessarily agree with. That means, no matter where you go, I just want you to be happy, even if it's not with me.
I'm still trying to understand why you left, or what I did to make you leave, and I will probably ask myself that forever, but I have a valid reason for that.
You were everything. I had you, and you had me. I won't apologize for not being enough for you, because I was enough. I'll always remember the nights we spent together, the way I always laid with one leg over yours, and my head on your chest while I traced your stomach with my fingers. I'll always remember the good parts, but sadly we ran out of time.
It's really okay that none of that meant anything to you, I just know I'll always cherish them. That's what I pictured forever when I looked into your eyes.
I just want you to know, we will never be friends. You broke me, you tore me down, and you didn't even bother to see how I was doing and you still don't. I'm okay with that. You took everything away from me, and it took me a really long time to get over that. We can't be friends because I don't know how to be friends with somebody that I love, and we can't be friends because I miss you so much every day and some days I can't breathe because of it.
I wish you the best, sincerely I do. And like I said before, I do not hate you, and I could never talk about you as if you were the worst thing in my life because you were not.
I love you, and I miss you. But this has to be my final goodbye.
Sincerely,
The girl you didn't choose
About the Creator
alyssa lerch
19. Self love.
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