You said, I love you, I am trying to trust you. For two years, you said the same words. After every fight, every time you yelled at me to take your anger out, you said “I’m sorry, I love you.”.
Guess what? For two years I waited for you to trust me thinking it was my fault you didn’t. It wasn’t my fault. I gave you every reason to trust me, to believe my words and my actions and you never did. Every time you said “I’m sorry, I love you.”, I expected it to mean something. It never did, because you never meant it.
Every time I expected the same thing that never happened. I talked to you about it so many times, and every time, it was “I’m trying”, no. You weren’t. Pretending like the problem isn’t there? That’s not trying. Ignoring your feelings? That’s not trying.
I wasted quite a lot of time waiting on someone who would never change. I wasted quite a lot of time on someone who pretended to be someone else so people would like them. I wasted quite a lot of money because you “never had enough”. Yes you did. You could have saved more if you considered quiting something you thought you were addicted to. You can’t get addicted to that. What you did get addicted to was the “Look”.
Most rappers, most celebrities, talk a big game about smoking. That doesn’t mean it makes them look cool. It doesn’t mean it makes you look cool. It takes you out of your shitty life for ten minutes and then you need to smoke again. Because that’s how you were raised. And it sucked. So much money into one thing and it doesn’t even last.
Tell me. What is the point?
Empty words. They mean nothing, and they meant nothing when they fell out of your mouth. I remember. It’s hard for you to “work on yourself” because you’re “I’m working, sleeping or playing video games! It’s hard to do if you have no time”.
Right.
I work the same job as you. I sleep pretty much the same hours you do. And guess what? I play video games too. But I still had enough time to work on myself and evaluate I was not in a good situation and I needed to get out of it.
I’m so happy I got out of there and away from the toxic life that I was living. I’m happy now, happier than I have been in a long time.
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