Words I Need To Say

If you think life is easy then this is not for you. If you can sip your coffee in the morning and exclaim "today is a good day" while positivity preaches from your self-love superiority that swells your head two sizes too big, this is not for you.

This is a pity party. This is for those who wear the same clothes three days in a row because, quite frankly, who has the energy to wear yet another outfit. This is for the ones who check the social media page of their ex, even when you know that seeing that pretty girl in his "following" is going to make you pretty darn sick.

Throw up. Preferably all over his shoes, because why should you respect a man who doesn't respect you. You shouldn't even care about him now, but you do and boy oh boy wouldn't it be easier to hate him?

Of course it would.

But you are too kind and your heart is too big and that's exhausting. So to those of you who believe that life is great at the minute: Shut up. Have a big piece of "f*** you" pie because I am not in the mood to see you smiling.

Why should everyone else smile while I'm struggling?

Your smile is locked away in a box and healing is the key, but you can't help but remember the days when he was the key. He unlocked your smile so easily that the old times stay stuck on a loop in your head.

But eventually those rose coloured glasses slip off your nose and smash to the ground. I cannot wait for that day, and sometimes I wonder when it does will the shards of glass dig into my feet and remind me I can never truly forget him.

Forgetting someone is the hard part. You can change your Facebook status, change the way you look, change all of your photo albums to pictures of your cats, but the memories will not change. The strange feeling in your heart where they used to be will not change.

Not yet anyway.

And you wonder, was I always destined to be alone?

But being alone doesn't mean you're lonely. And being lonely doesn't mean you've failed. And failure is scary and so is dying alone but sometimes you just have to remember to breathe.

...have you done that yet?

Take a break. Dry your eyes. There's a reason these things didn't work out and one day you will understand.

One day you will be happy with being alone. One day you will find someone who does and says all the right things all of the time. One day the memories of somebody else won't bother you. One day you'll see their social media pages and be uninterested in what they're doing in their life.

That day might not be today. And that's okay.

You will learn to live again in a way that you desire. You will learn to love again without the fear of getting hurt...again.

I have to remind myself of that because nobody else will do that for me.

And it hurts. And what do you do when you're hurting inside? You want to yell into the void until you're blue in the face. You want to fall asleep and never wake up because at least sleep keeps the sad thoughts at bay. You want to swear and scream and spill your truths out to the world.

So, guess what world? This is my truth. This is my shit. This is my world and you're just living it.

-

Wow. I guess I had a lot to say and I didn't even realise it. As you can probably tell I'm going through a rather rough time at the minute. Any hearts, tips, or anybody who decides to subscribe to me really would make my day.

Thanks for reading, see you soon.